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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400277">Terminally Murdered</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireflykat/pseuds/Fireflykat'>Fireflykat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV), Psych (TV 2006)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Doctors, Established Relationship, F/M, Graphic Description, Gules, Kidnapped Shawn Spencer, Lassie is a good husband, M/M, Murder, Rape, SHOW WARNINGS, Serial Killers, Shassie, Shawn Spencer Whump, Shawn is a profiler, Support Groups, Terminal Illnesses, Torture, killers, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:06:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>50,057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireflykat/pseuds/Fireflykat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn senses his illness is back. He can't fool Lassie this time around. </p><p> </p><p>Then what happens when he ends up the exact victimology for the next serial killer that rolls into town? Serial killer and CM Plot start in Chapter 2</p><p>This is my sequel to NephilimEQ's I've Heard It One Way (Psych fic) - which I highly recommend, and you should read first.</p><p> </p><p>Previously called Smash and Murder</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Mind over matter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/7690423">I've Heard It One Way</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/NephilimEQ/pseuds/NephilimEQ">NephilimEQ</a>.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carlton first started growing suspicious during their reception. He swept Shawn into his arms for the first dance and his heart nearly stopped as he saw his new husband stagger in an alarmingly familiar way. No! He thought to himself as he steadied his partner, wrapping two strong arms around the younger man who was smiling up at him. Nothing’s wrong, he’s fine! Richard’s is dead, and he is fine! He barely registered the younger man slip out later in the reception for a few moments to fill a toilet with the contents of his stomach, before standing, wiping his mouth and forehead, gargling, and sauntering back into the party.</p><p>His second clue was when Shawn missed an obvious clue at a crime scene a month later. Ok, so it wasn’t totally obvious, not to everyone. But ever since Shawn had started training him, Carlton had started noticing more than he used to. And he knew that the young man would have picked up the small piece of paper at the bottom of the bin in seconds. Something was wrong. He started to watch his husband more closely. </p><p>The consultant was always leaning on something. Which wasn’t totally unusual. But now he would almost never come to lean by Carlton unless he was just by his desk. He completely stopped flirting in the office, and would always make an excuse to be up against something while standing. He even started to do so while walking. Carlton noted a few times when the pressure he used to lean was far more than necessary to simply prop one upright. It was more like he was using it to hold his entire body upright because his legs gave out. He saw flashes of pain flit across his husband’s face in these moments before disappearing quickly with a laugh. </p><p>One night he came home to Shawn sitting in the living room, alone in the dark. He had a glimpse of the room as the lights went on Shawn sat drinking whisky and looked lost in thought and angry. He saw pillows against the wall as though they had been thrown and tear tracks running down his love’s face. A split second later, however, the glass had been drained, the tear tracks wiped clear, and his love was by his side with his usual grin on his face, welcoming him home with a kiss and invitation to the bedroom.  </p><p>Shawn had started to lose weight again. Alarmingly quickly he had dropped back down to wearing Carlton’s sweat-pants at night. One morning, after breakfast he walked in on the pseudo-psychic in the bathroom, bent over the toilet, heaving. He rushed to his side and started rubbing his back. “You are sick, aren’t you?” Shawn looked up at him with a small smile. </p><p>“Just a little flu, don’t get so paranoid Lassie,” He said with a pained smirk.</p><p>“I thought we said ‘no secrets’, Shawn…” Carlton looked at him seriously</p><p>“It’s nothing, I just ate a bad pineapple, ok?” Shawn started to get up, but his knees buckled and he fell back down to the floor. “Must have been sitting on my legs too long.” He said breezily. He suddenly wretched again, throwing up nothing but bile. He had nothing left in his stomach. </p><p>“Shawn, you aren’t ok” Carlton pointed out gently, still rubbing his back. “You missed an obvious clue at the crime scene last week, you are losing weight and your balance, and don’t think I didn’t notice your little drinking party for one in the living room a few weeks ago. You are angry about something.” An odd look flashed across Shawn’s face, annoyance followed by pride, shame, anger, frustration, sadness, and finally hopeless love.</p><p>“Take me to the bedroom Lassie,” Shawn said then, holding out his arms, “Fuck my brains out, I want to feel you from the inside.” Carlton took Shawn into his arms, alarmed at how light he was, and pulled him to his feet, helping him to the bedroom. He settled the younger man on their bed and gave him a chaste kiss on the forehead. Shawn pouted.</p><p>“I need to go to work, and you should rest.” He said with tenderness. “We should make an appointment with your PCP for later this week, OK?”</p><p>“I went last week…” Shawn mumbled, looking down. </p><p>“Again, what happened to no secrets?” Carlton glared at his husband. Then softened his gaze. “What did he say?”</p><p>“He referred me to an oncologist.” Shawn avoided Carlton’s gaze. </p><p>“Have you made the appointment yet?” Carlton asked. Shawn shook his head. His husband sighed and kissed his forehead again. “Please do. I will take off work to come with you. Whenever you go. This is important.” Shawn nodded and met Carlton’s eyes for the first time that morning. The blue searched the hazel. </p><p>“Carlton, I’m scared,” Shawn said quietly. “I don’t want to leave you on your own.” The taller man smiled inwardly to himself. Of course that was what the younger man was scared of, not dying, not the disease, not the pain. He was scared for Carlton. He couldn’t help it. He pressed his lips to the smaller man’s who’s eyes widened in surprise, then closed and leaned into the kiss. The detective licked his partner’s chapped lips, once, twice, three times before he was allowed entrance. He pressed the younger man down into the pillows of the bed, hungrily roaming the mouth, replacing the bitter taste of bile with his own. He heard a groan as he ran his hand down the man’s still bare chest, stopping at the waistband and fingering it with tantalizing fingers. He felt a squirm and a hand on his chest, pushing him away, breaking the kiss. Shawn panted with exertion and Carlton looked at him with worry on his face. He could see pain on his lover’s face as he struggled to catch his breath. </p><p>“Shawn?” He pulled him back to a seated position. “Are you ok?” He rubbed his back. The psychic nodded and put his head on Carlton’s shoulder. </p><p>“Just tired.” He said, slowly regaining his breath. He picked his head up then and pushed his husband with a small smirk on his lips. “Now go to work sexy.”</p><p>Carlton got up and left the room, as he looked back he saw Shawn curled up on his side holding a pillow, closing his eyes tight, as if from a painful ache running down his body. Carlton’s heart hurt for his husband, knowing he couldn’t do anything as he turned off the lights to the bedroom and walked out. </p><p>He looked through Shawn’s pants from the previous few days and found a piece of paper with the name and number of a doctor to call. He folded it back up and put it in his jacket pocket. He would deal with it at work. He was already running late, and he hated that. </p><p>It was a quiet day at the station, which could have been a good thing, or a bad thing. He could have used a case to take his mind off of worrying about Shawn, but he also needed the time to call his insurance company and make sure Shawn had been put on his health insurance, and call the oncologist to make an appointment. Both took time. He also called Guster, which was an awkward conversation because he never called the younger man, even though he was his husband’s best friend. </p><p>“Lassiter?” Guster sounded surprised as he answered the phone. “Why are you calling me?”</p><p>“I need you to go check on Shawn.” Carlton said jumping right in. “He wasn’t feeling very well when I left for work this morning.”</p><p>“He didn’t beg you to stay?” Guster asked, shock evident in his voice. </p><p>“No, he pushed me out the door, actually.” Lassiter replied, sounding confused. “Is that not something he would normally do?”</p><p>“No, he is a huge baby when he doesn’t feel well,” Guster noted making Lassiter remember when Shawn was recovering from the Dr Richards case. “He would want you to take care of him.”</p><p>“Well, can you stop by at some point on your route today and just check on him?” Lassiter asked, knowing full well from the last time that Shawn would not want Guster to know if he was dying. “He was sleeping when I left, just make sure that he eats something and keeps it down, ok?” He hung up before the younger man could ask any questions about his friend’s condition. <br/>
 <br/>
He heard a phone ring across the bullpen and his partner answer. Shit, he thought, Of course Guster would go to O’Hara.</p><p>“Shawn is what?... Carlton said that?... What do you mean out of character? How?... Can you?... Let me know how he is.” He heard the phone hang up and the familiar sound of heels close the distance between him and his partner. “Carlton…” he looked up and saw Juliet’s worried face. “Gus told me that Shawn is at home sick,” He nodded. “Why did you come in?” Carlton sighed. </p><p>“He practically pushed me out the door. When I left he was sleeping.  I thought he could use the quiet. Victoria always hated when I was around when she was sick.” Carlton wiped his hand over his face. “Besides, I don’t think he wanted me to know,” </p><p>Juliet’s eyebrows knitted together. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“He was up at the normal time, and made breakfast like usual.” Carlton reminisced. “I left but had to come back for something. That’s when I found him hunched over the toilet bowl, puking.” He hung his head. “When he finally looked up and saw me it was like he was caught in the act of doing something bad. There was shame all over his face, but also pain, and he was sweaty and pale.” </p><p>“He wasn’t purging, was he?” Juliet asked cautiously </p><p>Carlton looked slightly affronted. “He couldn’t stop, even when he had nothing left. It wasn’t vanity. He is sick.”</p><p><br/>
She held up her hands in surrender. “Just checking. Shouldn’t you head home to him then?”</p><p>“I will go home early, but I can’t miss work. He would blame himself too much.” Carlton sighed. “I can’t do that to him when he already feels like that.” Juliet sighed and got up. She made her way to the Chief’s office and closed the door behind her. A few minutes later the door opened again and Karen Vick stepped out. </p><p>“Detective Lassiter,” She stood by the open door, arms crossed looking at him with gentle but stern eyes. Carlton looked up at her, then past her and saw Juliet standing awkwardly in the background. He let out a breath and stood, keeping his back straight and eyes fixed ahead of him. Careful not to convey the anxiety that was currently gnawing at him.</p><p>He entered the office and closed the door behind him. “Chief,” He said, with a slight nod of his head to her, “O’Hara,” He nodded to his partner. “Do we have a case?” He could already tell from the lack of case files in front of them, that they didn’t, but he could hope.</p><p>“Go home Carlton.” Vick said kindly. “Juliet said Shawn is sick. Go be with him.” he stared at his boss. “We don’t have any urgent cases right now, if anything comes up, we will call you. In the meantime, you should be with your husband.” He opened his mouth to object. Then closed it again as if unable to find the right words. </p><p>“Yes, Chief.” He turned and left the office. On the way out the door he turned and looked back. “Thank you.” He said softly. Stopping by his desk, he grabbed his jacket, pulled out his keys, and swiftly left the office.</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>Shawn knew exactly what was wrong. It was some point during their honeymoon that he first noticed the familiar pains. He had his new husband on top of him when he lost feeling in one of his legs for a moment. It was easy enough to pretend nothing had happened, because he hadn’t been putting any weight on it at the time, but after that, Shawn started looking out for for the tell tale signs of what he knew was coming. </p><p>He could easily recognise enough the symptoms of MPNST, after all it was the terminal illness Dr Richards had given him so many months previously. While the illness in question at the time wasn’t in fact real, the medication Dr. Richards gave him still perfectly mimicked the symptoms of the disease. Symptoms he had now started experiencing again, over 6 months after his last dose of the false drug. He wasn’t taking any medications at the moment. So what he was feeling now must be genuine. Unless someone was slipping him something without him knowing, which was highly unlikely. As the months passed he continued to deteriorate, without saying anything to his family or friends. He knew Carlton was becoming suspicious, the man was too good a detective to not notice anything was wrong, and Shawn’s mood had been rocky lately, as much as he tried to put on his usual mask. When Carlton worked late Shawn started drinking the ever present whisky that was around the house. Instead of watching his usual 80’s movies or TV shows, he would sit there, alone with his thoughts, sitting in the dark, not noticing as time passed, until whatever time Carlton came home. One night, he sat there until morning nursing his whisky, until light streamed through the window shades, at which point he got up, showered, dressed, and took his motorcycle to the Psych office as if everything was normal. </p><p><br/>
That morning he thought he was in the clear. He heard Lassie’s car leave the driveway before rushing to the bathroom and emptying his stomach. He got there right on time too, a minute later and sick would have ended up all over the floor. He was trying to hide his symptoms as best he could. It may have been selfish, but he really didn’t want Lassie to worry. The man had gone through nearly losing him to the disease once, he didn’t need to go through it for real. Not right after they got married. But he had known Carlton would find out the truth eventually. Although, the detective walking in on him while he was nearly passed out over the toilet bowl was pure chance. Apparently it confirmed Carlton’s suspicions about him though, because he had immediately started asking the hard questions. </p><p>Shawn had gone to his primary care physician the week before and they came to a similar conclusion. That he needed to be looked at by a specialist. They referred him to someone in the area and he took the name grudgingly. His motorcycle was becoming near impossible to use now, but somehow he managed to get back to the precinct where he was still working a case. He had asked Lassie to take him back that night. </p><p>Now, as he lay on his side in bed, curled up hugging a pillow to his chest, his eyes closed, he tried to take stock of his body bit by bit in his mind. Checking how each part felt. He could still feel his feet, good, his calves burned with the effort he had exerted earlier, his thighs felt ok, for now. His mind turned to his torso, he couldn’t feel the hip he was laying on, and the other one felt like it was full of pins and needles. His stomach writhed and churned. As he thought back through the last week he realised that he couldn’t remember the last time he held down a meal. That’s when he noticed with horror that he couldn’t remember what they had for dinner the night before. It was as though there was a big blank spot where the plate was on the dining room table. In his mind's eye he could picture Lassie sitting at the head of the table, and him looking at him from right beside, he could remember what they were wearing, the tie Lassie had on, but he couldn’t remember what they ate. He stared ahead of him at the opposite wall, his vision blurring slightly. Squeezing his eyes closed he brought his thoughts back to his body once more. </p><p>Lungs - functional, mostly. Apparently over exertion wasn’t working at the moment. Or was it lying on his back. One of the two made it hard to breathe. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, examining the effects. As he let it out he started coughing. He tried to bring his free arm to cover his mouth but it wouldn’t move. Burying his face in his pillow, he continued to cough as he tried to feel his arm. There was nothing from the shoulder down. He coughed harder. </p><p>“Shawn?” A familiar voice called his name as he heard a door open. He tried to call back, but he could barely breathe. He gasped, curling up in a ball, his numb arm by his side, legs tucked in close. “SHAWN!!” He heard running footsteps getting closer. The world seemed to be dimming. He felt a familiar hand helping him sit up and rubbing his back. “Breathe, Shawn, Breathe,” The mellow voice was soothing and gentle. “In, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, hold it 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,8, out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, hold it, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. And again,” Shawn tried to keep pace with the breathing and counting next to him, but his inhales shuttered and he had a hard time making it the full 8 seconds on any section. </p><p>The door opened again, and another, deeper, voice entered. Hurried footsteps grew louder. “Shawn!” The voice said, full of concern. “Guster, what happened,” </p><p>“Keep breathing Shawn,” The first voice said. A large warm hand was suddenly on Shawn’s bare back and he felt tension, that he didn’t know he had been carrying, start to fall away. His breathing grew easier and his coughing started to subside. A minute later his vision cleared and he saw his best friend and husband standing over him with worried looks in their eyes. He gasped as oxygen filled his lungs once more. </p><p>“Carlton!” He threw one arm around his husband’s shoulders and buried his face in the space where his shoulder and neck met. “I thought you were at work” He mumbled into the dress shirt.</p><p>“We don’t have much to do today, so I came home. The Chief will call if they get a big case.” Carlton was rubbing Shawn’s back. He looked back at Gus, “What happened Guster?” He asked again, Shawn looked at Gus sideways from his position in Carlton’s arms for a moment before his eyes began to droop closed. </p><p>When he woke up he realised that he was being held tightly against a familiar warm body. He stretched and rubbed his eyes. “The arm works again then?” He felt a rumbling from the chest behind him, and looked up and into his husband’s smiling face, then back down at his hand, and up again. He smiled back. </p><p>“It seemed it decided to stick around after all.” Shawn said with a grin. “Was it because I didn’t hug you with this arm?” Shawn asked curiously.</p><p>Carlton was familiar with Shawn’s tendency for levity at dire situations. “You used your other arm when you grabbed me to ask me not to go, when that one was closer.” He motioned to the one that had previously been paralyzed. “It’s bad isn’t it?” He asked, his smile fading and concern growing in his eyes.</p><p>“How long did I sleep?” Shawn asked, changing the subject. “Did I miss lunch? Or Dinner? Is there a case you need me on?”</p><p>Carlton glowered at him, the effect ruined as he held the psychic close. “Stop changing the subject, Shawn.”</p><p>Shawn sighed and turned in Carlton’s embrace so they were facing each other. “Look, Carlton, I honestly don’t know how bad it is. Because I don’t yet know what it is. I guess we shall know once we see the oncologist…”</p><p>“We have an appointment on Friday at 9.” Carlton said without hesitation. “I will make sure I let the Chief know that I am coming in late.”</p><p>Shawn didn’t meet his eyes, “Fine, I was going to put it off until next month, but you probably knew that.” There was silence for a moment. Then he asked again. “What time is it?”</p><p>“9:00”</p><p>“I missed dinner then huh?”</p><p>“I can make you something”</p><p>“I’m not really hungry.”</p><p>“I’m going to make you something anyway”</p><p>“I may not hold it down…”</p><p>“I don’t care. You need to eat something. Let’s get you some toast at the very least.” Carlton started to get up, then sat back down again and placed his lips upon Shawn’s, bringing him in for a deep kiss. “Maybe we can get the doctor to write a prescription for anti-nausea medication.” He said after he broke the kiss. He traced his finger along Shawn’s jaw, ran it down his arm, then brought it up his hand to rest in his palm, bringing Shawn’s palm up so he could help him out of bed. “Let’s go to the kitchen, love.” As Carlton got out of bed, Shawn noticed that Carlton was still fully clothed in his work attire. Shawn also realised that he, Shawn, had been sweating, a lot. </p><p>“I need a shower.” He stated, heading off to the bathroom. </p><p>“Do you need help?” The detective asked</p><p>“I’m not an invalid YET.” The younger man felt peeved at the concern and hovering Carlton had started doing. </p><p>“Just wanted to make sure,” The older replied. “Can you at least keep the door open in case you have trouble?” He asked after a moment</p><p>Shawn had turned on the water already. The detective heard a small huff and then the door to the bathroom opened further. Carlton smiled and headed to the kitchen. </p><p>Shawn stepped under the steaming stream and felt the water pour down on his face. He felt a moment of blissful relaxation. Turning he grabbed his shampoo and started washing his hair. He had almost finished washing the conditioner out of his hair when his legs went out from under him. He fell hard on his knees in the tub and he tried to catch the shower curtain to catch his fall, but all that did was pull the curtain and rod down on him with a crash while he ended up with his stomach bent as far over the bathtub as possible. “Shawn!” Carlton cried as he came running in. The scene was a mess. Shawn was on his knees, bent over the edge of the bathtub gripping the downed shower curtain with the curtain rod on top of him. “Are you ok?”</p><p>“My legs decided they wanted to take the night off. After all, my arm had the entire day.” Shawn gave a weak smirk to his husband and tried to be glib, but it didn’t quite work. </p><p>“Your legs aren’t working?” He asked, brows furrowed. Shawn made grabby hands towards Carlton who pulled him up and into a more comfortable sitting position. </p><p>“Thanks! I couldn’t have gotten out of that on my own.” He sat in the shower and leaned forward into the spray so he could finish rinsing his hair. He reached forward, trying to grab the handle for the shower so he could turn it off. It was too far for him, without the bottom half of his body working. He used all the strength he possessed to push himself forward in the tub and tried again. He still couldn’t reach. A large hand appeared and turned the handle to the off position. Shawn looked up. “Stop pitying me!” He said with frustration, a flush of anger and humiliation running up his cheeks. </p><p>Lassie held out a towel for him, “I just want to help you, baby, you don’t have to do everything on your own.” He wrapped the younger man, who was pouting now, in the towel. “Please, let me help you through this.” Shawn had pulled his knees in tight to his chest, tears coursing down his cheeks as he stared at the floor. </p><p>He couldn’t help it, as soon as his legs gave out the tears had started flowing. He was pathetic. This was so frustrating. He couldn’t even take a damn shower anymore! He was used to other people trying to trick him, working against him, even kidnapping the ones he loved or himself. He had survived dangerous criminals and numerous near death situations. He had a gun trained on him more times than he could count. Being at the mercy of other people was one thing, he could normally get out of it. But being at the mercy of your own body? He had never prepared for that. His dad never prepared him for a terminal illness. It wasn’t fair. He was still fairly young - mid 30s, he once would have thought that ancient but perspective is everything. He was recently married, hopelessly in love with a beautiful man, and for the first time, he had a job that he loved. One that he had spent six years at already and still loved. Why did this have to happen now? Why couldn’t he have just died when his appendix burst a year ago? Then Carlton wouldn’t have to go through the heartbreak of losing the one he loved. </p><p>“Let’s get you back to the bedroom babe,” Carlton said as he gently lifted Shawn with one arm under his back and another under his knees. He carried the younger man into their bedroom, slightly unnerved by how light the man in his arms had gotten. </p><p>Once they got to the bed and Carlton had set him down, Shawn wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him close “Fuck me Lassie,” He said, with the best sultry voice he could manage while his eyes were still streaming. “I need to feel something, feel you. I need it hard, don’t hold back baby, make me your bitch. I’ve been a bad boy, punish me detective!” Carlton silenced the ramblings with a long kiss as he took the towel from around Shawn’s shoulders and placed it on his lap. The detective could feel Shawn’s tongue trying to push into his mouth, but kept it closed, switching to smaller, chaste kisses. The younger man’s fingers were scrambling at the belt at Lassie’s waist but the man gently took the smaller man’s hands, kissed them, and placed them in their owner’s lap. </p><p>“Shawn,” he sat down next to his husband, pulled him close, and kissed his head “I don’t know what your previous partners were like, but I am not interested in causing you pain. Especially when I know you are already in so much already. When we have sex, it will be an enjoyable experience for both of us, and it will be when you are feeling ok. I will not have sex with you because you are angry at yourself, or need to punish yourself. It is disrespectful to you, and to me. So no, we will not have sex tonight.” Shawn looked down, ashamed. “What we can do is cuddle. I would be perfectly happy to hold you if you need to cry, or talk, or vent your feelings. I want to take care of you. Now, let’s get some food in you and get you to bed. Ok?” rough thumbs brushed the tears from Shawn’s cheeks and another kiss was pressed to his lips. Shawn looked into the brilliant blue eyes of the head detective and gave him a small smile. Carlton returned it and got up, going over to their dresser. He pulled out some of Shawn’s boxer shorts, a pair of flannel pajama pants, and a t-shirt, throwing them to the man in the bed. “Do you need help with your pants?” Carlton asked. Shawn glared at him as he tried to put the boxers on his paralyzed legs. Then he sighed and nodded. Carlton helped Shawn lay down while he slipped the psychic’s legs into the boxers, then helped lift up his hips to slide them on. He did the same thing with the pajama pants, then helped Shawn sit up again. “See, that wasn’t too bad, right?” Carlton teased gently. Shawn’s eyes couldn’t meet his. He felt the shame building in the pit of his stomach. </p><p>Shawn tugged on his shirt and let Lassie bring him to the table. The detective gave him a glass of water and a few minutes later a plate with a single slice of toast, cut in half, was set in front of him. “You should probably have a bucket standing by, just in case.” Shawn said, half joking. “You know, since I can’t run to the bathroom on my own.” Carlton just looked at him with concern in his eyes, and then went to go get the plastic tub they had used from when Shawn was “sick” before. He set it down in the chair next to his husband and sat down in the other one, a small plate of food and some water for himself. Shawn felt guilty, remembering that his husband also hadn’t gotten the chance to eat dinner, because he had been using him as a comfort item. “I’m sorry,” He mumbled as he picked up his toast and bit into it. </p><p>“Hey, look at me.” Carlton said, brushing Shawn’s hair back with one hand, his fork poised over his salad with the other. “I don’t mind, I want to spend as much time as I can with you. Ok? Please, give me the chance to do that.” Carlton’s voice was so earnest that Shawn felt bad for what he was about to ask next. </p><p>He had a few more bites of toast, chewing slowly, watching the taller man eat his meal, when he asked the question that had been nagging at him for a while. “So, Chemo then. Is there a point?” The fork dropped from Carlton’s hand with a clatter, as the man looked at him.</p><p>“A point?” Carlton asked, shakily. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“If it is, you know, that,” Shawn clarified, “It’s terminal. Right? Chemo won’t cure it, it might just slow it down. A few more weeks, or months more. Is it worth it? I am asking you, because you should have a say. When I was diagnosed before, I didn’t think there was. But I have you now, we are happy. Or, we were going to be. I just don’t want to draw out your pain while you watch me die.” </p><p>Carlton stared at him, emotions flaring through him as he heard the younger man speak. Anger, concern, love, understanding. He placed his hand on Shawn’s. “Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it. Our appointment with the Oncologist comes first. He has to diagnose you, then we will discuss treatment options.” </p><p>Suddenly, Shawn pulled away and reached for his bucket. He retched, regurgitating everything he had just eaten. Carlton got up and got him a wet cloth for his face. He picked up the plates, and the bucket, and brought them into the kitchen. “How are your legs?” Carlton asked, kneeling down next to Shawn, pulling the chair out, so they were right next to each other. </p><p>Shawn tried to move his legs, wiggle his toes, feel anything below the waist. “Nothing…” He said sadly. </p><p>“Ok,” Carlton said reassuringly, “that’s fine, let’s get you to bed for now, then I will clean up and hopefully feeling will come back in the morning.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Doctors and thieves or rather, murderers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There is a case - Shawn figures out it could be a serial killer. The BAU is called in to help</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Friday came around Shawn had lost feeling in one of his arms once more, and one of his legs. Thankfully, each time, the numbness had gone away after a few hours. But it was taking longer and longer each time it happened. It was coming to a point when it would be obvious to everyone that something was wrong with Shawn, and he wasn't looking forward to that day. </p><p>When the doctor finally came into the exam room to meet them after vitals were taken by a nurse, Shawn was already exhausted. He lay his head on Carlton’s shoulder, and closed his eyes until the doctor arrived. A tall woman with dark hair pulled into a messy bun, clad in a doctor’s coat opened the door and sat down in a chair by a computer, then turned to look at them. He felt a large hand on his back. “Shawn Spencer-Lassiter? I’m Doctor Kuthri,” She asked, Shawn opened his eyes and saw the doctor looking at him. He nodded. “So tell me Shawn, what seems to be the problem?” </p><p>Carlton spoke up. “He hasn’t been able to hold food down in days, possibly weeks, his limbs regularly go numb for hours at a time, he has been having problems with his balance, and getting dizzy spells, he has been having problems with his memory - and he has an eidetic memory, you know, total recall, a few days ago he couldn’t feel anything below his waist, it just stopped working, and he has been having trouble breathing sometimes. Although those may be panic attacks. We aren’t sure.” Shawn shook his head. “Ok, not panic attacks. At least he says so, I still think some of them might be.” </p><p>“How’s the pain?” She asked Shawn. </p><p>“It hasn’t found goldilocks yet.” Shawn said vaguely. Dr. Kuthri looked at Carlton for a translation. </p><p>“He means it’s either too much or not there. Hasn’t found a middle ground,” Carlton said rolling his eyes. “You know, the goldilocks place.” Carlton turned to Shawn, “Why haven’t you told me the pain was getting that bad?” </p><p>Shawn shrugged, “No one likes being that character, Carly. I mean, who would have thought I would become the Mandy Moore to your Shane West?”</p><p>“No one is reenacting A Walk to Remember yet, Mr Spencer, we need to run some tests first.” Dr. Kuthri said with a small smile. “Ok, please make an appointment for an MRI and CT scan in the next few days, and you will need to go to a lab to get blood work done. I also want to see if you can put on some weight. It seems you have been losing a dangerous amount. I will prescribe you some anti nausea medications, so please eat something.” When Shawn didn’t reply she turned to Carlton, who nodded. “Start with the BRAT diet, 5 small meals a day, Bananas, Rice, Apples and Toast. Ok? You can move up from there if you can keep that down for three days.” Carlton nodded seriously again. Shawn had his eyes closed and his head resting against his husband’s shoulder again. “I’m also going to prescribe him some pain medication for when the pain is too much to handle. Just a high dose of ibuprofen for now. If he needs something stronger, give me a call. But he can alternate this with Acetaminophen if he needs to. I would like you guys to come back to see me in 7-10 days, ok?” </p><p>Carlton kissed Shawn’s head, “Shawn, were you listening?” </p><p>“7 to 10 days, come back, scan some kitties to gain weight, be a pain, be a brat for 3 days, no nonsense meds. Right? Oh, and you are stealing blood.” Shawn nodded, eyes still closed, one arm linked with Carlton’s. </p><p>Dr. Kuthri quirked a smile at this interpretation. “Is that normal for him? Or should we run more tests?” She asked. </p><p>“No, I would be more concerned if he didn’t try to make a weird pun or spin the directions in one way or another. It’s quite normal. He pretends to be a man-child.” Carlton smiled. </p><p>“I am a man-child,” Shawn refuted flatly, opening his eyes and staring at Carlton, “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I will never grow up!”</p><p>“Ok, babe,” Carlton agreed, “Whatever you say, let’s go.” He placed an arm under Shawn’s elbow and helped him up. Shawn carefully stood, then fell against Carlton, one leg limp. Ready, his other arm shot out and pulled him up, holding him under the arms, letting Shawn lean against him to counter his numb leg. “Are you ok?” Carlton asked as he steadied the smaller man. Shawn looked frustrated, but nodded. Dr. Kuthri stood and held her hands out in order to help. </p><p>“It’s just from my knee down this time,” Shawn huffed. </p><p>“Ok, it’s ok, can you walk like this?” Carlton asked holding on tight, while letting Shawn grab his shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah, I think so.” Shawn tried, and stayed upright. “This is ok. Let’s go so you can get to work.”</p><p>“We can take our time, I told the Chief that I wouldn’t be in until noon.” Carlton said. </p><p>“Still, we have kitties to scan.” Shawn tried to smile, but it came out a grimace. </p><p>“I will see you two next week, ok?” Dr Kuthri said with a smile. “I will call with the results of your scans as soon as I get them, give me a call if you need anything.”</p><p>“Thank you Doctor.” Carlton said, nodding. He opened the door and led them out into the waiting room. He deposited Shawn into a chair and went to one of the people working the desk to make the appointments they needed. </p><p>Twenty minutes later they were back in the car and headed home. “I’m coming to the station.” Shawn stated. </p><p>“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Carlton asked, hesitantly, “What about your leg? And I thought you were exhausted.” </p><p>“I’m fine, Carlton,” Shawn’s voice was firm, and he crossed his arms stubbornly. “It’s been days since I have been in, Jules and the Chief are going to start thinking something’s up.” </p><p>“How about we drop by on the way home?” Carlton asked, “Then I will take you home after you say hi to everyone.” Shawn rolled his eyes, slouching down in his seat. </p><p>“Fine,” Shawn reluctantly agreed, “But if there is a case, I want in!” </p><p>Carlton knew Shawn too well to argue. He was aware that if he refused, the faux-psychic would probably just call Guster or take his motorcycle to the station instead. Both of which could possibly do more damage. Especially the motorcycle. So he agreed with his husband’s request, and turned towards the station. </p><p>He parked the car and came around to the passenger’s side, waiting in case any numbness hit Shawn again, but he got out of the car, slowly, but on his own. Shawn was able to make his way into the station on his own also, with a little less exuberance than normal, but without any help either. Carlton walked close behind all the while, just in case. </p><p>“Hi Shawn!” Buzz McNab was filing paperwork at one of the filing cabinets by the door when they came in, and was the first to see them. </p><p>“Hey Buzz!” Shawn greeted back, a wide smile on his face, “How’s little boy cat doing?”</p><p>“She is good!” The officer smiled back, “We have missed you around here, Detective Lassiter said you were sick.” Shawn shot his husband a look, but Carlton wasn’t fazed. </p><p>“O’Hara, what’s the status of that smash and grab case on main street?” Carlton asked his partner, still at Shawn’s side. Shawn continued walking, now standing at Juliet’s desk. </p><p>“Hi, Shawn,” Juliet looked up at the pair, and smiled at him. “Glad you are feeling better. Carlton has been really worried about you.”</p><p>“I’m fine Jules,” Shawn assured her with a confident smile, “You know me, I will bounce back from anything.” He felt a hand on his back as if guarding the shared secret. “Leaves and boulders Jules,”</p><p>“I think the saying is ‘sticks and stones’ Shawn, and I don’t think it applies.” She laughed. </p><p>“I’ve heard it both ways,” He brushed off the comment with a wave of his hand. He leaned against her desk, and asked “So, what’s new? What is this smash and grab thing Lassie is talking about?” </p><p>“Just a few kids smashed a window of an electronics store one night, and grabbed everything they could. No cameras spotted them though so we don’t really know who did it.”</p><p>Shawn scanned the photos he could just barely see that were laying on her desk. “I sense that it wasn’t the work of a few kids,” Shawn said, then gasped as a burst of pain shot through his spine, he tried to mask it by bringing a finger hand to his temple. “Destiny is calling me, Open up my eager eyes!” he sang the last few lines of the song. </p><p>“Mr Brightside?” Juliet wondered aloud, “The Killers? Killer? It’s a killer! Wait, a killer?” </p><p>Shawn leaned back against the desk and moved his other hand to his head, “There is something else, toast, no, eggs, no, waffles, no, pancakes, no,” He suddenly was leaning very hard against his hand that was on the desk, and a look flashed across his face. Carlton came up next to him but Shawn shooed him away.</p><p>“Serial!” Juliet said, deep in contemplation, noticing none of what was happening in front of her. “Wait, Shawn, are you saying that this smash and grab was done by a Serial Killer?” She looked at Carlton, who was looking at Shawn, but looked up at her after realising she was staring at him. </p><p>“Well that changes our investigation.” Carlton said lightly. “O’Hara, take that new lead, and check out any serial killings in the tristate area where there was a smash and grab right before they started or in the middle of them, I will ask McNab to continue on the kids angle.” As soon as Juliet shot off, Carlton turned to Shawn, “Do you want to sit down for a moment or go home?”</p><p>“I think maybe a seat would be nice, thanks Lassie, that divining takes a lot more out of me than it used to.” He winked at Carlton.</p><p>“Why do you think it is a serial killer?” Carlton asked, leading Shawn over to the chair in front of his own desk.</p><p>“Well, if you look at how the glass was smashed, it was clear the person had done it before. It wasn’t his first cock-fight”</p><p>“Rodeo” Carlton corrected without thinking. </p><p>“I’ve heard it both ways.” Shawn grinned and continued. “But also, if you take a look at what was taken it is in the sexual sadist killer handbook 101. He took everything to get set up transmitting, recording and burning videos. And that is IT. nothing else. He had a purpose for the smash and grab. When kids do it, they normally go for as many expensive things they can carry. Not a bunch of cables, a few laptops and a couple camcorders, some dvds, and maybe a tripod or two. You can carry a lot more than that. And he didn’t even take the most expensive of the computers. It was low end, barely functioning stuff, refurbished and wouldn’t be missed. I’m guessing if the guy didn’t break the window, the shopkeeper wouldn’t have even reported anything stolen. This was an entrance. He wanted you to know he is here. And what you should be expecting from him.”</p><p>Carlton sat in his own chair and watched as Shawn slumped in his seat and closed his eyes, his head resting against the backrest. It was sound reasoning, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t seen it before. And the motivation as Shawn had said was just as clear. The problem was, that a smash and grab was so easily attributed to kids or gangs, that it would have likely never be attributed to a serial killer on the move. So why would he have chosen that entrance. Unless he left another clue for them to find. </p><p>Juliet ran over at that moment. “Shawn was right. Every 5 years a string 4 of murders will happen within a 4 week timeframe. No one has caught the guy before. Before each there has been a smash and grab. After that month of murder, the guy vanishes for another half a decade somewhere else.” </p><p>“Where has he hit?” Carlton asked, getting up and looking at the case files O’Hara brought him. “Colorado Springs, Colorado, Virginia Beach Virginia, and Bend Oregon. He goes to mid sized towns, not big enough to be cities, not small enough to be rural, size similar to Santa Barbara to hit.” </p><p>“Colorado, Virginia, and Oregon, and now he is in California.” Carlton said, his face dropping to his hand. “Shit, this just got Federal.” He looked over to Shawn in the chair. “Shawn?” He said gently. The psychic didn’t move. </p><p>Juliet looked from the sleeping consultant to her partner. “Is he ok? He looks really thin.” Carlton gave her a tight smile. </p><p>“He doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it.” Carlton said with regret.</p><p>“He had a doctor’s appointment this morning, right?” She asked, concern present in her eyes.</p><p>Carlton nodded, “She wants to run some tests before she gives a diagnosis. He has the first one tomorrow.”</p><p>“This case is about to get really intense, are you going to be able to be there for him?” She asked quietly. </p><p>“I will take leave if I have to.” Carlton said firmly. “Juliet,” he pulled his partner over to the side of the bullpen. “I can’t keep this secret from you, I just ask you not to treat him differently or let him know that you know. Or tell anyone else. The doctor we went to see this morning was an Oncologist.” </p><p>The meaning of those words, and her partner calling her by her first name, sank in and she gasped. “You mean?!” she looked back over at Shawn. “Why won’t he tell anyone?”</p><p>“You remember last time, with Dr Richards.” Carlton reminded her, “He didn’t want anyone to know how much he suffered. He doesn’t want people to pity him. So please, don’t tell anyone. I will urge him to tell everyone sometime after a diagnosis has been given.” She nodded at him. They looked back at Carlton’s desk. Shawn had awoken when McNab came over with a bright yellow smoothie. Shawn grinned and took it, giving the tall officer a handshake and fist bump, but put it to the side after McNab walked away. “We should give the new circumstances to Chief Vick, see how she wants to handle it.” Juliet nodded, and they headed towards the office in the middle of the precinct, stopping to tell Shawn that he was right about the serial killer theory and they were going to the chief if he wanted to come. He grinned and got up immediately, joining the two partners on their trek to the office. </p><p>Lassiter knocked and came in when told to. </p><p>“Chief, Spencer shed new light on the smash and grab which makes it a priority and a federal matter.” Lassiter said, handing over the case files.  </p><p>“What makes you think this smash and grab and this serial killer are connected Mr Spencer?” Chief Vick asked, looking through the files. </p><p>“I didn’t know until now. All I saw was the smash and grab couldn’t have been the work of kids or a gang. They would go for far more expensive items than those that were taken. This was deliberate, they took items that would equip them for a live stream, recording and or video burning set up. I would say, just by this, we are looking for a sexual sadist. The items he grabbed weren’t of high value, most were refurbished or resale, so if he wanted he could have just stolen them and the store wouldn’t have even filled out a report. He wanted the attention. That’s why he smashed the glass. Dual pane windows are a lot harder to break than people think, a kid’s prank wouldn’t go that far. A gang would do much more thorough of a sweep. The break in the glass says that he knows what he is doing and has done it before, he is going for the most theatrical way of showing his entrance. By breaking the glass he is literally breaking the barrier between himself and his victims.” Shawn stopped talking and looked at the three other people in the room, all of whom were staring at him. “That’s what the spirits say, anyway.” He hastily interjected. “I haven’t gotten a chance to go over the crime scenes from the other serial killer Jules found, but it seems to match the MO.”</p><p>There was a long pause. “I found a series of gruesome murders, one a week for four weeks before they just stop. These always happen after a smash and grab. It has been going on in a different city every five years for the past 15 years. He has hit three cities already, one in Colorado, one in Virginia, and one in Oregon.” Juliet told the chief her conclusions. “They all happen in smaller cities like ours. Virginia beach, Bend, and Colorado Springs.” </p><p>“I think your analysis is correct Mr Spencer.” Karen said to the psychic, “this does seem to be an opening act of sorts. And as this is the fourth time this has happened across the country, Detective Lassiter, I would agree that this is a federal matter. We should send in a request for the BAU, and see if they will come help.” </p><p>“I’m going to take Shawn home now, if that’s alright, Chief.” Carlton said. Shawn was now leaning against him, with his head on his shoulder, eyes closed again, breathing shallow. </p><p>Karen Vick looked at her consultant with worried eyes and back at Carlton. He had an arm wrapped around the younger man’s waist and seemed to be holding him up. She could see a small grimace of pain flash across the smaller man’s face. “Yes, you may go. Take care of him.” They were on their way out the door when she stopped him “And Carlton,”</p><p>“Yes, Chief,” the detective asked, turning his head towards her.</p><p>“Let me know if you need time off, I will be happy to accommodate you.”</p><p>“Thank you, Chief.” He opened the door and helped Shawn into the bullpen. </p><p>“How’s the smoothie there Shawn?” McNab asked, coming over to them. When he noticed the drink still full, Shawn saw a sad look cross his face. “Do you not like it?” the officer asked</p><p>“No, I love it!” Shawn replied, grabbing the smoothie and taking a big gulp. “Delicious as always, I love pineapple!” Shawn felt his stomach flip awkwardly with the drink inside. “Lassie, are you ready?” He asked the detective, who had gone to his desk for his jacket and keys. </p><p>“Of course, let’s go.” The two of them left, Shawn still holding onto the mostly full smoothie, and Carlton right behind him, ready to step in if needed. As soon as they left the precinct Shawn hurried to the nearest trash can and retched. Carlton followed quickly behind and rubbed his back gently. He had already given up his breakfast earlier in the day, and it seemed as though the smoothie wasn’t going to stay down either. “Once I get you home and in bed, I am going to get these prescriptions filled, ok?” Carlton said, still rubbing Shawn’s back. Shawn retched again, nothing but bile coming up this time. After a few minutes of dry heaving, feeling as though his stomach was turning inside out, Shawn finally collapsed against the detective who was directly behind him. Shawn was exhausted and in pain.  </p><p>Carlton pulled the man into a hug, running his hands through the younger’s hair. “Just a few more minutes and then you can sleep, ok? Come on.” He helped Shawn into the car and they drove quickly to their house. Just as Carlton said, a few minutes later he had Shawn seated on their bed and was helping him into pajamas. “Take a nap baby, I’m going to get your medication filled.” he tucked Shawn into bed expecting some fight from the younger, but it seemed as though the lack of food and the events of the morning had tired the consultant out. He was out in minutes. Carlton looked on at his sleeping husband’s face with tears in his eyes, Shawn’s face was thin and drawn, he looked pale and his cheeks were sunken. He had deep rings around the eyes, even his hair seemed flat. Carlton gave him a kiss on the forehead before grabbing his keys and heading back out to the pharmacy.</p>
<hr/><hr/><p>JJ looked at the case file she was handed and scanned the contents, she shot out of her chair immediately, and ran down the hall. She knocked on a door and walked inside. “Hotch, he’s back.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A few notes, </p><p>Yes, it is possible to not eat for a month (because you are so sick you literally cannot eat) and survive, you will be very weak and exhausted all the time, (I have had it happen personally, its not super fun). the BRAT diet is a real diet that doctors prescribe. </p><p>The scene with the oncologist is basically a scene I have lived, with my Haematologist, and Neurologist, and neuro-opthomologist. and literally almost every other specialist there is. The more sick you are, the more they want to see you. </p><p>I am trying to decide if it should actually be a terminal illness or just a really bad autoimmune disorder that can be treated. send me a message on what you think</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Puzzling profiles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The BAU make their appearance, discuss the case in Virginia then meet everyone in Santa Barbara.</p><p>Shawn goes for tests. Also, support groups </p><p>Sex?!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>discussion of victims, past torture, non-con, rape, murder. </p><p>discussion of terminal Illness</p><p>consensual sex</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The BAU team sat around the conference table looking at their folders. “Five years already?” David Rossi asked, seeing the familiar MO. </p><p>“Apparently.” Hotch said, “He’s in Santa Barbara this time.” </p><p>“Who’s the victim?” Reid asked.</p><p>“That’s just it,” JJ said sitting at the table, “There isn’t one, yet”</p><p>Everyone but Hotch raised an eyebrow, JJ had informed him of the circumstances of the case earlier. “We are being called in on a smash and grab case?” Morgan asked. “That seems below our pay grade.”</p><p>“A consultant of theirs traced it back to a serial killer who begins every cycle with a smash and grab.” JJ continued. </p><p>“How did he do that?” Prentiss asked, “The consultant federal?”</p><p>“No, from what the Chief wrote, he merely saw the scene and ruled out pedestrian or gang motivation, he also gave a pretty succinct and detailed profile of the killer.” </p><p>“Based on the smash and grab?” Hotch sounded skeptical, “Before he heard of the other cases?” JJ nodded. </p><p>“He concluded that the Unsub was a sexual sadist based on the tech that was taken, and that the smash of the smash and grab was superfluous and therefore a statement of his entrance into the city. He was quite literally breaking the glass between himself and his victims to come. He wants people to know he is there and therefore most likely left some sort of note or clue pointing to his alias. He is ego driven and highly intelligent. He would be in his 40s by now and probably grew up on the west coast, most likely in a small city in washington, and would have moved to the city in the last 3-4 months. He also says that he knows that the unsub is smart and motivated by ego because the technology that was taken was stuff that was either refurbished or resale and not anything that the store owner would report as stolen, the only reason it would have been called in is because the window was broken.” </p><p>The group of agents looked at each other. “Who is this kid?” Reid asked curiously.</p><p>“Um,” JJ looked at her sheet. “Shawn Spencer, Self proclaimed psychic detective.” </p><p>“He got all that by looking at the smash and grab pic?” Rossi asked with wonder. </p><p>“For about 5 seconds.” JJ confirmed. “I had to call the Chief to ask her opinion. Considering we don’t normally get complete profiles when we get a case.”</p><p>“I haven’t heard of him, has he taken a profiling class?” Reid asked, looking at Hotch and Rossi.</p><p>“I don’t think so.” Hotch mused. Rossi shook his head. </p><p>“Well, I would have to agree that it isn’t a gang heist.” Morgan noted. “Not enough was stolen,”</p><p>“The window is broken far too perfectly for it to be kids.” Prentiss agreed.</p><p>“Look at the shards of glass on the ground.” Reid noted. “Do you think he could have put something there?”</p><p>“Do we have pictures of the other smash and grabs?” Hotch asked. JJ put them up. The glass break and the way the broken shards were laid out were identical. </p><p>“That’s his message.” Rossi pointed out. “He is in the glass. You can see him but he will cut you before you hold on to him.”</p><p>“It’s a danger to go after him.” Hotch nodded. “Very ego based, he may have even written something on the glass in some sort of invisible ink, or something.”</p><p>“What about the victims?” Prentiss asked. “What does he do to them, who are they?” </p><p>“Oh,” JJ’s face went white. “Can you classify someone as an angel of mercy if they rape and torture the victims before killing them?” </p><p>“Of course not,” Rossi said, “Why?” </p><p>“Because all of the victims were terminally ill, with less than 3 months left.” JJ explained. “How would that change the profile?”</p><p>“They are taking away the final days from their family.” Reid theorised. “Especially if they record and send a copy of what they are doing out.”</p><p>“The family is the victim, the victim is the vassal.” Morgan continued. “They are torturing the family, replacing their final moments with distress and torture, not allowing them to spend them together.”</p><p>“How long does this person hold them captive before they are killed and dumped?” Prentiss asked. </p><p>“It’s a one week cycle, they hold them for 5 days, kill them and they are dumped on the 6th, after being dead for 10-15 hours. They are normally dumped,” </p><p>“Unceremoniously, like garbage, right?” Morgan asked. “No remorse, easily seen, probably nude. Ultimate humiliation.” </p><p>JJ nodded. “One more bit of suffering for the family.”</p><p>“So we are looking for terminally ill patients in their 20s and 30s with 3-4 months left to live, right?” Rossi summarised. </p><p>“Let’s get this guy before he disappears again.” Hotch said seriously. “Wheels up in 30.”</p>
<hr/><hr/><p>The next day was exhausting. But thankfully with the anti-nausea medication he was able to eat and hold down a little toast. Still, the outpatient hospital was far too large, and the MRI machine was far too loud. After three quarters of an hour in the clanking tub, Shawn was going crazy. His head was pounding and he was feeling dizzy again. Carlton had organised it so that he get all the tests done in one afternoon, which was efficient, but tiring. The detective brought a banana for him to snack on in between the MRI and CT scan, which he greatly appreciated, even if he couldn’t finish it. </p><p>As they waited in the waiting room for Shawn to be called for the CT scan, Shawn put his head on Carlton’s shoulder as the taller man told him about the call Chief Vick had with the BAU liaison. Apparently, he told Shawn, the liaison couldn’t believe that they could provide that accurate of a profile just based on the picture of the smash and grab itself, and called to see if Shawn was a federal consultant with knowledge of the previous cases. Carlton had laughed and felt extremely proud, when Karen told him about her discussion with the liaison the previous day. </p><p>“Seems like you can profile with the best of them Shawn, she asked if you had taken any of the BAU profiling classes. Chief Vick didn’t think you had, but didn’t really know what to say to that.” The only indication that Shawn was listening was a quirk of his lips into a small smile. “The Chief is convinced the BAU is going to be calling you to join them, for real or as a consultant, depending on how this case goes. A future in the FBI, your dad would be so proud.” Carlton stopped short and looked at Shawn who’s face now held a pained look on it. He wrapped an arm around the younger man’s shoulders and pulled him close. “Hey, we don’t know what it is yet. It may not be anything to worry about.” Carlton put a finger under his husband’s chin and raised his face to look him in the eye. “I will be with you no matter what happens. I meant it when I promised to take care of you. Till death.” He placed a short, gentle kiss against the smaller man’s lips. </p><p>“I thought we would have more than a year though…” Shawn sounded sad.</p><p>“I will take all the time I can get.” Carlton replied firmly, as Shawn settled against his shoulder again. He kissed Shawn’s head and for the remainder of the wait they sat together silently. </p><p>The CT scan was over quickly once Shawn was called, then on the way out of the center they stopped at the lab for a blood draw. Shawn had never liked the doctor and needles were his least favorite part about check-ups, so when he saw the numerous tubes being pulled by the nurse who was reading his order he balked. Carlton patiently stood by him as he was stuck with the butterfly needle and the deep red fluid was pulled from his veins. As it was happening, Shawn refused to watch, it seemed as though as good as he was with corpses and crime scenes, and even being shot, his own blood being drawn to be tested for cancer was a completely different story. He couldn’t help it as he hid his face in his husband’s shoulder. He felt a familiar callused hand run through his hair and he relaxed slightly. </p><p>A minute or two later the nurse declared that she was done and taped up the needle mark with a bandage. She asked Shawn to sign a form, which Carlton gladly signed for him, and told them that their doctor would receive the results in the next working day, which would be monday, since that day was a Saturday. </p><p>“Let’s go home.” Carlton said, putting arm around Shawn’s shoulder. “You seem exhausted.” Shawn nodded and obediently got up and walked beside the taller man to their car. </p><p>Once they had arrived back at their apartment and Shawn was lying down on the couch, while Carlton started making some rice for Shawn to eat for lunch, Shawn finally spoke up. “Doesn’t the FBI come today?” He asked.</p><p>“Yes, they should already be at the station. O’Hara will fill me in when I go in. I told them I wouldn’t be in until the afternoon.” Carlton said, unconcerned. </p><p>“You should go,” Shawn said sleepily. “I’m just going to take a nap anyway.”</p><p>“I will go when you have had something to eat.” Carlton replied without hesitation. “After you have had something to eat and I get you into bed, then I will head to the station, ok? It won’t take long, the rice is almost cooked.” He checked the time on the pressure cooker, there were five minutes left. “Should we get you into your pajamas while we wait for the rice to cook?”</p><p>Carlton came over to Shawn, who was on the couch, and helped him take off his shoes. Then they went back to the bedroom and he set shawn on the bed as he found some pajama bottoms and a shirt that he could wear. “Can you stand?” Carlton asked gently. Shawn stood easily, a hand resting lightly on the bedpost for support. “Change while I put your food on the table, let me know if you need help coming out.” </p><p>Shawn stayed silent as Carlton left the bedroom. As he bent down to take off his jeans he felt a shooting stab of pain run from one arm, down his spine, then get replaced by a constant ache that made him hiss and let out a small whimper. Dropping his jeans to the floor he tried to pull on the cloth pants but when he bent down again, a dizziness washed over him, and he nearly fell over. Holding onto the bedpost he stood up straight for a moment, trying to reorient himself, then pulled off his shirt and changed into the one Lassie had given him, moving his aching arm as little as possible. When his shirt had been changed he tried to put the pants on again. This time, he sat down. Even so, once again, as he bent down, the pain from his back seemed to flood into his head, making him lose his balance and nearly fall forward off the bed. In fact, he would have, if a broad hand hadn’t caught him before he plunged forward too far. “Dizzy?” Carlton asked quietly. Shawn nodded silently. “You should have said something.”</p><p>“It’s only when I bend over.” Shawn mumbled, furious with his own lack of ability. “I should have still been able to do it myself. I’m pathetic.”</p><p>“Here,” Carlton quickly slid Shawn’s legs into the pants and helped Shawn stand so he could finish putting them on. “Now let’s go have lunch.” They walked out to the kitchen and Carlton sat a small bowl of rice in front of Shawn, a small yellow pill next to it. “There is no shame in asking for help, baby.” the detective said, resting a hand on the back of the psychic’s neck. “It doesn’t mean you are pathetic, it means you acknowledge that there are some things you cannot overcome alone. And that’s ok.”</p><p>Shawn popped the pill into his mouth and let it dissolve. Then slowly ate his rice grain by grain, a look of self hatred carved deeply into his features. “I can’t even run anymore.” He said, barely audibly. </p><p>“Why would you want to do that?” The question turned hard in his husband’s throat. </p><p>“I almost did last time, when Richards convinced me I was dying,” Shawn confessed quietly. “I was falling for you, and I could tell you were going to be Shane West, and I didn’t want you to be heartbroken if I died. I would rather you just hate me for leaving…”</p><p>“That is idiotic,” Carlton stated, as though this was the clear as day. </p><p>“Then with the Irish Mob case and us finally being together, I realised, I can’t lose you.” He looked at Carlton with his hazel eyes open wide. “Running isn’t an option for me anymore. I can’t. I won’t. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to, not right now. Not physically.” He gave a small pained smirk.</p><p>“Here me now, Shawn Spencer,” Carlton said, turning the chair so they were face to face, placing his hands on the seat next to the psychic’s knees and lowering himself so their faces were level.</p><p>“Spencer-Lassiter.” Shawn corrected with a cheeky grin. </p><p>“Shawn Spencer-Lassiter,” Amended the tall man. “There is nowhere that you can run from me that I won’t track you down.” He caressed the cheek of the sitting man in front of him. “As long as you are alive, and you still love me, I’m yours. And since you have been teaching me your tricks, I can read the love you feel for me. So I will know. </p><p>You don’t need to protect me from this.” Carlton concluded gently. “I am here, I want to be here, no matter what.”</p><p>Shawn blushed and nodded. He put his fork down and gave his husband a hug, which was returned, with feeling. Shawn stood and hissed in pain again, another stab of pain shot through his back. He fell forward against the table as his right leg gave out. He turned his head to see Carlton’s worried eyes upon him. “How about we get you into bed, and then I will get you something for the pain.” Carlton helped Shawn move back towards the bedroom and settled him into bed. He went back to the kitchen for a moment, returning with a white pill and a glass of water, placing them both on Shawn’s bedside. “Take this and take a nap. I will be home this evening.” He watched Shawn cuddle under the covers and fall asleep almost immediately. After giving him a kiss on the forehead Carlton went to the kitchen and cut up an apple, placing a few slices on a plate and putting them too by Shawn’s bedside, so that he could have them for a snack later in the afternoon. He put the leftovers in the fridge, then put on his gun holster, slipped his gun into it, put on a sport coat, grabbed his keys, and left for the precinct, after locking the door behind him. </p>
<hr/><hr/><p>The BAU entered the SBPD Precinct early in the morning on Saturday. They received a warm welcome from the Chief of police, who apologised for their Head Detective’s absence, explaining that he had a family emergency and would be in that afternoon. </p><p>“What about the consultant?” Reid asked, they had all been curious about the kid who had given them a complete profile on the Unsub from a smash and grab.</p><p>“He... uh... isn’t in today.” A blond detective said from the doorway. </p><p>“This is Detective Lassiter’s partner, Detective Juliet O’Hara. She will be filling the Detective in on everything they are doing once he arrives. The two of them will be in charge of this case.” Chief Vick explained, motioning to the short blond woman. </p><p>“Hi, I’m JJ” JJ said, holding out her hand, in introduction. “We had hoped to meet the one who had given a perfect profile on our unsub based on a smash and grab, and were able to get us here before any murders actually took place.” She explained. “We thought he would be here.” </p><p>“Carlton will be able to fill you in more when he arrives,” Juliet evaded. “How can I help you?” </p><p>“We are going to start by explaining the victimology of our unsub, and his profile to you.” Hotch explained. “Then we will start to look for victims who fit the victimology that he may start to focus on, look at any missing persons reports from the last week, and try to narrow down the pool of people who would fit our profile.” </p><p>They went to the white board where JJ had been taping up pieces of paper and Prentiss was writing notes about the past cases. </p><p>“Your consultant was right about this being the start of a specific serial killer’s MO, one we have been on to for quite some time.” Rossi started. </p><p>“Unfortunately most of the time, by the time we get called in, there have already been 3 murders already and we are at the end of the timeline. He has already kidnapped the final victim and we are unable to identify where they are located before the week is out.” Morgan continued. </p><p>“Once they go to ground, it is impossible to find out anything else about them until they resurface again.” JJ added. “Your consultant putting us on this at the beginning was a good lead.” She pointed at the smash and grab photos. “He pointed us in the direction of the robberies and how their arrangement may play a vital role in the unsub’s profile that we hadn’t considered.”</p><p>“If you take a look, all the windows from the smash and grabs are broken in exactly the same way, and the glass on the ground is laid out in the exact same formation.” Prentiss pointed out. “As your consultant pointed out, this points to a high intelligence and inflated ego. We also agree that there is probably some sort of message in this burglary that is from him, besides the burglary itself.” </p><p>“The MO of the burglary, a humiliating body dump, and a tape given to the families is the only thing that connects these deaths as a serial killer. They are all raped using different means, some naturally, some with foriegn objects, and the method of torture and death is different each time.” JJ expanded. “We have death by electric shock, death by exsanguination, death by drowning, death by expiration, death by exposure, death by bullet to the head, death by shock, death by rape, death by poison, death by choking, and death by hanging. It is also clear that most of the victims suffered multiple forms or torture before their eventual death.”</p><p>“The locations that were chosen for these cycles are of particular interest.” Reid put in. “Each of them are small cities that are relatively secluded, but not small enough to be towns. The fact that he starts in Oregon and jumps to Virginia, then to Colorado, then back to California leads us to conclude that he also originated from somewhere on the west coast, most likely the Pacific Northwest. A similar city in Washington. He seems familiar with the layout of these cities, which is why he is attracted to them, probably because he grew up in one, it is just big enough to get lost among the masses, but still small enough to be able to have a small and limited number of resources. Since he started in Oregon we can conclude that he started somewhere around there. Normally in our geographical profile we look around where someone works for where they are from, but this time it is the opposite. Using Anti-geographical profiling we can conclude that he would not strike in his home state. He is too smart for that. Instead he started one state over. Since he is now in California, the only other state on the coast is Washington, which is where we are thinking he is from.” </p><p>“But that is not necessarily the most important thing at the moment. He most likely moved into town within the last year” Hotch clarified. “Possibly the last three or four months. There is a good chance he worked somewhere that connected these victims.”</p><p>“So, what is the victimology?” Juliet asked, “What connects the victims?”</p><p>“They were all terminally ill.” Reid explained. “Each one had mere months left of their life to live.”</p><p><br/>
“Why go after someone who is terminally ill?” Chief Vick asked, slightly nauseous at the thought.</p><p>“There are two reasons.” Morgan commented. “One is an unsub we classify as an Angel of Mercy. Someone who believes they are putting these people out of their misery by giving these people a swift and painless death.”</p><p>“I take it this unsub is in a different category.” Juliet asserted, anxiously. Morgan nodded. </p><p>“We believe this to be a different kind of sexual sadistic killer.” Prentiss confirmed. “One that is getting pleasure not just from torturing and killing the victims, but also recording his time with them so he can inflict suffering upon their families. Not only robbing the families of their final months with their loved ones, but stealing precious memories as well.”</p><p>“Was there any other commonality between the victims? Or just that they had a deadly disease?” Karen Vick asked the BAU.</p><p>“There is no commonality across race and gender lines, or across diseases, if that is what you are asking.” Hotch replied. “But there is one other thing we noticed.”</p><p><br/>
“They were all in their prime, late 20s-mid 30s, and were all in loving relationships.” Rossi finished. </p><p>“I will take a look at all of the centers that cater to the terminally ill. Doctors and clinics.” Juliet said, moving towards her computer. </p><p>“I will help, if that’s ok,” JJ said with a smile. “Just until your partner comes in.” </p><p>“Sure,” Juliet gave her a swift smile back.</p><p>“Prentiss, Morgan, go to the scene of the robbery and see if you can find anything there. Dave, you, Reid and I will take a look at the recovered evidence gathered so far.” Hotch said, doling out responsibilities to his team. “Morgan, call Garcia and tell her to look into missing person cases in Santa Barbara for the last week or so. Rule out anyone who is outside our age range.” Morgan nodded and pulled out his phone while heading to the door, Prentiss following behind. </p>
<hr/><hr/><p>By the time Lassiter got to the station at half past noon Morgan and Prentiss had returned from the electronics store and Juliet had turned up dozens of doctors and clinics in the area that catered to the terminally Ill. </p><p>“Carlton!” Juliet called, waving him over to where they were all gathered in the conference room. He took off his jacket and put it at his desk then joined the BAU and his partner and chief with the case. </p><p>“Head Detective Carlton Lassiter,” He introduced himself to the agents around the table. </p><p>“SSA Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief” Hotch said, returning the handshake.</p><p>“SSA David Rossi,” Rossi added from his place at the far end of the room,</p><p>“SSA Derek Morgan,” Morgan greeted from his spot by Reid.</p><p>“Dr. Spencer Reid” Reid called from his place by the white board </p><p>“SSA Emily Prentiss,” Prentiss waved from where she was located at the opposite end of the table, next to Rossi. </p><p>“SSA Jennifer Jareau, or JJ” JJ said with a smile from where she was standing by the second white board. </p><p>“I’m the tech goddess extraordinaire!” Said a chipper voice on the phone. “Penelope Garcia, at your service, Detective Tall, Broody and Handsome!” Lassiter scowled when the conference door opened and another man came in, dark with a shaved head. </p><p>“Hey, Jules, Lassie, I heard there was a case. Where’s Shawn? I thought he would be all up in it to catch another serial killer!” He went over to Juliet and gave her a peck on the cheek. </p><p>“I don’t remember calling you, Mr. Guster,” The Chief said, with a small smile. </p><p>“Shawn did figure out it was a serial killer.” Juliet reasoned,</p><p>“So why isn’t he here?” Gus asked, his eyes trained on Lassiter. Juliet and Chief Vick looked at him as well. Suddenly everyone in the room was staring at Lassiter. </p><p>He coughed awkwardly. “Shawn uh… is sick. He has a cold, he didn’t want anyone else to get sick, so he stayed home,” he invented wildly. </p><p>“That’s bullshit Lassie,” Gus stared hard at Lassiter, who gave him a murderous look back. </p><p>“Shawn is fine, Guster,” He ground out. “Let it go.”</p><p>“Does this have anything to do with when I found him having a panic attack in your bed on tuesday?” Gus asked, his arms crossed over his chest. The BAU was studying the interaction of the two in front of them.</p><p>“Look, just because he is your best friend, doesn’t mean you can meddle into our lives,” Lassiter said, walking up to stand very close to Gus and looking down on him. </p><p>“I am not meddling, I am asking a question. ‘What is wrong with Shawn?’” Gus asked stubbornly</p><p>“Nothing that concerns you!” Lassiter yelled, the anger on his face masking the other more difficult emotions he had been struggling with for the past few weeks. The pain, the heartbreak, the anger, the frustration.  He put a forefinger and thumb to the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. He then ran his hands over his face, and stood straight, turning to the rest of the room, back to his fully composed self once more. </p><p>“I apologise, Agents.” He said, in a very professional manner. “Where were we?”</p><p>“The consultant,” Reid said, slowly, “He is the one that is sick?”</p><p>“Uh, Yeah, My husband, Shawn Spencer.” He said slightly awkwardly. “We had a long morning, and he isn’t feeling like himself right now. He is at home, he will be here when he can though,” he assured them, “He loves what you guys do. He has all of Agent Rossi’s books.”</p><p>“Tell him to feel better.” Hotch said, there was a subtle look that flashed over Lassiter’s face before he nodded. </p><p>“What did you find on the clinics, Detective?” Hotch asked, turning to Juliet. </p><p>The rest of the afternoon went smoothly, and in the evening a young woman ran in claiming her husband was missing. Everyone in the conference room looked at each other. The probability of it being the first victim was too high to discount.</p><p>At half past seven, Lassiter turned to the Chief and the BAU Unit Chief. “I need to go,” He said firmly. “I will be back tomorrow morning.”  JJ and Juliet was taking the victim’s wife’s statement. </p><p>Vick turned to Lassiter and nodded. “If you can’t come in until afternoon again tomorrow, we will understand.” She said kindly. “Take care of Shawn.” Lassiter nodded and gathered his things and left the precinct. </p><p>Reid went up to Hotch and stood next to him as they watched Lassiter get in his car and drive away. “Why do you think they haven’t told the best friend yet?” He asked the unit chief</p><p>“I’m guessing it would be this consultant’s idea.” Hotch replied. “I doubt anyone besides the two of them know how serious it is.”</p><p>“Do you think they know?” Reid asked. </p><p>“Maybe,” Hotch said. “He did look like he hadn’t come to terms with it yet. They might still be figuring it out.”</p><p>“What are you guys talking about?” Juliet asked, coming up to them. </p><p>“Nothing,” Reid said quickly, moving away from his boss. “We were just discussing the victims and their conditions before they were abducted.” he made up off the top of his head.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s so sad to have someone you love torn from you when you are just getting to terms with them being taken from you for a different reason. No one should be robbed of the final months of their loved one’s life. They should cherish it.” Juliet said, sadly</p><p>Hotch and Reid looked at each other. Then they moved back to the table. “Let’s pick this up tomorrow.” Hotch said. “When JJ is done with the wife, we will be done for the night.” His team beamed. </p><p>“All right!” Morgan said jovially. “Dinner! Dancing! Saturday night in Santa Barbara!” </p><p>“Hey Juliet, do you have any tips on where to go on a Saturday Night?” Prentiss asked with a smirk. </p><p>“You should come!” Morgan said with a smile. “Unless you have something else to do.”</p><p>“No, I will join you!” She said gratefully, “Thanks! But, I have to go home and change. What if you guys go out to dinner, and I will meet you at your hotel at around 9:30? That way you can shower and change also.”</p><p>“Sounds good!” Morgan and Prentiss said at the same time. “Hotch, Reid, Rossi!” they called to their friend and leader, “Dancing tonight with Juliet,” Prentiss said, pointing to the blond. JJ came over. </p><p>“I am so in!” She said gratefully. </p><p>“Scratch that, Boys, you are hereby uninvited, girls night!” Prentiss said with a smirk. </p><p>“Hey! Prentiss!” Morgan complained. “That’s not fair!” </p><p>“We can do a girls night another time,” Juliet compromised, “We can all go tonight, I don’t know the night scene as well as Shawn, but there are a few clubs I know. When he gets better I know he will have some recommendations that he will be dying to drag you to.” </p><p>“I can’t wait!” Morgan said with a grin. “As for now, I just want a drink and some music.” </p><p>“Have fun,” Hotch said, “I am just going back to the hotel.”</p><p>“What about dinner?” JJ asked. </p><p>“I will get something from a convenience store.” Hotch replied </p><p>“I can’t dance,” Reid said slowly, </p><p>“You don’t want an old man like me around,” Rossi laughed</p><p>“We want both of you there,” Prentiss said, “You don’t have to dance Reid, and Rossi, you are not that old.”</p><p>“Suit yourself.” Rossi said, relieved. </p><p>“I will see you guys at 9:30!” Juliet said as she headed for her car. She stopped by an officer’s desk. “McNabb! I’m going clubbing with the BAU tonight, you and Francine should join us!” She said cheerfully. </p><p>“I will ask her.” He said with a smile. “We don’t go dancing much, but I know she enjoys it.”</p><p>“If you are interested, we will be going to Club Blanco tonight, at around 9:45. If I don’t see you there, I will see you tomorrow!” She waved at him as she took off towards her car. </p>
<hr/><hr/><p>Shawn sat in a hard plastic chair in the middle of an empty auditorium. Well, it wasn’t completely empty. There were a dozen other people there, some also sitting in the hard chairs which were arranged in a circle, some milling by the table, getting cups of terrible coffee and cookies. When 7:30 finally hit, a group leader called the remaining people to order and the rest of the participants came to the circle and sat down. </p><p>“Welcome to this week’s support group for terminal illness.” A kind older woman said from opposite Shawn. “I see we have a new member, Shawn, do you want to tell us about you?” he shook his head silently. “That’s ok, let’s move on, who wants to share this week?” A young woman stood and talked about being diagnosed with HIV a few months previously, an older man then got up and talked about his battle with lung cancer. Shawn’s phone rang. He quickly muted the familiar cops jingle that was Carlton’s ringtone, turning it to silent. </p><p>I can’t talk right now</p><p>Shawn! Where are you? What happened!? I got home and all I found was your note. What the hell? ‘I’ll be back’? This isn’t terminator, Shawn!  </p><p>I had to go out for something, It’s important</p><p>At least let me pick you up. I don’t want you riding your motorcycle right now.</p><p>Fine, I am at West Santa Barbara Elementary School. Ok? I will be done in 15 minutes.</p><p>Don’t go anywhere. Be there in 10.</p><p>“Shawn,” The leader of the group brought his attention back to the present. “There is a reason we don’t allow phones during the group.” Her eyes were firm. “I trust it was important.”</p><p>“My husband,” He said softly. “I left before he got home, and didn’t tell him where I was going. He got worried. If I didn’t answer he would have the entire SBPD out looking for me in a matter of hours.” </p><p>Anita’s eyes softened. “Well that wasn’t very smart. How did you get here?”</p><p>“My bike,” Shawn muttered. “He doesn’t like me riding it. Especially right now.”</p><p>“He is picking you up then?” Shawn nodded. “You should rely on your friends and family right now. They will want those memories when you are gone.” Shawn shrugged. </p><p>“He says that too, to rely on him,” Shawn admitted, “But I used to be so independent, it’s a hard adjustment to make,”</p><p>The woman with HIV nodded, “I get that,” She said. “The loss of freedom and pity you receive is almost more degrading than the disease itself.” </p><p>Another younger man, similar to Shawn’s age agreed. “Especially at our age. We should be able to live freely and do things on our own, it’s expected of us.” A door opened to the side of the auditorium</p><p>“I just feel so angry,” Shawn confessed, “every time my legs give out and I can’t walk, or I can’t hold down my food, or pain so bad I can’t think shoots up my spine, an anger at the world accompanies it. And I love my husband, I really do, but sometimes I’m mad at him too, mad at my friends, but mad at myself most of all. Mad that I am going to be leaving earlier than everyone. Part of me wishes I would have died when Dr Richard’s had first falsely diagnosed me, so my husband wouldn’t have had the opportunity to fall in love with me, if I am just going to die on him now. We got married only three months ago! I feel so guilty, leaving him like I will.” Shoes walked over to him and knelt down to look at him eye to eye. Tears were flooding Shawn’s eyes as he jumped up. A wave of pain shot through him from his left leg, up his spine before his leg went numb and he collapsed again with a whimper. The anger that had flashed through his eyes when he jumped up disappeared and he looked at Carlton with exhaustion. “I’m sorry,” He murmured, as tears ran down his face. Carlton kissed him swiftly and wiped his tears away. </p><p>“We are done for the night!” Anita called, dismissing everyone and walking over to the two men. </p><p>“Shawn, why would you ever consider me falling for you a bad thing?” Carlton asked. “I would much rather love you and lose you than lose you without ever having the chance to love you at all. My life is so much better having loved you.” He ran his hands through Shawn’s hair as he talked. Shawn closed his eyes at the touch, not totally daring to believe him. </p><p>“Thank you for sharing, Shawn.” Anita said, stopping in front of the man. “We hope to see you next week.” Shawn gave a noncommittal gesture.</p><p>“Home?” Carlton asked, eyes full of love. Shawn nodded. Carlton offered his arm and the smaller man used it to pull himself up and balance on one leg. They exited the space easily, the two noticeably practiced at the taller one giving the smaller one support while walking. </p><p> </p><p><br/>
“I don’t understand why you would go there.” Carlton stated, once they were in the car, on their way home. “The doctor hasn’t told us your diagnosis yet. You could have a terminal illness, or it could be nothing.”</p><p>Shawn looked incredulous. “THIS?? This is not nothing.” He asserted. “It is either some short term terminal illness, which will kill me quickly, or some long term autoimmune disease which will degrade my body slowly over several years, possibly a few decades. Honestly, I am not sure which I would prefer right now.” Carlton shot him a glare. “Carlton, I don’t want to be in this state for another twenty years. If I can’t go back to living my normal life, with you and Gus and Jules at the SBPD, I might as well be dead. Because this is agony. Both literally and figuratively.” </p><p>Carlton’s eyes softened. “Did you eat the apple slices I set by the bed?” He asked, changing the subject. “If we can get you back up to a healthy weight, maybe everything else will follow.”</p><p>“I had them, thanks.” Shawn said, a guilty look crossing his face for a moment. They pulled into the driveway of their apartment building. </p><p>“What aren’t you telling me?” Carlton asked.</p><p>“I had them,” Shawn continued, “But I couldn’t exactly keep it all down.” </p><p>“How many times today?” Carlton asked</p><p>“Twice.” Shawn replied, unable to look Carlton in the face. </p><p>“Shawn,” Carlton put a finger under Shawn’s chin and pulled it around to face him. “I am not mad at you. Just worried. Ok?” Shawn nodded “Did you do better with the rice and toast or the fruit?” </p><p>“Toast,”</p><p>“Ok, let’s get you another Zofran and Tylenol and some toast for dinner.” Carlton helped Shawn out of the car and they headed inside to have something to eat. After eating Carlton helped Shawn take a shower and they went to bed. </p><p>Shawn rolled to curl up in Carlton’s chest and breathed him in, he felt an arm wrap around him and hold him tight. He looked up into blue stormy eyes. Lifting his head to meet his husband’s he covered familiar lips with his own and pressed firmly into the kiss. He felt an equal force meeting him in the middle and part their lips with no objection from him. A tongue slid into his mouth and Shawn reveled in its familiarity, shivered in longing at how long it had been since he had felt the sensation. He returned the favour, sucking the tongue, inserting his own, nipping at the lips meeting his, and then he was pushed onto his back, and Carlton was above him, a hungry look in his eyes. Shawn smirked and moaned in relish as he was peppered with kisses and his shirt was removed. Shawn’s hand moved forward to cup the hardening member tenting the sleeping pants in front of him. He felt a growl as teeth scraped over his skin. He slid his hands into the pants and wrapped a hand around the hardened length, the teeth bit gently at the sudden touch and a moan erupted from the man above him. Shawn smiled at the reaction he evoked from his husband and slowly rubbed at the erect flesh he was holding. Carlton’s forehead lowered to meet his and he closed his eyes at the pleasure. </p><p>“Shawn…” Carlton mumbled, kissing down his lover’s forehead and whispering his name in his ear. The detective brought up one hand and brushed it against the psychic’s hardening nipples, bringing forth a whine from the smaller man. Sitting back on his knees, which straddled the younger, Carlton hooked his thumbs on the waistband of Shawn’s pants and slowly slid them down. He watched as a sensual and eager smile found its way onto Shawn’s face as he too brought his paramour to full nudity. He took one of the other man’s hands and pinned it above him, putting all his weight on that arm. With his other arm he took the man’s numb leg and lifted it so it wrapped around his waist. Carlton lowered his body so their two aching members were up against each other and gently thrust his hips to add friction. Shawn moaned, pulling his love’s face towards him for another kiss. He explored the older man’s mouth with his tongue as if it was a new experience, an explorer conquering a new land. He tasted the chicken Carlton had for dinner lingering in his mouth, ignoring his stomach as it flipped inside out at the taste. </p><p>“Carlton,” Shawn moaned into his mouth, “I need you in me, please…” he was bucking his hips along with the older man. He saw the desire in his husband’s eyes and knew reason had lost. A hand shot out to rummage in the bedside drawer, pulling out their bottle of lube, which Carlton opened with one hand and squirted directly onto the skin his fingers were now massaging. Within minutes and ample working of fingers within his entrance, Shawn felt the warmth of something large and rounded poking in between his cheeks. He shivered in anticipation. </p><p>“Ready?” Carlton asked. Shawn nodded, and gave him a kiss at the corner of the mouth. </p><p>“Fuck me, HARD,” Shawn urged the man above him, closing his eyes, ready. With one thrust Carlton slid in all the way to the hilt, and Shawn gasped, eyes wide, staring ahead of him. Pain had spiked within him at the penetration, not the usual pain he felt during sex, but the more intense pain he had been getting familiar with the past few weeks. As Carlton started to slide out and thrust himself hard back in again, Shawn began to notice the pain hitting with every thrust. He closed his eyes again and gritted his teeth against the shooting agony that repeatedly stabbed him and left resonating shockwaves of pain echoing through his body. He could feel his arousal abruptly end as his stomach started to revolt. </p><p>“Carlton.” He said urgently, putting a hand on his husband’s chest, making him stop. As soon as Carlton looked at Shawn’s face he could tell something was wrong. He slid out of the younger man and got off him at once. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” He asked, concern etched in his features. </p><p>“Toilet, nauseous, gonna -” He put a hand over his mouth, and Carlton could guess the rest. He helped the man out of bed and they hurriedly made their way towards the master bathroom.  Shawn fell over the toilet at once, heaving. Carlton rubbed his back as dinner ended up in the toilet again, and spoke softly to him as the heaving continued, bringing up bile, then simply nothing. </p><p>“Are you ok?” He asked his partner, his hand alternating between rubbing his back and carding through his hair. Shawn had rested his head against the side of the toilet, his eyes closed, a pained look on his face. “Was that too much?” Shawn nodded weakly</p><p>“Hurts,” he mumbled. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t apologise to me if it’s too much, baby,” Carlton replied, “It’s understandable that you can’t do as much as you could.”</p><p>“...Want to.” Shawn said, exhaustion evident in his voice.</p><p>“I know you do baby,” Carlton said, his hand carding through Shawn’s hair again. “But you have barely eaten in weeks, of course strenuous activity is going to be challenging. You can barely walk right now. I let my desire take control of my reasoning, I’m sorry. I’m going to clean you up, then we will go back to bed, and we are going to sleep, ok?”</p><p>Shawn nodded. </p><p>Ten minutes later and the two of them were clean and in fresh clothing laying in a freshly changed bed, Shawn had curled up, resting a head on Carlton’s chest and fallen asleep the instant they had gotten comfortable. Carlton settled in next to him, watching his chest rise and fall, and held him tightly, making sure to mentally capture these moments with his husband, so he could look back on them in the future. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hidden Idioms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shawn meets the BAU</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry, this one is rather short. But I have been on a roll and didn't want to stop. </p><p>the clues were fun to figure out how to write.</p><p>Wonder what happens next?!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day Shawn insisted on going with him to the precinct. Especially when Carlton had told him that the BAU was there, and yes Dr Spencer Reid and Agent David Rossi were also there. He really wanted to work on the case. He wanted to know what the BAU thought of his analysis of the smash and grab. He didn’t get a chance to look at the case files from the other cycles, because Carly had taken him home first, but he wanted to know now. What they could expect, and what they were to look for. Not only that, but see if he could find anything else. </p><p>Carlton agreed, hesitantly, with the addendums that Shawn not go out into the field, He stay at the precinct, he tell Carlton if he vomits, and as soon as he is too tired to continue, Carlton can take him home. Shawn grudgingly agreed and they made their way to the precinct. </p><p>“Shawn!” Buzz Mcnab greeted the consultant as he walked into the precinct with Carlton close behind. “Good to see you are back.” </p><p>“Thanks Buzz,” Shawn grinned, “Good to be back!” </p><p>Juliet waved at the two of them from the conference room, motioning for them to come in. Lassiter found an empty seat and urged Shawn silently to sit. Which he did. </p><p>“Shawn Spencer,” Shawn said, greeting the BAU with a large smile, “And you must be Agent Rossi! I have all of your books!” He would have gotten up and thrown himself at the older agent, but Carlton held him firmly in the chair. “And you are Doctor Spencer Reid!” He looked at Reid, who looked startled, “I’m a big fan, I’ve read all your work! You are only 27 now right? Been with the BAU 5 years? Since 22/23. That’s amazing,”</p><p>Shawn went around introducing the other members of the BAU, “SSA Emily Prentiss,” He looked towards the brunette, “Daughter of a diplomat, and owner of a… black cat? Cute! What’s his name? So you must know tons of languages right? I’m guessing your time at the BAU is the longest you have ever lived in one place, right? They are more like your family than your own family is.” She looked startled and looked over at Reid. </p><p>“Shawn,” Carlton said gently, “We have a case,” </p><p>“Right!” Shawn blushed, slightly sheepishly. “SSA Derek Morgan, and SSA Jennifer Jareau, or JJ, your tech analyst is Penelope Garcia and YOU” He turned to Hotchner, “SSA Aaron Hotchner, hunter and victim of Foyette, right? Nice work catching him by the way. Sorry about your wife. Um…. foot in mouth again. That’s probably still really fresh. You are unit chief and your team has a 95% closure rate. Way to go!”</p><p>Carlton smacked Shawn lightly over the head. “Right… Sorry… the case.”</p><p>“So you are the one who analysed the unsub by the robbery?” Derek smirked. “I don’t know if I want to see you do me.”</p><p>Shawn’s eyes scrutinised Derek. “That wasn’t an invitation kid.” Derek said before Shawn could speak. </p><p>“You guys know there is a message in the glass, right?” Shawn said after a moment.</p><p>“We thought there might be,” Hotch said, “We hadn’t figured it out yet, but considering each robbery scene was the same, we knew there must be a message.”</p><p>“It’s morse code.” Shawn supplied. </p><p>Reid’s eyes lit up as his eyes took in the photo again. “You’re right.’’ he said, reading it</p><p>“It says,” Shawn started. “Catch me if safe,” He and Reid said at the same time. “There is also the number 4.”</p><p>“What did the other crime scenes look like?” He asked the group.</p><p>“You didn’t see them before?” Emily asked</p><p>Shawn shook his head. “All I saw was the picture of the robbery crime from here, I went home right after Jules found the connection to this serial killer. Didn’t get a chance to look at any pictures. I was here when we presented the case to Chief Vick, but even that I don’t really remember most of…” He trailed off, and looked to Lassiter, then back at the whiteboard. </p><p>“Do any of the other crime scenes have glass?” He asked carefully.</p><p>“What makes you ask that?” Hotch asked curiously.</p><p>“If he is writing his intentions in glass using morse code, this may not be the only place he does it.” Shawn shrugged. “Were there any other odd break ins in those areas during that month?” </p><p>“We should ask Garcia.” Morgan supplied. “She could track the files down.”</p><p>“If I am right,” Shawn continued, “There should be 4 more. Where the glass is broken but nothing or little is taken. Each will have a morse code message with a number of how many victims he has left to kidnap. This one says 4.”</p><p>“Because he hasn’t taken any yet.” Prentiss finished. </p><p>“Good thinking, Spencer,” Reid looked around before realising Rossi had been talking to Shawn. </p><p>“How long have you been on the force?” JJ asked curiously</p><p>Shawn laughed hollowly. “Besides watching lethal weapon, and Gus and I pretending to be Murtaugh and Riggs every weekend when we were kids, none.” he shrugged “I’m psychic.”</p><p>Everyone at the BAU looked at him skeptically as Carlton rolled his eyes. He knew Shawn probably would have told the BAU everything if Juliet and Karen weren’t in the room, but he had lived the lie for too long. </p><p>“Psychic, huh?” Morgan asked, an eyebrow raised. “Well, Psychic, tell me what these victims had in common. Assuming your husband hasn’t already told you.” Carlton shook his head, jerkily. He didn’t like the idea of Shawn knowing how perfectly he fit into the Unsub’s victim pool.</p><p>He flipped the board to reveal twelve photos. Shawn scanned the photos of the men and women, and took in their state. Disregarding the torture and nakedness. He tried to imagine them up and walking. They all looked frail, yet young. They also all had the complexion of someone who had been happy for a while. </p><p>“They were all in committed relationships, young, late 20s to mid 30s, i would say, and all terminally ill. Probably only months left to live. I would hazard to guess, 3, maybe 4 months left.” Shawn said, one hand to a temple, eyes closed as he took in the pictures in his mind. </p><p>“Yeah,” Reid said, slightly alarmed. “That’s right.” Shawn sagged slightly in his chair. </p><p>“What’s next?” He asked, “I am guessing someone has been kidnapped already.” </p><p>“How’d you know?” JJ asked. </p><p>“Yes, 34 year old Blake Donally, he has Leukemia,” Juliet said, familiar with Shawn’s ability to know things he shouldn’t. “His fiancee reported him missing.”</p><p>“I’m sensing they already tied the bow” Shawn said, a hand to his temple, </p><p>“Tied the knot?” Juliet asked,</p><p>“I’ve heard it both ways,” Shawn prattled. “They did a courtroom marriage and were waiting to do a full ceremony.” </p><p>“Hey, Mama” Morgan said to someone on the phone. </p><p>“What do you have for me this time Dark Chocolate?” Said a cheerful voice on the other end. </p><p>“Hey Garcia, Shawn Spencer, can you look up the marriage status of Blake Donally.” Shawn said before Morgan could quip back to the tech analyst. </p><p>“Our missing person?” She asked.</p><p>“I see a courtroom marriage, due to his illness, they wanted to get married without fuss, then fuss when he was better.” Shawn supplied. </p><p>“Wow, nice one, whoever you are,” She said, “You are right, legally they are husband and wife, as of five days ago.” </p><p>“What about break ins during the other one month cycles.” Asked Reid. “Suspicious window shatterings during that time frame in those areas.” </p><p>“Well, there are alot.” Garcia said, “Narrow it down for me boy genius.” </p><p>“Ones where theft isn’t the primary motivation. The only crime committed was the broken glass.” Shawn continued.</p><p>“There were three more after the initial robbery in Bend. Three in Colorado Springs, and, yep, three in Virginia.” </p><p>“We need pictures of the broken glass at the scene, if you could find them,” Hotch said quickly.</p><p>“You got it bossman, PG out.” the phone call ended. </p><p>“Nice work Spencer.” Prentiss said. </p><p>“Can you please stop calling him Spencer!” Reid asked, frustrated.</p><p>“It’s my name.” </p><p>“It’s mine too.”</p><p>“But it’s your first name, everyone calls you Reid, or Dr Reid.” </p><p>“Yes, but it’s acceptable for people here to address you by your first name, I am a Federal Agent, We go by last names.” </p><p>“So you want me to go by my first name? Fine, I will answer to anything. Just don’t call me late to dinner.” He winked. </p><p>“Why would I call you to dinner?” Reid asked</p><p>“It’s a joke, Spence,” JJ said, putting a hand on his arm. “Reid is very literal.” </p><p>“I get it,” Shawn said, his hands in the air, “He is Dustin Hoffman.” </p><p>“At least I am not Joseph Gordon Levitt and not telling anyone.” Reid muttered so quietly it was barely audible. Shawn went white</p><p>“Reid!” Hotch scolded</p><p>“He called me Rain Man.” Reid defended. </p><p>“It was supposed to be a complement,” Shawn said apologetically. “He may be odd, but Raymond Babbitt is an endearing and quite amazing character. I get a similar vibe from you.”</p><p>He got up and headed to the door. “I’ll be right back. Pee brake.” He rushed out of the room towards the bathroom. </p><p>The rest of the conference room looked at Lassiter, who was staring after Shawn. “I will give him a few minutes before I see if he is ok.” Lassiter said to the room. “Where were we?”</p><p>“Do you think the other committed relationships who weren’t married before the diagnosis got married when they heard the news?” Emily ventured to guess.</p><p>“How many of the victims were married, How many were engaged, and how many were simply in a dedicated relationship?” Juliet asked. </p><p>“From what we can tell, it seems pretty equal across the board.” JJ said. “Although, like Donally, some of those engaged could have had courtroom weddings.” </p><p>“They would have turned up in our search as ‘married’,” Prentiss pointed out, “there is no in between when it comes to the government. You are either married, single, divorced, or widowed.” </p><p>“That’s true.” Morgan ruminated aloud. “So we would need to talk to the family and friends of the victims to actually learn if they are engaged to be married.” </p><p>“What about relationships, how many of them are in homosexual relationships and how many are in heterosexual relationships?” Lassiter asked, one eye still on the door. </p><p>“From what we could tell, about a third of them were in committed homosexual relationships.” Prentiss answered. </p><p>“Go after him, Carlton,” Juliet urged her partner. “You know you want to know how he is.”</p><p>Lassiter shot her a look, then swept his gaze over the FBI agents, “I’ll be right back.” He said quickly as he pulled the door open and ran to the bathroom. As he feared, he found Shawn hunched over a toilet bowl, nearly passed out. He was resting a cheek against the seat and his breath was coming in deep, heaving, gasps. Lassiter put a hand on Shawn’s shoulder and the thin man jumped in surprise. He let out a small yelp and a whimper of pain when he landed back against the tile, a grimace showing the feeling clearly on his face for a moment before Shawn was able to beat it back into submission. </p><p>He opened his eyes and looked at the man behind him. “Hey, Lassie,” he said with a smile. “Ya miss me already?”</p><p>“You’ve been gone nearly ten minutes.” Lassiter said, concern evident on his features. “I was getting worried. Let me take you home.” </p><p>“I’m ok,” Shawn replied. “Just give me a minute.” Carlton knelt down beside Shawn and the smaller man leaned back against the taller, head leaning back against his shoulder and eyes closed. Carlton took the opportunity to use a piece of toilet paper to wipe Shawn’s mouth, and gave him a kiss on the temple. Shawn’s breathing grew steadier again as Carlton held him in his arms. </p><p>“What’s his diagnosis?” said a voice to his right. Lassiter looked around from where he sat in the cubicle to see Agent Hotchner standing in the doorway of the open stall, peering in and scrutinising them. Watching Shawn. </p><p>“We don’t know yet.” Lassiter admitted, reluctantly after a brief pause. “We saw an oncologist on Friday and went for a bunch of tests yesterday morning. We should hear back in the next few days.”</p><p>“You know he may fit the victim profile,” Hotch commented, gently. Lassiter nodded. “How many people know?” </p><p>“I told O’Hara that we saw an Oncologist, but she is the only one who knows anything might be seriously wrong.” Lassiter revealed, guilt welling up in him at the thought. </p><p>“You told Jules?” Shawn said, forcing himself out of the man’s arms and turning to look at Lassiter. “I told you, I didn’t want anyone to know.” He had an uncharacteristically hard look in his eyes. “Damnit Carlton!” He pushed himself to his feet and cried out when a now familiar pain shot through his spine again and his leg gave from under him. Hotch’s hand shot out to catch the psychic before he fell, while Carlton struggled to get to his feet. Shawn looked at the agent, put his weight against the stall wall and pulled his arm from the man’s grasp, hazel eyes still staring into the brown, sizing him up. “Thank you.” He said coolly. Finally he tore his gaze from the man in front of him and sighed, rubbing one hand on his neck. “I apologise for what I said earlier. Sometimes my mouth runs away from me. I follow the cases the BAU works, you guys are the real deal.” He looked back at the Unit Chief. His posture seemed to have relaxed. “I may have been a little harsher on everyone recently. I have been switching between taking nothing seriously and being angry at the world for a little bit.” Carlton stood next to Shawn and put a hand around his waist. Shawn turned to him and smiled slightly. “I know why you had to tell Jules, she is your partner, secrets are deadly when it comes to partners in the field. I learned that from Henry.”</p><p>“I should have told you, I’m sorry.” Carlton said gently. “Is your leg long-time out or short-time out?”</p><p>“Long-time, I think.” Shawn replied. </p><p>“Thank you for apologising, Mr. Spencer,” Hotch told him, “I understand that this must be a difficult time for you. I will say that we are pleasantly surprised by your abilities to profile an unsub, and the victims. You seem to be able to notice small details quickly and put things together intuitively.”</p><p>“You can thank Henry for that.” Shawn said with a wry laugh. “My mom is responsible for my perfect recall though.” He stopped and scanned the bathroom, looking for cameras and people. “I mean, my psychic ability.” the door to the bathroom opened just then. </p><p>“Everything going ok, in here?” a voice asked.</p><p>“We will be right out, Morgan, Thanks.” Hotch replied. He looked at Shawn and Lassiter. “Are you going to take him home?” he asked.</p><p>“I’d like to stay for a while longer, if that’s ok.” Shawn said, “I promise to behave.” He added with a cheeky grin. </p><p>“OK, fine,” Lassiter said with a sigh, “We will go home at Lunch.” Shawn rolled his eyes but nodded. Lassiter helped Shawn to the sinks so he could wash his mouth out, Shawn rinsed with a travel sized mouthwash he had stashed in his pocket.</p><p>They proceeded out of the bathroom, Shawn holding onto Lassiter for support, one of his arms wrapped tightly around him to help him with the stairs. When they were back in the conference room, Shawn was deposited back in the chair he was in before and the three men looked back at the board of victims. </p><p>“Everything ok?” JJ asked hesitantly.</p><p>“Right as Sunshine!” Shawn said cheerfully.</p><p>“Do you mean ‘Right as Rain?’” Prentiss asked curiously.</p><p>Juliet and Lassiter rolled their eyes and mouthed the next words as Shawn spoke them. “I’ve heard it both ways.” Prentiss chuckled under her breath. </p>
<hr/><hr/><p>Two hours later Shawn was exhausted. His usual quips were getting worse and their timing was getting slower. He rested his head in his hands and a grimace of pain flashed across his face every so often. The burglary photos from the other killing cycles had come through and Shawn had easily found more messages in each one. The second one read; “Addicted to them, 3”</p><p>The third one said “Miss a Dare, 2”</p><p>The fourth said; “Race against you. 1”</p><p>Shawn looked at Reid when the last one was done. </p><p>“These phrases don’t sound right,” Prentiss remarked, thinking hard. </p><p>“They all sound like Idioms, but something is off.” Juliet agreed. </p><p>“Catch me if you Can” Morgan said, pointing to the first one. “Instead of ‘Safe’, it should be ‘you can’”.</p><p>“That one should be TIme,” JJ remarked. “Race against Time.”</p><p>“Miss a Beat” Rossi put in.</p><p>“What is that last one?” Reid asked. “It doesn’t sound wrong.”</p><p>“But it has to be, if the others are.” Shawn said, his head on the table. </p><p>“Addicted to you.” Chief Vick said finally. </p><p>JJ circled the final words from each phrase; Save, Them, Dare You, then she put in the actual words that were meant to be there under them. Can, You, Beat, and Time.</p><p>“Well, our profile said he would be intelligent.” Hotch said thinking aloud. </p><p>“And egotistical, but this is ridiculous.” Morgan scoffed</p><p>“Do they do this often?” Lassiter asked, “Outright challenge you to find them?” </p><p>“It’s not uncommon.” Reid said, “You guys had a case where the unsub did something similar, didn’t you?”</p><p>“Yang,” Lassiter replied, nodding his head, and putting a hand on Shawn’s slumped back. </p><p>“And Yin.” Shawn muttered. His breath had started getting faster as he fought the pain building in his back and limbs. </p><p>“Detective Lassiter, take Mr. Spencer home for the day, please.” Chief Vick said, looking at him sitting in the chair. </p><p>Shawn sat up and rubbed his eyes, blinking rapidly, trying to mask the pain he felt when he sat upright. “I’m fine Chief, let’s continue.” </p><p>“Honestly, we don’t know enough about how our Unsub is functioning here to do much,” Hotch said ruefully. “We don’t know where he gets his victims, where he works, where he lives, etc. since he hasn’t done any killing yet, we don’t have much to do.” </p><p>“Go home, Shawn,” Juliet said, putting one hand on his arm gently. “Take a nap, eat something, relax with Carlton. Come back tomorrow refreshed, ok?” Shawn looked at her, then up at Carlton, who stood passive, but his eyes were gentle and loving. He huffed and looked back at her. </p><p>“Ok, give me updates on the case, ok?” Shawn said as he stood, or rather, tried to stand before he grabbed Carlton for support. </p><p>“You are excused for the day, gentlemen,” the Chief told them as Carlton opened the door. </p><p>“Thanks Ka- Chief,” Lassiter said, giving her a smile of gratitude. </p><p>Lassiter and Shawn made their way out of the precinct and towards the car. Twenty minutes later, they were entering their apartment and Shawn collapsed onto the couch, ready for a nap. “You need to eat something before you go to sleep, my love,” Carlton said to him, “I will make you some toast, you can have another Zofran and pain pill, and we will curl up on the couch and watch a movie, ok?” Shawn smiled at him. </p><p>“That sounds amazing.” Shawn replied.</p><p>Soon, they were cuddled up on the couch with Raiders playing, and Shawn was sleeping soundly with his head in Carlton’s lap. One of his large hands running through it gently, watching him sleep. </p><p>Carlton woke Shawn up after the movie to encourage him to have some slices of apple, but was unfazed as he nibbled on one and fell back asleep, his head against Carlton’s chest this time as another one of Shawn’s favourite movies was started up, even if he wasn’t awake to watch. </p><p>The bell rang as Sean Astin was convincing the other group of kids to go on a treasure hunt and Carlton carefully snuck out from under Shawn’s sleeping form to answer the door. Gus greeted him and pushed his way unceremoniously into the house. He stopped dead when he saw Shawn sleeping soundly on the leather loveseat, with the Goonies playing on the screen. </p><p>“What is wrong with my best friend.” Gus demanded of Carlton.</p><p>“Shh!” Carlton hushed him and shooed him outside, slipping on his own shoes and following, closing the door behind him. “Look,” Carlton didn’t quite know how to answer the protective friend without betraying his husband’s confidentiality. “Shawn hasn’t been eating much recently, and has been throwing up alot. He has lost a lot of weight. So right now we are working to eat many small meals and sleep a lot. But he hasn’t gone for more than a few hours without vomiting in at least a week. Even with Zofran.” Carlton added, absent-mindedly. He figured, if he couldn’t tell the man the whole truth, part of the truth works.</p><p>Gus looked concerned and slightly startled. “Zofran?” He asked in alarm. “It’s so bad you’ve gone to see a doctor?” Carlton silently cursed himself, he forgot that Gus knew medications so well. </p><p>“Yes, we discussed things with a medical professional,” Carlton replied evasively. Gus was staring at him, watching his face. </p><p>“There is something else you aren’t saying.” Gus observed. He had been spending too long with Shawn, apparently the man-child had been rubbing off on the pharmaceutical salesman. </p><p>“He is adamant that he doesn’t want anyone to know.” Carlton said firmly. “I have told you all I can.” Lassiter looked at the other man with an apologetic look. “I really am sorry. He will tell you when he feels ready.”</p><p>Gus frowned, then rolled his eyes and sighed. “Jules knows something but won’t tell me.”</p><p>“I had to tell O’Hara because she is my partner in the field. It is unacceptable to keep secrets from one another.” Carlton defended. “I don’t hold any obligation to you, other than that you are Shawn’s friend.”</p><p>“And yours, I hope.” Gus’s eyes softened slightly. “I’m sorry for pressing. But I’m worried about him. He hasn’t been acting like himself.” Carlton nodded</p><p>“I know, I am worried too. We all are. But nothing can be done until we hear back from the doctor, ok?” </p><p>“Fine.” </p><p>“Thanks for checking in, I will tell Shawn you stopped by.”</p><p>“Thanks. Tell him to text me.” Gus turned and started down the hall. </p><p>“Will do!” Carlton called after the retreating form. He went back inside and resumed his position underneath his husband’s thin form.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am oscillating between Shawn having ALS, Guillian-Barre Syndrome, and Paraneoplastic Sensory Neuropathy from a stage 2 or 3 Lymphatic Cancer. thoughts?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Glass Messages</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things speed up,</p>
<p>Shawn gets annoying</p>
<p>Gus joins the team</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the others</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the couple entered the precinct the next day they found a flurry of activity within the conference room. </p>
<p>“What happened?” Lassiter asked when they walked in. </p>
<p>“Reid noticed that the message for this first break in and the other three are different.” Hotch replied. “Something has changed.”</p>
<p>Shawn studied the message. “Ta-ta for he will cry...2” His jaw dropped. “Wait, there are only going to be two victims before he disappears this time?” Shawn asked incredulously </p>
<p>“It seems so,” Morgan replied. “Somehow he must know we are onto him.”</p>
<p>“No,” Shawn shook his head. “He knew we would figure out his pattern. He set it up in advance to be fewer.” Lassiter pulled Shawn into a chair before he collapsed, while the younger man explained his theory. “He laid out the message before we called you in, so at some point he knew that somehow this would be attributed to him. He was also banking on the fact that we would pull up his old cases to look for similarities.”</p>
<p>“He chose Santa Barbara because of you, Shawn.” Juliet concluded. “He knew you would figure out the discrepancy and bring the BAU out earlier than before. So he is giving you less to work with than the other times.” </p>
<p>The detectives and agents chewed on that terrifying thought for a moment. “It also must mean that he has been watching you.” Rossi added. “Have you noticed anyone around you more than they should be?”</p>
<p>Shawn thought about it. “Not really.” he answered. “He must be good, I tend to notice things like that.”</p>
<p>Lassiter nodded. “So do I.” </p>
<p>“Does this change our profile at all?” Prentiss asked.</p>
<p>“I can’t see how it would.” Reid replied. “We still have an intelligent, ego driven, sexual sadist. We already knew he put work into his captures and messages. That he knows basic criminal law and a variety of other things. He may work in the healthcare system, and may not. We know his approximate age, gender, and race is unknown but assumed to be white, in accordance to where he grew up. An obsessional fixation with one of the SBPD is not totally out of character, especially if they could possibly challenge his intelligence or prove an opponent in some way.” </p>
<p>“Hey Lassie, I have a fan.” Shawn said with a grin. “Why can’t my admirers ever be anyone normal?” Lassiter raised an eyebrow. </p>
<p>“Have you met you, Spencer?” He asked with a smirk. </p>
<p>“That hurts!” Shawn displayed an exaggerated wounded look as he turned to look towards his husband, “I am genuinely wounded, Lassie-face. Jules, I report domestic abuse!” He grinned and winked. Lassiter rolled his eyes but gave the man a warm smile, glad to see the man in better spirits. </p>
<p>Shawn hadn’t vomited at all since the previous day at the station, which Carlton was taking as a positive sign. If they could get past that 24 hour mark, then maybe they could make the three days. They were taking it slowly. But having lunch, a snack, dinner, and breakfast in the past 20 hours without vomiting once seemed to have given Shawn more energy than he had for the past few days, and that was enough for Carlton. </p>
<p>“The message is incomplete, right?” Juliet asked. “The actual idiom is ‘Ta-ta for now’, which means he has two more messages for us. He has also broken the pattern. There are extra words. ‘Now’ is the only word that has been removed, but he added ‘he will cry’.”</p>
<p>“That can’t be his message, I’m guessing we are gonna to end up having to rearrange the extra words to find the meaning when we get the next clue,” Morgan said, contemplatively </p>
<p>“A glass window was broken with a message under it after each body was found. Right before another kidnapping.” JJ reasoned. “It said two, so we probably won’t have our second message until we have recovered Blake Donally’s body, if we haven’t rescued him before then.”</p>
<p>“We can’t let him get away this time.” Rossi slammed his hand angrily on the table. “It’s been twenty years damnit! He will not disappear for another 5 years after torturing two more families by raping and murdering their loved ones on camera. It’s not going to happen!” </p>
<p>“If we could catch him now, we would Dave,” Hotch replied, “But we just don’t know enough about where he is.”</p>
<p>“How did he find his victims in the last cities?” Prentiss asked.</p>
<p>“Well, towns like these, while large enough to have a few specialists and doctors, it only has one hospital and one treatment center.” Chief Vick said. “If Santa Barbara is anything to judge by, I would bet you won’t have a problem finding overlap.” </p>
<p>“Garcia,” Hotch said to the speaker phone.</p>
<p>“What’s shakin’ bossman?” Garcia said from the other end of the phone.</p>
<p>“Can you find ways that the victims in the previous towns overlapped?” He asked, “Keep in mind, that there might be more than one.”</p>
<p>“Information highway is open and flowing,” She replied.</p>
<p>“A yes or no is adequate, Garcia,” Hotch said to her with a bit of a smile on his face,</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t that be an information river that is flowing? An information highway doesn’t flow, it conveys, transits, transfers.” Shawn said thoughtfully </p>
<p>“But who has ever heard of an information river?” Garcia asked</p>
<p>“I’ve heard it both ways.” Shawn said, grinning. </p>
<p>“I will set to work, Boss!” Garcia ignored Shawn and hung up. </p>
<p>“Nice to have you back, Shawn.” Juliet said with a smile. </p>
<p>Shawn looked afronted. “Back? Where have I gone? Did someone steal me when I wasn’t looking again? Lassie, I told you about that ghost in the filing room, you can be Dan Aykroyd, I’m Bill Murry.” </p>
<p>“I’m not calling you, Ghostbuster, thanks.” Lassiter said with a small smirk. “There are no ghosts in the filing room.” </p>
<p>“But what about employing one to take out this sicko?” He gestured to the board. “We could call upon the ghosts of the ghosts of the victims he murdered to ask about him.”</p>
<p>“No more seances!” Lassiter said firmly. Prentiss looked at Morgan with a smirk, the kid in front of them seemed totally different than the previous day.</p>
<p>“Hey Chicago, what do you think?” Shawn asked, turning to Morgan, who looked surprised. “Yeah, Agent Morgan, I’m guessing as the good christian boy you are, seances are a no go for you too huh? By the way, my favourite part of Chicago is the south side.” He smiled, “I love being manhandled!”</p>
<p>“Head Detective Lassiter, you have a delivery.” One of the station secretaries said, opening the door and finding him. Lassiter nodded and followed her out. Returning a moment later with a water bottle, a small white pill, and a banana, and giving them all to Shawn. </p>
<p>He had called the doctor that morning and asked her for a stronger prescription to deal with his pain, which seemed to be getting worse. So he had been expecting the delivery from the pharmacy. He was relieved when it finally came. He could tell the subtle signs that Shawn was showing of the increasing difficulty he was having fighting to conceal the pain he felt. Shawn accepted the pill and swallowed it quickly, but didn’t move to open the water or banana. </p>
<p>Carlton put a hand on his shoulder and Shawn looked him in the eye, silently he looked at the banana, telling him silently to eat it. The consultant rolled his eyes but held it up, and passed it to Carlton, who noticed that his hands were shaking slightly, enough that he would have had trouble opening the fruit. The detective opened it for him and passed it back. </p>
<p>“There are reports of a broken window on the east side of town,” McNab said poking his head into the conference room. “Nothing was taken.” </p>
<p>Another officer knocked and walked in as McNab exited, “we have a body,” he said, “right in front of the Psych office.” </p>
<p>“He is not only speeding up, but putting me off my appetite as well…” Shawn joked, attempting to lighten the mood, he had barely had a bite of his banana when, true to his word, he put it down on the table. “I hope Gus wasn’t around, he would have freaked”</p>
<p>“Oh, I was, and I did,” Gus said from the doorway, coming up to stand next to Shawn. “No one told me we were consulting on this case.” He looked from Lassiter, to Juliet, to Shawn, to Chief Vick. </p>
<p>“I thought Shawn told you,” Karen said, “Sorry, Guster, but yes, you are.” She introduced the BAU, “FBI’s BAU team, this is Burton Guster, the other half of the psychic consultant agency”</p>
<p>“You are also a psychic?” Prentiss asked skeptically.</p>
<p>“God no,” Gus said, shaking his head. “That’s all Shawn. I just help him with his… visions, sometimes.” </p>
<p>“Magic Head!” Shawn said with a laugh, putting a hand on Gus’s head from where he sat.</p>
<p>“You called in the body?” Hotch asked. </p>
<p>“Yes, it was there when I arrived this morning.” Gus replied, “I got there around 10, wanted to see Shawn was there and if there were any cases for us. He was in front of the door, bloody and naked, covered in cuts and bruises and really pale and thin. A weaker man than myself would have gone weak kneed at the sight of puked in the bushes, but I calmly called it in and came right over.”</p>
<p>“You went jelly legged, puked, and cried for twenty minutes before coming,” Shawn said, looking at his friend, who glared back.</p>
<p>“Did not.” He looked at Prentiss, and gave her a slow wave, “I deal with this stuff all the time, iron stomach Gus, they call me.” </p>
<p>Prentiss looked at JJ who returned her smirk</p>
<p>“Dude, you have grass stains on your pants, your eyes are red from crying and everyone knows you upchuck every time you see blood.” Shawn replied. “And if you are with Jules, stop hitting on every attractive woman you see! Besides you wouldn’t be able to handle someone like Agent Prentiss.”</p>
<p>“How do you know who I could handle?” Gus replied heatedly.</p>
<p>“Well, for one thing, she carries two guns more than regulation, she is the daughter of a diplomat, and you are just the wrong gender, buddy…” </p>
<p>Everyone turned to Emily, who blushed. Lassiter smacked him and Shawn looked around. </p>
<p>“Oh shit! Was that not out? I’m so sorry! I’m guessing no one is in the BAU? So...,” he pointed vaguely around. “I’m gonna stop talking now.”</p>
<p>“That’s probably a good idea.” JJ said seriously. “We have a rule about inter-office profiling, I don’t know how you know so much about each of us, but it is quite disturbing.” </p>
<p>“Like how you and Agent Morgan are both athletes?” He asked, she looked at him with an odd look. “What? It’s obvious. You both took advantage of your athletic prowess to get into College, am I right? You probably did soccer, Agent Morgan is obviously a Football player. Although… I’m done.” He had caught a look on Morgan’s face that was dangerous. </p>
<p>“You have proved to be impressive, Mr Spencer, but stop profiling your teammates or because we are some people you don’t want to piss off.” Rossi said lightly, a dangerous glint in his eye. </p>
<p>“Wow, yeah, cool. Hey, that was like that scene in The Godfather!-“  </p>
<p>“It’s best if you just cut him off or tell him to shut up when he rambles like this.” Lassiter explained. “His mouth gets him in trouble when he is nervous, and he has a tendency to sabotage his own relationships with others before they start to like him.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me,” Shawn said suddenly, getting up and heading for the door. “Bathroom.”</p>
<p>“He also tends to leave romances before they fall in love with him.” Gus added, as if Shawn hadn’t cut in.</p>
<p>“Ah,” JJ said, understanding, her look softening as she looked after him. “A cut and run type, doesn’t understand how to get close to people, or thinks they will leave him eventually.” </p>
<p>“Complicated relationships with his parents, I gather.” Prentiss concluded</p>
<p>“Henry was a good cop.” Karen defended.</p>
<p>“A good cop doesn’t mean he is a great dad,” Gus shot back. </p>
<p>“Can we get back to the case at hand?” Reid asked seriously. </p>
<p>“Yes, Reid, you and Morgan go to the broken window, take some pictures and figure out the meaning. Rossi, you and Prentiss go to the coroner and follow up with him. JJ and I will go to where the body was found.” Hotch said, dividing his team. “We need to find out what is making him speed up, and what his end game is.”</p>
<p>“Shawn and I will go with you to see Woody.” Gus said easily, I know Shawn never passes up an opportunity to see him.</p>
<p>Lassiter shook his head, “O’Hara, do you mind being paired with Guster for this case? I will take Shawn to see Strode, then we will meet you at the crime scene.” </p>
<p>Juliet nodded, “that’s fine with me, Carlton.” </p>
<p>They all got up from the table and to go to their respective assignments. Lassiter went to collect Shawn from the bathroom. “Shawn?” He called when he entered the tiled room. He opened every stall. “Shawn!!” He ran out into the precinct. “Has anyone seen Spencer?” Reid looked around, “Shawn Spencer,” Carlton clarified. </p>
<p>“I thought he went to the bathroom,” Hotch said from the front door</p>
<p>“He’s not there,” Carlton had a hard time keeping the panic from his features. </p>
<p>The chief understood the severity of the situation, the Unsub had a disturbing fascination with Shawn, they needed to find him, fast. “Find him!” She called to the precinct. The bustle of activity turned into a flurry of motion as people ran and searched every nook and cranny of the building. They searched outside and around the back of the building, the break rooms, the nap room, file room, everywhere and anywhere the Psychic had been known to hide. </p>
<p>Three quarters of an hour later, after turning up not a hide nor hair from the man in question, the BAU and SBPD had to conclude one thing, the unsub had taken Shawn Spencer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Taken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shawn is Kidnapped, </p><p>What happens to him</p><p>A video??</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning, Rape, Torture, Humiliation, Gaslighting.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The group abandoned their assignments and hastily filed back into the conference room. Juliet, Gus, Lassiter, Chief Vick, Hotch, Rossi, Reid, Morgan, JJ, Prentiss, and Buzz McNab stood around the table as Buzz shut the door and the blinds were closed. Morgan called Garcia and put her on speaker. Before she could speak he cut in quickly, “Emergency PG, no chit-chat this time,” </p><p>“What happened?” She asked, concerned.</p><p>“Shawn’s gone.” Lassiter said, confirming what everyone knew to be true. “The kidnapper took him.”</p><p><br/>
“Why would he do that though?” JJ asked, “Shawn doesn’t fit our profile.”</p><p>“He might,” Lassiter said with a sigh, “We don’t know yet, to be honest. We went to see an Oncologist on Friday, Shawn had a bunch of tests on Saturday. We know he is sick, we don’t know how sick or with what yet.”</p><p>The news hung over them like a weight, heavy and overbearing. “You had no right to keep that from us!” Gus said sharply to Lassiter, breaking the tension suddenly. “I’m his best friend, I knew something was wrong, he has been way too angry recently. The way he was speaking earlier wasn’t normal.”</p><p>“You think I don’t know that Guster?” Lassiter fumed. “I’ve been telling him to inform everyone for a week, but the only reason he came clean to me was because I caught him in the bathroom one morning. He even went to his PCP without me. You aren’t alone in being left out here.” </p><p>Gus sighed, “Shawn is a nightmare when he is sick, until he is seriously injured or ill, then he pushes through it until it’s almost too late to help him.” </p><p>“It’s what happened last year with Dr Richards, too.” Lassiter commented as an afterthought. </p><p>“Why didn’t this come as a surprise to you or Reid, Aaron?” Rossi asked Hotch. </p><p>“Reid and I had our suspicions when Detective Lassiter came in without Shawn on Saturday, then yesterday, I followed Detective Lassiter when he went to check up on him in the restroom.” Hotch replied, giving a level look to Rossi. “I told them that it could mean that Shawn could fit our victim profile, but considering they don’t have a diagnosis yet, I thought that maybe they wouldn’t.”</p><p><br/>
“Shawn might have been the Unsub’s target all along.” Garcia said, “One of the techs just sent me a photo of the newest broken window. It says ‘Never say he is Mine’, which if you think of the most common idioms -”</p><p>“‘Never say Die’.” Morgan supplied. “Which means the hidden messages are -”</p><p>“‘He is mine’, and ‘Now he will cry’” Reid said promptly, “Or ‘Now he will die’, the last word seems to be interchangeable, but I’m guessing that both would be relevant. Considering what he has done to the other victims.” </p><p>“Do you think he knew Shawn was sick the whole time?” JJ asked, “Or started the cycle as a challenge to Shawn, then when he found out made him the target?” </p><p>“It’s a good question,” Prentiss thought aloud. “He may have decided to make Spencer the target no matter what, and the fact that he has an illness is just coincidence.”</p><p>“No such thing.” Reid said without hesitation. </p><p>“Prentiss has a point.” Hotch said. “He seems very focused on Psych and Shawn, taking Shawn could have been his endgame for this cycle the whole time, it may be why he shortened his timeline so drastically. We still may have a month to work with, but his energies will all be focused on Shawn. Whom he has an unhealthy fascination for. He has proved smart and resourceful, and not afraid to leave the city.” </p><p>Lassiter’s eyes blazed a brilliant blue with the fury he was containing. “I will stop at nothing to find my husband.” He said. “If Shawn truly is sick, I won’t allow some bastard to take his final days from me.” He flung open the door to the conference room and left the other law enforcement officers and FBI staring after him. </p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>Shawn had been vomiting into the toilet at the precinct when the chloroform hit. His last thought was that Carlton was going to be so disappointed that he didn’t make it past the 24 hour mark before a mist entered the closed stall from below, hitting him full in the face, and he passed out before he could try and hold his breath. The next thing he knew he was wearing metal bindings around his wrists and ankles that bound them so tightly they nearly cut off circulation and that seemed to be connected to something that sounded like heavy chain and he was spread-eagle tight to a board. The board had small holes for the chains to go through, so they could tighten and loosen as his captor needed. He also wore a metal collar and belt that fit him similarly and had the same attachments. The board he was on currently held him up vertically, the heavy chains pulling him down on the other side. He looked around the room he was in and found it was concrete, with no windows and a single metal door. There was a shiny stainless steel table bolted to the floor in the center of the room that had a drain in the inwardly sloping tiled floor. Above the table was a large mirror and next to the mirror was a hand-held showerhead. The area of the room where shawn happened to be was completely concrete with a L shaped work bench that was covered in ropes, hammers, a large battery, knives, screwdrivers, a mig welder, a propane torch, some whips of different materials and boxes of medical supplies. There was also a meat hook connected to a chain on a pulley with what looked like a crank towards the foot of the table. Brand new eye hooks were screwed into the wall randomly.</p><p>Next to the table he saw a video camera on a tripod, currently it was pointing at him and it had a red light on. He grimaced. Great. Tortured to death on camera. His very own snuff film. Not the way he wanted to go. </p><p>After a few hours, Shawn was getting cold. Finally the door opened and a man no larger than Agent Hotchner descended the steps towards him. He wasn't that well muscled, nor was he too thin, he wore a button down shirt and khaki slacks and had light brown hair. He was unnervingly average. </p><p>“Shawn Spencer, How delightful it is to finally meet you.” said the man</p><p>“I couldn’t honestly say the same.” Shawn said dryly. “For one, I have no idea who you are, and B, you kidnapped me and from what I can tell are going to torture me.”</p><p>The man ignored this. “My name is Sean too, that is Ess ee aye enn, not ess ach aye double ewe enn.”</p><p>“You are a psychopath is what you are,” Shawn muttered. </p><p>“Enough chatter from you!” Sean sang, stuffing a gag in his mouth “Don’t worry Shawn, we are going to be such good friends, we have so much time ahead of us. I took all month off, you see!” He paused and thought for a moment, “I will have to kill you a few days before the month is out though, so I can leave well. But don’t worry, I will leave your husband a lovely gift! So play nice unless you want Carlton to be next!”</p><p>Shawn was on the point of struggling for dear life and grabbing at Sean’s hair before he lay back limply, hearing the threat against his husband. “Good boy. Oh, this is going to be such fun!” He picked up a large hunting knife from the table and came around to where Shawn was strapped. “Pesky clothes got to go!” He trilled, and he swiftly drew a large x across Shawn’s body, from arm to leg, cutting through clothing and flesh at once. A scream-turned-sob tried to rip itself from Shawn’s throat, but it was blocked by the gag that had been strapped to his face. </p><p>His clothing started to fall away, but some of it was held there by the restraints he wore. Frustrated Sean slashed at everywhere the clothing clinged until he was left naked and covered in bloody red knife wounds. Sean seemed happy again. He took the board that held Shawn and moved it towards the table. He pulled three chains out of their holes and strung them up so two on a hook, on a wall on one side of the table. Taking the bottom three chains, he did the same, this time pulling the two foot chains to the hook to the wall at the other side of the table. He went to the metal table where there must have been two more holes, because he slid the two chains, the one for Shawn’s collar, and the one for Shawn’s belt, through them and suddenly his torso couldn’t move. Sean tightened the slack on both his arms and legs then moved to look at Shawn in the center of the table. He removed the gag, and slipped something in his mouth that would prevent talking but his lips would still be available. Sean kissed the bound man on the freed lips, slipping his tongue into the mouth that had been forced open with the piece of plastic and metal. </p><p>Sean disappeared for a moment then reappeared with a long fat rubber tube covered in gel. He grabbed Shawn’s flaccid penis and slid the entire long rubber tubing inside. Shawn squirmed at the weird feeling in his nethers. Sean moved down Shawn’s torso and kissed the limp organ, licking and stroking it to bring it to life. Once it was hard Sean went back to his work table and returned with a small ring. He slid this up the tubing and onto the base of Shawn’s cock and fit it behind his balls. Shawn winced in pain as the ring was forced closed, cutting off excess circulation. A Mig welder was brought over and the small ring was welded shut. Shawn cried out at the burning of the metal against his flesh.  </p><p>Sean loosened one of the captive’s legs, bending it forcefully over the other as he made his way up to Shawn’s torso. He knew what must be coming next. He tried to kick his one loosened leg, but it was held fast. Something pushed into him, it felt small and rubbery. Sean turned his hips to the side. He felt a gush into him. It felt watery and weird, and not at all what he was expecting. </p><p>Sean went to his table once again and returned with a roll of plastic that had something coating a section of the inside. With a popsicle stick, he took some of the clear gel and poked it inside  the entrance of Shawn’s shaft, covering the rubber tube that was emerging from it. When he finished he held the hard penis fast as he wrapped the plastic over the tip and the tube that was entering it, creating a seal. He kept wrapping until the entire shaft was covered in the thin plastic, and it went a few inches up the rubber tube for good measure as well. Going back to his workspace he brought over what looked like a hairdryer. He held it close to the erect shaft and the plastic started to shrink. Shawn squirmed as the uncomfortable plastic tightened on his sensitive penis. Sean took no notice of Shawn’s discomfort but continued what he was doing. </p><p>Suddenly the table disappeared from under Shawn’s legs leaving his ass exposed. Something hot hit Shawn’s lower abdomen hard and everything emptied onto the tiled ground below. He heard something plastic hit concrete far away and shatter, and Sean smirked as he grabbed the showerhead and rinsed everything down the drain. He sprayed Shawn with cold water and sent a hard stream straight at his face and into his mouth. Shawn coughed and choked, turning his head and trying to expel the water that had been forced into him. </p><p>Sean took the loosened leg and unhooked it, moving it’s chain to another one of the hooks high up on the walls, he took the other leg and moved that one also moving it out and up, opening up Shawn’s body so he could maneuvered himself between the legs of his captive, putting. Shawn closed his eyes again and held his breath as a zipper was heard releasing its contents. A hot blunt object positioned itself at Shawn’s entrance and he tried very hard to imagine it was his husband there, whispering sweet words and brushing back his hair, opening him up gently before penetrating him with care. That fantasy was shattered as the blunt sex instrument forced it’s way into Shawn without any preparation or lubrication. As he was pounded into an unforgiving metal table that was bolted to a tile floor. His legs were held open by chains and pushed further apart by unforgiving hands, stretching painfully as the thrusting grew harder and deeper. The psychopath slowed his pace as he pulled out all the way, ramming back in as hard as he could. Pain grew with each thrust, not just from the hole, or where he was being bound, but from his spine, his neck, his arm had gone numb again. Agony was filling his whole body while Sean pulled his cock all the way out and rammed back in. Shawn closed his eyes against the pain and the humiliation, right after noticing a camera pointed at him from above. </p><p>Shawn didn’t know how long Sean fucked him for. At one point he remembered a knife making its way into the party again, slicing its way down his stomach and up his numb bicep. Sean knew how to prolong a single orgasm, at least, his own orgasm. The cock ring made it impossible for him to release. Each time he saw pain on Shawn’s face, or visibly saw the results of his exploits on Shawn’s body, the captive could feel the Psychopath growing closer to orgasm. Of course, Shawn thought. An extreme sexual sadist, he can’t get off without inflicting pain. FInally, with a stab into Shawn’s lower abdomen, Sean released into the captive and pulled out. He left the knife embedded in the boy’s stomach as he took some tissues, cleaned himself off, and tucked himself away, then repositioned Shawn’s legs so he was once more spread with his arms above his head and his legs pulled tight downwards.</p><p>He rummaged into the box of medical supplies and pulled out a thick IV tube and line. He carelessly took a needle and inserted it into a vein on Shawn’s inner thigh, by his groin. Shawn’s breath hitched at the unwelcome intrusion in the sensitive place as Sean fixed a thick line into his body. </p><p>“Now you will never need to move!” Sean said happily. He pulled up the table again so it ended around Shawn’s knees. “An intravenous nutrition line and a catheter, you should last just about three weeks before you starve to death.” Sean chuckled. “Before that we can play any way we want.” he removed the foreign object from within Shawn’s mouth. </p><p>“We will start behavioural training tomorrow.” Sean said with a sly grin. “No talking or making any noises unless you want a nice sharp shock in your collar.” </p><p>“Shock collars are so turn of the century,” Shawn replied, “Haven’t you heard the animal cruelty laws?” </p><p>“No quips either!” Sean said with a broad grin. “Do you want to start your training tonight?”</p><p>“I thought behavioral training was for dogs.” Shawn said distastefully </p><p>Sean seemed to be jumping for joy. “Tonight it is then, my bitch.” </p><p>A black collar was fitted above the metal one and pulled tightly. Too tightly. Shawn choked, gasping for breath as Sean locked the collar on a rung two settings too small. </p><p>“Aww, Shawney,” Sean said sweetly. “I don’t know what you are so upset about. We get to spend your last few weeks having all the fun you can imagine, it’s so much more exciting than laying in a bed, wasting away from whatever it is you have. Didn’t you say you were angry? At everyone? Even your dear husband? Now you won’t have to see him anymore before your untimely demise!” Sean was pacing around the cellar talking at Shawn exuberantly. “See, I really am doing you a favor. You are far too pretty to waste away over months. Better to kill you while you are still gorgeous. Be mine Shawn, wait, why am I asking, I have already stolen you… HAHAHA!! YOU ARE MINE!! Love me, I am the only one who will appreciate a broken beauty like you. No one can stand the terminally ill. NO ONE. I am the exception. I LOVE you. Everyone will just pity you. I won’t. I will fuck you until you can’t stand. Then fuck you some more. I am going to keep you hidden so no one else can see you, because you are all mine. MINE!” </p><p>Shawn’s eyes were watering and he was starting to lose consciousness. Everytime he choked he received a shock from the collar, which made him gasp and choke again. Finally, just as Shawn was about to pass out from lack of oxygen, Sean released the collar and set it to a larger rung, one where he could breathe easily. Shawn coughed has he fought to get air back in his lungs. The collar punished each cough and gasp. As Shawn’s breathing regulated Sean came over with something he couldn’t see and switched out the collar for a nearly identical one. This one had metal spikes running along the inside, and as Shawn gasped, feeling a small tug past comfortable then releasing once more, he felt a shock that went through his entire body this time. Sean had messed with the voltages of the collar to output more electricity each time it shocked him, and the metal collar, plus the table and other metal restraints, carried the shock easily from head to fingertips in microseconds. Well, this sucked, Shawn thought to himself. It was definitely one way to get him to shut up though. </p><p>“Now Shawn,” Sean said seriously, “It’s late, and you are exhausting,” Shawn rolled his eyes, Sean hit him in the head with the hilt of his knife. “YOU are why I am tired, you are the reason EVERYONE is irritated, they don’t take their bad moods out on you, you are the REASON for their bad moods.” His breezy air was gone. His eyes looked menacing. “It’s good you are terminal, Shawn. That pretty head detective would have never been able to stand being married to you for much longer anyway.” He turned on his heel and went up the stairs, closing the metal door behind him. </p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>“Sir,” Hotch answered his phone on the first ring. They had been working nearly nonstop since Shawn disappeared, but no leads have turned up. </p><p>“What do you have Garcia?” Hotch asked quickly. </p><p>“I thought the videos were delivered to the family after the body was discovered.” She said hesitantly.</p><p>“That’s been his pattern, but a lot of things have been off about this abduction,” Hotch replied. “What did you find?”</p><p>“This was just sent to me, in my personal inbox, not my FBI inbox,” She said, sounding scared, “I tried tracing the origin of the file, but it was sent through multiple proxy servers all over the world. No way to do a back trace. It’s not live so there is no live feed. Sorry.” <br/>
“What is it Garcia?” Morgan asked, patiently. </p><p>“Is the SBPD there? Detective Lassiter?” She asked</p><p>“He stepped out for a moment.” Reid said, curiously. “You got a video, didn’t you.” It was a statement. </p><p>“It’s pretty bad.” She confirmed. “You can hear the unsub speaking to Shawn, he is gaslighting him. Telling Shawn that he should be happy he took an interest, he is the only one who will appreciate him, better to be killed when still beautiful, etc. then he basically starts saying that Shawn is too irritating to ever be loved.”</p><p>“Does he only verbally abuse him?” Hotch asked, suspecting an answer. </p><p>“No, I sent you the video.” She asked. “I don’t really want to go through it again. Just wanted to let you know. PG out.”</p><p>The Chief, O’Hara, and Lassiter had gone out for a coffee break with Prentiss, JJ, and Rossi ten minutes earlier. It was nearly 10 at night and they were all exhausted. Reid went to the computer and pulled it open, finding the file and opening it. The film had been sped up in some places, they watched in quadruple speed as the unsub walked down the stairs to greet Shawn who was spread eagle on a board in restraints. They watched as he used a knife to remove all pieces of clothing, leaving behind long red gashes. In quadruple speed they saw Shawn be moved to a stainless steel table where their perspective changed to top down. They watched as he was cleaned and a tube was stuck down his urethra, then it was tightly bound and covered, as his bowels were forcefully emptied and he was sprayed harshly with a shower head as his filth was washed down the drain. As his legs were repositioned and he was raped, repeatedly. </p><p>As luck would have it, it was at this point in the video that it went back to normal speed. It was also at this point that the three other agents and the detectives returned. As soon as they walked into the conference room they heard two voices making unmistakably sexual noises. </p><p>JJ raised an eyebrow at the men. “We are gone thirty minutes and you turn to porn, really?”</p><p>Reid scowled, “I don’t watch porn, this is evidence, it’s-”</p><p>“Shawn…” Lassiter had gone white. He hurried over to the computer that was playing the video but Juliet put a hand on his arm and stopped him. </p><p>“Carlton, do you really want to see him like that?” She asked kindly, understanding in her eyes. “I know I wouldn’t if it was someone I loved.” </p><p>Lassiter was about to protest when the Chief spoke up. “She’s right, Carlton. Let the BAU do their job, you keep your happy memories with Shawn.” She was standing behind the back of the computer, not looking into the screen. “O’Hara, I would say that you should do the same. Do much of the investigation as you can do without seeing the video as you can.” She turned to Hotch. “Is that agreeable to you Agent Hotchner?” She asked. </p><p>He nodded at her, then turned to Lassiter, “I understand your feeling that you need to watch in order to be useful, but there are many other ways to do the job. We see this stuff more often than you, we are further removed from Mr Spencer, so while it is always personal for us when a Local Officer, or in this case Consultant, gets injured or abducted, we don’t have the same past and history with him as you do. Not to mention, from what I can tell, this Unsub seems particularly sadistic.” The unsub was speaking now, his voice was modulated but they could clearly hear him tell Shawn about the behavioral training. Then they heard choking.</p><p>“Shawn!” Lassiter cried trying to run over once more. </p><p>“See, I really am doing you a favour” They heard the Unsub say, “You are far too pretty to waste away over months. Better to kill you while you are still gorgeous.” Juliet and Carlton stared at each other over the monologue, tears started running down Juliet’s cheeks. “HAHAHA!! YOU ARE MINE!! Love me, I am the only one who will appreciate a broken beauty like you. No one can stand the terminally ill. No one. I am the exception. I love you. Everyone will just pity you. I won’t. I will fuck you until you can’t stand. Then fuck you some more. I am going to keep you hidden so no one else can see you, because you are all mine. MINE!” </p><p>“NO!” Carlton shouted, running a hand through his hair, then slamming it on the table. There was coughing and gasps for breath coming from the computer. Carlton seemed to be able to breathe again also. The unsub was speaking again. “you are why I am tired, you are the reason everyone is irritated, they don’t take their bad moods out on you, you are the reason for their bad moods.” The unsub sounded angry, far angrier than he had before. He was sneering now. “It’s good you are terminal, Shawn. That pretty head detective would have never been able to stand being married to you for much longer anyway.” There was the sound of a door being closed. </p><p>Reid shut the computer. They all looked at each other, quietly. Lassiter was furious. How dare that… Psychopath… try to convince Shawn that they wouldn’t work out. They were just starting to do well. When he came back home there is no telling how far this meddling will set them back. Shawn was already fragile emotionally, he had a tendency to run when he had a feeling he could get hurt, or hurt others. Hell, he already told Carlton that he would have run already but he was physically incapable of it. He sat down in a chair and put his head in his hands. Juliet put her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Does the video tell us anything?” Chief Vick asked the BAU Agents. </p><p>“From what Garcia said, he sent it to her personal email account through multiple proxy servers around the world.” Reid said, “He is smart enough technologically to cover his tracks, and his work space looks like he planned for this. In fact, many things look brand new. Which seems to go against everything we know about him already. Because we know that he has been killing for at least 15-20 years, if not longer, so he is obviously not inexperienced, but why would he have a new kil room unless he recently came here for a purpose. We know he recently arrived, but the room looks like it has taken some time to modify, so he must have been here longer than we thought. The room is also brand new, no blood on anything, so where did he kill Blake Donally? Where did he hold him? Why not hold him here unless he was getting this room ready specially for someone? But he doesn’t go after specific people, he has types, a very clear victimology. So what is it about Shawn that made him change his pattern?”</p><p>They all sat there, absorbing the information. </p><p>“Well, we didn’t know Shawn could be sick until a week or so ago, there were signs, but we don’t even have results yet as to if he is terminal.” Lassiter said, “So why take him if he isn’t sure of the prognosis?” He asked</p><p>“That’s another good point.” JJ said, “How did this guy find out? You haven’t told anyone you know yet, so how did a complete stranger find out?” </p><p>There was a long pause</p><p>“Let’s pick this up tomorrow.” Chief Vick said, looking at her watch. “It’s late and we aren’t going to get anymore done tonight. We need some sleep before we start again in the morning. Hopefully we can answer some questions tomorrow when we come back bright and early.”</p><p>Hotch nodded. “I agree, we get nothing done without sleep.” </p><p>Lassiter looked up at the Chief. “Yes, you too Carlton. Go home.” She said to him. He sighed and left the conference room with everyone else. </p><p>In no time he was back home, showered and in his night clothes. He got into bed, but it felt far too large for him on his own. He was lonely without Shawn’s body heat next to him, and his head on his chest, snuggling into him as they slept. Carlton pulled Shawn’s pillow over to him and clutched it to his chest, the smell of Shawn’s shampoo and conditioner, pineapples and coconuts filled his nose, and he could see Shawn’s bright hazel eyes looking up at him from his spot in the bed, as he snuggled close, bodies finding each other, legs intertwining and becoming a interlocked mess of limbs. He remembered pulling the younger man beneath him for a long kiss, just that morning as Shawn grumbled about not wanting to go in, then giving him a sly smirk, as if to say, ‘I’d much rather spend the whole day in bed with you.’</p><p>He wished now that they hadn’t gone in and just spent the whole day cuddling in bed, relishing in each other’s warmth and love. </p><p>“Shawn,” He said softly into the pillow, burying his face into it. Carlton knew this would be a very long night. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, things are gonna get a lot worse for Shawn before they get better. don't hate me too much</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Playtime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shawn is still with the Unsub </p><p>a week goes by</p><p>BAU starts to figure some important things out about him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW, Rape, torture, gang rape, sensory deprivation,</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shawn awoke the next morning to a needle in his neck. He jerked his head around and saw Sean grinning down at him. “Oh good, you’re up, Just wanted to start you off with a few medicines I’ve been perfecting over the years.” he held up the empty syringe. “That one will make you hypersensitive.” He traced the sharp point of the next needle down his bare stomach. Shawn shivered at the touch, it felt like his nerves were on overdrive. Sean walked around to Shawn’s groin and stabbed the base of his still fully erect penis. He screamed and a painful bolt of electricity ran through him. Sean didn’t move the needle, or push it’s plunger. Instead he walked away. He traced the third and final needle up his chest, down his arms, and back along his torso again, as if searching for the most sensitive place on Shawn’s body. He must have figured it out because he unhooked one of Shawn’s captive legs and ran the needle in between them, then brutally forced the tip up into his perineum. Shawn screamed again, sending another jolt of electricity all the way to his toes. </p><p>“This medicine will make you unable to move, but it affects muscle not nerves, so happily you will still be able to feel everything,” Sean said, pushing down on the plunger by Shawn’s groin. “This one,” He pushed the final plunger of the needle with a sexual groan, “is my little gift to you, everyone says you have a fire running through your veins. So feel it. Feel the fire Shawn. You are on fire.” </p><p>Shawn indeed felt like he was burning from the inside out. Not the pleasant kind of burning, burning of passion like he felt when he was with Carlton, no, it hurt, it was an angry fire, it roared within him and tore at his hyper-sensitive nerves. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. All he could feel was fire. He realised Sean was changing his position. A chain was being lowered, his belt had released. He should push Sean away and run. But he couldn’t move a single finger. Tears formed in his eyes as he closed them and saw himself as if from above, naked and being manhandled by this psychopath. He was turned over onto his stomach. His metal belt was back and attached now to the ceiling, leaving his pelvis hovering inches over the table. His arms were crossed behind him and attached to opposite walls, his collar stayed fixed to the table. His legs were released and a chain was looped under each thigh. His ankles were fixed to hooks above Sean’s head, as far apart and back as he could make them go. He pulled up the chains under Shawn’s thighs so that they held them high and taught. </p><p>Sean grabbed the tube extruding from Shawn’s penis and pulled it taught. Shawn felt a painful tug running up into his abdomen. Sean grabbed a knife and punched a small hole into the table that he threaded the tube into. He took the empty nutritional bag from Shawn’s IV and threw it to the side. He took another one and some stretching medical tape and attached the bag to Shawn’s leg. Reattaching it to the IV when he was satisfied it wouldn’t go anywhere. </p><p>The resulting position left him at a low downward sloping angle with his head resting on the table, and his legs splayed out so his hole was on display. </p><p>“Perfect.” Sean said with a smile. “Now let’s play. What shall we do first? Shall I love you? Shall I hurt you? Shall I make you bleed, should I make you burn? Should I give you pleasure? Should I take my own? HMM, so many options for me Shawney, and look over here,” Sean walked over to the array of toys, knives, tools, and instruments on the table,  “So many fun options to choose from. Don’t worry, we will work our way through them all, if you are a good boy that is.” </p><p>“I think I want to hurt you Shawn, something about your face just makes me want to fuck you hard and without mercy.” He unzipped his own hard member, and stroked it a few times, lazily spreading the precum around the head. He climbed up onto the table that was now vacant of Shawn’s body and kneeled between his legs. “This is going to feel so good Shawny,” He said as he rubbed his pulsing cock over the psychic's displayed hole. “Oh, Shawny, you are so beautiful down here, I wish you could see,” he rubbed a thumb across the opening. “I want to tear it apart!” viciously he stabbed the thumb into the pink hole as he spoke. He took hold of Shawn’s thigh with one hand, and gripped his hip with the other with a force that was agonizing on Shawn’s over-sensitized body. Sean plunged downwards into Shawn without holding back and continued his pace until he released his seed within the living doll. </p><p>“Ahh,” Sean said as he climbed off the table, putting himself together again. “Now that’s better. Aren’t you lucky, I gave you my seed. Hold on to it or I shall think you don’t appreciate what you are given. I may have to punish you.” He smirked then wandered up the stairs and turned off the lights. He was left like that the rest of the day. Shawn could feel something coming out of him, but he couldn’t stop it. He tried, but whatever his kidnapper gave him prevented him from moving any of his muscles. He was barely able to figure out how to keep his eyes moist. He was a sex doll. A living breathing doll that Sean had taken to act out his wildest and most gruesome fantasies with. He had an expiration date. He didn’t know how to feel anymore. He was in more pain than he could ever imagine all over his body, he was humiliated, angry, ashamed, and frustrated. Mostly he hurt and he was exhausted, being in pain all the time was tiring. His entire body throbbed in different ways, at different times and in different rhythms. He couldn’t take stock because of the pulsing in his head. God this was a mess. He didn’t want Carlton to see him like this. But he didn’t want to die. He hated feeling like he needed to be rescued, but he knew if anyone could find him, Carlton could. He closed his eyes and fell into oblivion. </p>
<hr/><hr/><p>He must have drifted off at some point, because again he came to with a needle. Three punctures in quick succession and suddenly he was plunged into the same fiery pit as the day before. Still unable to move. Suddenly he realised that all his chains were released and his metal belt was removed.</p><p>“I am so disappointed in you!” Sean said, coming around to his back and seeing the drops of semen on the table. “I will have to punish you for disobeying my orders, Shawn. You must learn not to make me angry, or this will be a very unpleasant three weeks for you.”</p><p>“We need to make you presentable to my friends. You will entertain my friends, won’t you Shawn?” Sean said with a sly smile, He removed the bag of IV fluids from Shawn’s thigh then he turned him over tugging the tube out of the hole in the table. After tying the end he brought the erect cock to Shawn’s abdomen. He took out a large curved needle and easily pressed through the skin. It dug deep then came back up, bringing a thick metal cable with it, he brought this around the hard flesh then pierced the skin again, just under the first one. Around and around he went with the cable, finally he tugged it tight, all the slack slipping away as the thick muscle was held fast to the abdomen. “How do I close this?” Sean thought out loud, looking puzzled. He brought one end through the tightened portion and the other end through as well, when the ends came together he tied them in a square knot. “Well, that won’t hold.” He went over to his work bench and brought over the torch, turning the gas on then striking the fire and adding the oxygen. He adjusted the flame until it was white with a blue center and had a feathery tip. “Lovely,” He said with relish. “I love propane torches, they get so hot, just feel,” He ran the flame across Shawn’s torso, letting it linger in some places and bringing the flesh to meet the blue part of the flame. </p><p>Shawn wanted to scream in agony at the pain of the fire on his skin. The injections from before had demobilized him, hyper-sensitized him, and spread fire through his veins, and now the psychopath was setting fire to him on the outside as well as the inside. The torch was brought down to the square knot made in the metal cable. After a few passes it was melted into a ball, and Shawn’s penis was on fire. The torch was turned off and put away. “We will play with that some more later, Shawney, don’t you worry,” Sean said with a giggle. Shawn’s wrist shackles were locked together and one of the chains got taken off, and attached to the end of the other one. “Oh goodie, you are almost done!” Sean said jovially. Something too large and awkward shaped was fitted into him, but his rim was able to close fully. It pressed on his abdomen from within and hurt when a thick metal belt was clamped tightly across his hips, on top of his erect penis, squishing it into Shawn’s abdomen.He took a large ring that was fitted to a strap and pried open Shawn’s mouth to fit it in, wrapping the strap around his head and pulling it tight. He then placed a hood over Shawn’s head, tying it to the metal collar, Shawn could feel air entering his mouth. </p><p>“Playtime!” Sean said, he gripped the chains from the wrist shackles and started up the stairs, pulling Shawn behind him. There was a loud thump as he was pulled off the table, but Sean didn’t seem to care. Shawn had no idea where they were going, he could only tell where they were by the ground he was being dragged under and the feel of the sun on his skin. It was making him warmer than he had been in days. He tried to relish that feeling while he could. Then he was in the shade, being pulled over roots and dirt. He heard a flimsy plastic door open and smelt something fowl. He felt himself being pulled up by the arms to a standing position, then forced to bend down on something and kneel with his head down, hitting something that felt like plastic. He felt the chain for his collar tug and get locked somewhere. His hands were immobilized above him, he heard a click and heard something small enter cloth.His ankle chains were also hooked somewhere, but he could hear that they were given slack. “Now Shawn, be a good boy and entertain my friends when they come to play, ok?” Sean leered. “I will come back for you later. Have a good punishment!” Shawn felt something get removed from within him, and heard the flimsy door slam shut. Something sounding like a felt marker was making a resounding noise. And then it stopped. And Shawn was left all alone. </p><p>It didn’t stay that way though. Shawn couldn’t keep track of the time, so he didn’t know how long he knelt there before a group of men’s voices came close enough to hear. “...hurt to check it out…” said one voice. </p><p>“The post said the outhouse with the keep out sign right?” said another.</p><p>“Did it say what we could do with him?” asked a third.</p><p>“From what I could tell, don’t kill him, and don’t take him.” The first voice said with a lustful edge.</p><p>“Sounds too good to be true,” The second voice said, “He is unverified, never on the dark web before,” </p><p>“Still, could be a gold mine,” The first man replied. “You really going to waste this opportunity?” The men were right outside the small place he was locked inside. </p><p>“Who’s first?” A new voice asked. </p><p>“Does it matter?” Another new voice answered. </p><p>“We all saw the post, we all get a turn.” the third voice said. The door opened. </p><p>“Oh, better than I had hoped, guys, take a look at this!” there were lascivious “ooh”s  and “Aww”s, and moans and zippers being unzipped, fighting in the doorway and suddenly someone was in him. They had thrust all in with one go, pushing his head down into the plastic and moving one of his chained legs for better access. All he could hear were grunts as the penis thrust inside him, there were jubilant cheers from outside and urges for him to finish. Eventually the erection withdrew after leaving its thick coating of semen inside. More footsteps, exiting, then entering. Someone rattled the chains on his neck, and on his ankles, then the ones on his wrists. </p><p>“Guys, we can have him change position,” He undid the collar chain and grabbed his chin and pulled it back for him to see, forcing him to arch his back to show the ring in his mouth. “We can fuck both holes!” he said exuberantly. He thrust his large cock into Shawn’s mouth, standing on the seat so he could thrust at a downward angle. Footsteps approached and he heard chains rattle, his leg was grabbed and forced upwards, something hot and hard plunging into the wet hole. </p><p>“Talented toy,” Someone outside said with a leer. “Two at once, from behind.” </p><p>“I need to hurt him,” said a close voice from behind. “Anyone have a knife, or something?</p><p>“Just punch the slut.” One of the onlookers said with relish. </p><p>“Break his leg,” Said another.</p><p>“Choke him,” a third suggested </p><p>“Bite him,” commented a fourth. </p><p>“I’ll choke, if you want to hit, or bite or break something.” Said the one above him.</p><p>“Sounds fun,” Said the one at the back.</p><p>He was choking, gasping for breath, one cock still in his mouth, another in his ass, and he struggled to get air into his lungs. Then the fist connected. It started at his midsection, then his ribs were punched, he was being punched and fucked, choked and face-fucked all at the same time, and he wasn’t going to stay conscious much longer. With a wave of relief, he dropped into oblivion. </p>
<hr/><p>When he awoke, he realised that he was still in that outhouse, he had changed positions, and someone was still fucking him. He tried mentally assess his body and realised that he was almost entirely covered in semen. His hole was full, and cum was falling out of his mouth. The cock pulled out of his ass, just in time to shove in his mouth and cum down his throat. He honestly didn’t know how he wasn’t choking by this point. He felt a different sensation in his hole, something dextrous, fingers, an entire hand fit itself into him. “He is so loose” Someone laughed. “Look at all this cum inside him, it’s gross,” “He’s a cumdumpster,” “whore,” “Slut,” “Pussy,” </p><p>The large fist was joined by another, and together they pummeled into Shawn. “I’m tired of fucking him...” said one of the men outside. The fists were removed, and one struck him across the face.</p><p>“The post said we can do what we want, but not to remove anything he is wearing, not to kill him, and not take him.” another said. Someone slammed the sole of his foot down on Shawn’s chest.</p><p>“Perfect, I needed a punching bag.” He felt blows landing all over his body while he remained motionless in the odd position the last person had left him in. </p><p>Shoes exited and entered quickly, each taking their turn with their fists or feet. Shawn’s head had been hit, punched, kicked, slapped and kneed before he was finally able to fall into the peaceful solitude that was unconsciousness. </p>
<hr/><p>The next time he awoke he was being dragged across the ground again. Sean hummed as he dragged Shawn with him through the trees. “We are going to wash you up and let you sleep all nice and cozy tonight, because I think you deserve it.” Shawn could hear the leer in his voice. “You deserve everything I do to you Shawn. Do you hear me?” His tone suddenly turned vicious. He stopped suddenly, pushing Shawn down on his stomach and pushed open his legs, he drove his fist into Shawn with a savage speed, punching the younger man from the inside. He opened his hand and roughly groped inside for any filth before tearing out the metal ring and pulling out his cock. Pulling up the hips to get a better angle, he slammed himself into the widened hole mercilessly. He moved inside with a terrible speed and energy, ruthlessly pummelling Shawn into the hard ground. “Fucking whore, slut, disgusting fag, queer, useless, die, bitch, die, whore, die, scum, fag, slut, die, die, die,” with every word he pounded himself into Shawn, “The world will be better without you in it. Greasy wench, loser, ugly, faggot, twink, nobody loves you, queer, harlot, bitch, homo, fairy,” a knife had come out now. “Stupid, useless, shit head, queer, faggot, queer, die, bitch, die!” with every word and thrust the knife was driven into Shawn’s limp form. With one final deep slice across his back and plunge, of the knife, Sean came. He wiped his blade on Shawn’s flesh and pocketed it. </p><p>“Oopsies, you mustn’t make me angry Shawny, goodness knows what I may do to you!” Sean said innocently, picking up the discarded metal ring, the camera, and the chains and moving to the house again. </p><p>Special kind of psychopath thought Shawn as he was dragged down the concrete steps. A meat hook was lowered from the ceiling and hooked to his wrist restraints, Sean cranked it up so Shawn’s hands nearly touched the ceiling and the camouflage covering was cut swiftly from his form. Sean took the shower head and sprayed Shawn all over with it, not bothering to remove the darkened goggles or gag. He sprayed some frigid water directly into Shawn’s mouth, then opened his legs and fitted the shower head into the hole and turned it on. The icy water felt good, and it was removed far too quickly for Shawn’s liking. Sean hummed to himself as he busied himself around the cellar. Shawn couldn’t see what he was doing, but he could feel his legs being lifted and spread too wide once more. A needle and thread carelessly closed the stab wounds. Sean made a face. “Not pretty,” He said with a frown, while he flicked Shawn around, so his back was  able to be accessed. His limbs twisted in the uncomfortable position. but was unable to move as Sean went to his workbench and rummaged for something. He pulled out some iron on patches and a plug in Iron. he sat next to Shawn and let his hands run down the sensitive naked body as he let the hot metal heat up. Sean checked the temperature with some water dripping from Shawn’s hair, finding satisfaction when it didn’t just sizzle, the droplets leaped from the hot metal and a hissing noise escaped. Sean hummed with happiness as he took one of the patches and pressed it over one of the stab wounds, adding the hot iron and letting the plastic melt into Shawn’s skin. He did the same over each stab wound on Shawn’s back. Then for good measure, added one on the wound he created on his front also. Shawn was in agony as the hot iron melted the plastic and skin together, fusing them into one. The only indication of the pain he suffered was the increased rate of his breathing, it becoming erratic and fast paced. He thought he was going to die from the pain alone.</p><p>Sean released the knot holding the catheter tube closed and let it go. He felt the IV get reattached and something hang from one of the chains he was on. Shawn could hear footsteps as Sean walked around him. “One more thing.” Sean chuckled. He took a nylon strap and locked it to the belt, then brought it under Shawn’s back and through his wrist restraints. He tied it tightly. “So nothing falls overnight.” Sean said vaguely “Ta-ta!”</p>
<hr/><hr/><p>Days passed in complete darkness before Sean reappeared again. He stormed in without saying a word. He removed the nylon strap from the belt, rammed a needle into a hip, pulled out the plug and assailed the hole. He thrust upwards into the immobile body, his fist driving upwards into the body that was hovering in the air, too high to fuck. He couldn’t wait, “Whore, slut, piece of shit,” He said as he plowed his hand into the wet cavern. “No good pussy, ass, shit, fuck, hate her, bitch.” the thrusts stopped long enough to move the ankle chains to the meat hook and push in the retractable part of the table. The crank lowered Shawn to below where he would lie on the table making it easy for Sean to access at a downward angle. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock, thrusting into the hole using Shawn’s blood for lube. Violently he pummeled into the exposed ass, steading Shawn’s body against the edge of the table for leverage. He continued his ream of insults as he went, “fat, ugly, stupid, bitch,” he said as he took the captive, ramming himself in as hard and fast as he could with each word. “Worthless, disgusting, fag, sick, cunt, kill you, kill you, die, die, die.” With a final furious slam, Shawn was filled, and Sean tucked himself back in, and left, flicking the lights back off as he closed the door once more.  </p>
<hr/><hr/><p>It had been nearly a week since the last video and Carlton was getting anxious. They were turning up no leads anywhere, and he didn’t  want to think about what the psychopath was doing to his Shawn. He was having trouble sleeping, all he could hear was those words being said, over and over, in that modulated voice. Juliet, Chief Vick and Guster had started rotating the task of making sure he ate. </p><p>“Shawn would want you to take care of yourself, Carlton,” Juliet said one day after she brought him a sandwich and laid it on the conference table. He just huffed, staring at the map with the geographical profile that Reid had been working on. </p><p>The sixth day after Shawn’s disappearance they got another call from Garcia. </p><p>“Sir,” She said, with her usual spunk gone. “I got another one. I didn’t even open it. I couldn’t.”</p><p>“Forward it on Garcia,” Hotch said, staring at the board with the profiles on them, a picture of Shawn’s face had joined the other 13 victims, with the large red letters MISSING, under them. With what is a record of thirteen confirmed deaths and one confirmed kidnapping, they would have lost hope long ago of finding Shawn alive if they weren’t sure that he would use his entire month. </p><p>The first thing they notice is the syringe. “Drugs.” Hotch said cooly. “That’s never good.” </p><p>“Three,” Morgan commented, “He said that he created them himself? Anyone ever hear of drugs that do those things?” </p><p>“Gus would know,” Juliet piped up. “If they are real or not.”</p><p>Hotch looked at the Chief, who nodded, “Call him and ask him to come in,” She said.  </p><p>This time instead of parts being sped up, certain parts were edited to be in slow motion. “Hotch, he looked at the camera,” Reid said, stopping the video. “Look, right in the middle, he is in the middle of…” He trailed off and looked at Carlton. </p><p>“The middle of what?” Carlton said with ice in his voice. </p><p>“Doesn’t matter.” Reid said quickly. He turned it back on. Once again, the voice carried through the speakers. Modulated differently this time. Telling Shawn how much he wanted to play with him, how he wanted to hurt him, how Shawn drove him to hurting him. A few minutes past then the kidnapper said he would punish him if he didn’t keep his seed safe. </p><p>“It must go to the next day now.” Reid said. </p><p>Carlton stood stoically, staring unseeingly at the map as the computerised voice told his husband how he disobeyed and needed punishment. How he was now going to meet his friends. It was taking everything he had for Carlton to contain his anger. </p><p>“Oh my god!” JJ remarked in disgust, standing behind Reid. “Oh my god!” </p><p>Carlton couldn’t stand it anymore, he came behind Reid and looked over at the video. He saw a naked figure hunched over with his head down and his legs splayed, his arms were pulled up above and behind him. There was a black cloth bag over his head, but the same metal shackles and collar as the day before identified the figure to those who had seen the previous video. </p><p>Carlton, of course, knew the sight of his husband. The angle of the camcorder was from a downward angle, so they could see Shawn clearly, but not much else. Light flooded the small space and an erection came into view. The man behind forced his way into the exposed hole quickly and shoved one hand on Shawn’s head, pushing it downwards. “Shawn!” Carlton said, tears in his eyes, “Why can’t he move, speak, scream, anything?”</p><p>“The concoction of drugs he was given. If he is telling the truth, one of them immobilizes all the muscles in his body.” Morgan said, trying to be detached and clinical, but at the same time greatly effected by the men coming in to rape the consultant one (or two) by one on the video.</p><p>Gus opened the door to the conference room as Juliet put her hand on Carlton’s arm and let him away from the screen, his eyes unable to stop watching his husband being brutalized by others. </p><p>“So, what are these drugs you are asking about?” Gus asked, pulling out his giant medicine dictionary that he brought with him for good measure.</p><p>“We only know the effects,” Hotch said, “The unsub described them as he administered them. He said that he created them himself, but I just wanted to check.” </p><p>Gus paled slightly. “You mean, these have been given to Shawn?” He asked. Everyone nodded, a pained look in their eyes. Carlton couldn’t meet his gaze. “Pill, capsule, intravenous?” he asked, business like again. </p><p>“Intravenous,” Morgan said, “All three.” </p><p>“He said that one of them makes the nerves hypersensitive, one of them immobilizes the muscles, but leaves the nerves able to feel everything, and the last one…” Prentiss started, faltering at the last description. </p><p>“‘Makes it feel like there is fire in your veins.” Rossi finished for her. </p><p>“Well, I have definitely never heard of anything that would result in the last one, or the first one, possibly the second.” Gus looked slightly ill at the thought, “But I only know about drugs that are FDA approved and available to be sold on the market. To Doctors. There is probably stuff out there that could do similar things on the black market, I don’t know. I’m really sorry I can’t help you more.”</p><p>“That was extremely useful information, actually.” Hotch replied</p><p>“But I didn’t tell you anything.” Gus said, confused.</p><p>“You revealed quite a bit,” JJ explained. “What we don’t know is often just as important as what we do. Now we know that the drugs he is using aren’t FDA approved, so to get them, he either has to be affiliated with the black market, ie. the dark web, or have an advanced chemical engineering background, and understand how these things work when it comes to the human body, so possibly an understanding or background in pharmaceutical research or medical research.” </p><p>“Oh, ok.” Gus considered this. “Interesting, I think I understand.”</p><p>“It would make sense as to why he is targeting terminal patients,” Juliet said, “If he is a medical researcher.”</p><p>“Only if he is actually trying to cure them or study them so that he could more accurately find ways to cure something.” Reid countered. “And then his focus would be much narrower.It wouldn’t just be any terminal patient, it would be patients with ALS or Mesothelioma.”</p><p>“Good point.” Juliet said, thinking. “So why the drugs?”</p><p>“Submission, torture.” Morgan said simply. “Easier than tying someone up, less risk of them running away.”</p><p>“We are going to wash you up and let you sleep all nice and cozy tonight, because I think you deserve it.” The modulated voice ran out from the computer. “You deserve everything I do to you Shawn. Do you hear me?” It had started friendly and ended dripping in anger. Insults suddenly cracked through the silence. Fucking whore, slut, disgusting fag, queer, useless, die, bitch, die, whore, die, scum, fag, slut, die, die, die,The world will be better without you in it. Greasy wench, loser, ugly, faggot, twink, nobody loves you, queer, harlot, bitch, homo, fairy, stupid, useless, shit head, queer, faggot, queer, die, bitch, die! </p><p>“Those insults don’t necessarily sound like they are directed at Shawn.” Morgan said after a moment. </p><p>“Substitute?” Prentiss asked. </p><p>“Homophobe still in the closet?” JJ questioned</p><p>“Which of the victims did he rape?” Morgan looked at the board. “Was it all of them?”</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Rossi joined him at the board. </p><p>“Oh, well... that may change some things,” Morgan said slowly. </p><p>“What did you find Agent Morgan?” Chief Vick asked. </p><p>“Except for Blake Donnelly, he raped all the men, but only the men.” Morgan replied. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry about all the whump in this chapter guys! i actually rewrote half of it and toned it down a lot. if you can believe that...  </p><p>I will try to get more up soon, but i am in the middle of writing 7 fics at the moment, and just started two more. (If anyone enjoys primeval, I've done a bunch of CM/Primeval. if you haven't seen primeval, go watch it because it's brilliant. and on HULU.)</p><p>ANYWAY</p><p>thanks for sticking with me this far everyone. Shawn will be rescued soon, I promise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Clever Clues</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>New leads, we learn disturbing stuff about our Unsub, the team grows closer</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW, Discussion of past rapes, long time serial murder, and necrophilia.</p><p>honestly, if you have gotten this far, its not that bad</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next week proceeded much like the previous one. Shawn was drugged in some variation - occasionally it was only the paralytic, other times it was all three, sometimes he doubled on the nerve sensitizing agent, and leave off the one that burned through his veins. He was manhandled, tortured, and often raped. Occasionally he was brought back up to the outhouse to be left for whoever came across him, other times he would be left alone. Water became part of his torture after a while. Using the water pressure to injure, cold water to freeze, or even in junction with electricity to amplify. Sometimes he would be left alone bleeding from multiple open wounds with the shower head gently raining frigid water down on him, sometimes he was just left there. In the dark. </p><p>It had been two days since Sean’s last visit when the door opened and Sean walked down the stairs carrying a tall wooden stand with him. The stand comprised of a large flange that kept the tall middle upright. The center piece looked as though it was missing something it was about four feet tall, about six centimeters in diameter at the top running consistently down about two feet before, tapering quickly to a sturdy 3 for the last two feet at the bottom. It was the kind of stand you put something life size on. Sean injected the usual paralytic agent and released Shawn from all his chains for the first time since he got there. </p><p>“We are going to have a bit of a chat, Shawny.” Sean said cheerfully. He lifted the table so Shawn was sitting up. “We have had some fun together, haven’t we? But, the month is quickly running out, and soon I will be off to my next adventure.” He grinned. “Don’t worry Shawny, I won’t leave you behind. You are too perfect, too beautiful to be forgotten. I would never forget you. Not throughout your raveging illness, not when you grew too weak to speak, or eat. And I won’t forget you when you die. You will become my doll, finally.” he gestured to the pole next to him. “You will go on that.” He said smugly. “It even has your name on it.” </p><p>At the base of the stand it read, Shawn Spencer, 1978-2013  Sean chuckled. “I am so excited to try and fit this into you!” he said with relish. “One day soon this will fill you, and when I am done, you will be dead, and mine.” he laughed maniacally. “But it is still too soon, my pet, we have one more week to go before you get stuffed and put with the others.” If Shawn’s eyes could widen and he could scream at what he saw, he would have. He saw so many skeletons he couldn’t count them all, ten of them were in different stages of decomposition, from recently deceased to nearly completely decomposed, the rest were nothing but skeletons, all with a pole stuck through them to the throat. They hung there, like trophies. </p><p>He had to get a message to the team. He forced his fingers to move. If he could relay five words, he may just get the team enough information that could catch this guy. He wasn’t sure if it would save his life, but at least the guy wouldn’t kill anyone else. He used his first and second fingers to tap. </p><p>Taaap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap </p><p>Tap taaap tap<br/>
Tap<br/>
Tap tap tap<br/>
Taaap</p><p> </p><p>Taaap tap taaap <br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Tap tap tap</p><p>Taaap tap tap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap<br/>
Taaap tap tap<br/>
Tap tap<br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap tap tap</p><p><br/>
 </p><p>Tap tap tap<br/>
Tap tap taaap <br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap <br/>
Tap taaap tap<br/>
Taaap </p><p>Then he repeated the message</p><p>Taaap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap </p><p>Tap taaap tap<br/>
Tap<br/>
Tap tap tap<br/>
Taaap</p><p> </p><p>Taaap tap taaap <br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Tap tap tap</p><p>Taaap tap tap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap<br/>
Taaap tap tap<br/>
Tap tap<br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap tap tap</p><p><br/>
 </p><p>Tap tap tap<br/>
Tap tap taaap <br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap <br/>
Tap taaap tap<br/>
Taaap </p><p>Then once more</p><p>Taaap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap </p><p>Tap taaap tap<br/>
Tap<br/>
Tap tap tap<br/>
Taaap</p><p> </p><p>Taaap tap taaap <br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Tap tap tap</p><p>Taaap tap tap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap<br/>
Taaap tap tap<br/>
Tap tap<br/>
Tap <br/>
Tap tap tap</p><p><br/>
 </p><p>Tap tap tap<br/>
Tap tap taaap <br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Tap taaap taaap tap<br/>
Taaap taaap taaap <br/>
Tap taaap tap<br/>
Taaap </p><p><br/>
He knew Sean sent the team videos of their torture, and he didn’t know when the next video would be, but, he at the very least hoped this message would be figured out. </p><p>Sean was fawning over his previous conquests while Shawn barely tapped on the table. Sean came over then and Shawn stopped, having repeated the message a third time. Sean stared at him fondly. “Oh Shawn, we are going to have such fun when you are one of my dolls.” He said with relish. “In the meantime, how shall we play today?” Sean asked, smiling. </p><p>The rest of the day was spent with knives, freezing water, electricity, and more drugs. Sean didn’t believe in the carrot. He only gave the stick, and he used that stick to whip Shawn raw. </p>
<hr/><hr/><p>The next day another video was emailed to Prentiss’s private email account. She was watching, trying to stay professional while watching the disturbing scenes play out in front of her when she noticed something. “Garcia!” She said into the conference phone, where the tech analyst was already listening in. “What is he doing with his fingers, right there. Can you slow down the video and zoom in?” </p><p>“Looks like morse code.” Reid said, watching over Prentiss’s shoulder. “He is trying to send us a message.”</p><p>“Can you translate it?” Hotch asked sharply, rejuvenated by this piece of information. Carlton had sat up straighter, his head whipped around. </p><p>“There’s a message?” He asked sharply.</p><p>“Looks like Shawn was able to fight the paralytic enough to send us a message through morse code.” Hotch confirmed. </p><p>“No rest, keeps bodies, support” Reid translated, as he watched the tape. “That’s all he says, he says it three times.”</p><p>“What does he mean?” JJ asked, confused. “No rest?” </p><p>“We have been operating under the assumption that he has only hit these four cities and he rests for five years in between.” Rossi contemplated aloud. “What if he doesn’t, if he is killing the whole time but doesn’t dump the bodies, then they would just be reported as missing persons cases. We wouldn’t have classified them with this unsub because of the rest period.”</p><p>“And they were classified as kidnappings, not murders.” Morgan added. “Baby girl, can you do a search through the missing person’s database for victims that fit our profile?” He asked. </p><p>“Sure, give me a minute.” They heard her typing. “Ok, that’s a lot…” She said after a minute. “They are from all over the country, could all these be him?” She asked. </p><p>“How many Garcia?” Hotch asked. </p><p>“At least 250, sir” She replied </p><p>“That’s at least one a month for the past 20 years.” Reid said quietly</p><p>Juliet put a hand to her mouth in horror. </p><p>“What did Shawn’s last word mean,” Chief Vick asked. “Support?” </p><p>Carlton stood quickly. “A few days before he was kidnapped, the day he had his tests, I found Shawn at a support group for people who were terminally ill. He got there on his motorcycle, but needed me to drive him home. We kissed outside the meeting. Later I chastised him for going because we aren’t sure of his prognosis yet.”</p><p>“Have you heard anything?” Juliet asked quietly? </p><p>“The doctor needs to run a few more tests” Carlton said, casting his eyes to the ground. “I had to tell her that we couldn’t come in because Shawn was missing.” </p><p>There was an awkward pause. </p><p>“So, Shawn’s message, the unsub is locating them at Support groups?” Morgan asked.</p><p>“It seems so, but how do we catch him?” JJ asked, “We can’t plan a sting, he isn’t looking for a victim while he has Shawn.”</p><p>“We need to figure out who he is.” Hotch replied. </p><p>“Well, this gives us more to go on.” Rossi said. “Reid, can you start plotting the kidnapping victims?</p><p>“We should look at where and when his last victim was taken and see where he came from,” Morgan said, “Then we can look into recent transfers from that area to here, or moving truck rentals.” </p><p>“Good idea Morgan,” Hotch said, “You and Garcia get on that. JJ, you and Prentiss talk to the family of the last kidnapping victim. Dave, you help Reid. We need to speed things up.” He looked at the SBPD detectives. “Find somewhere to help out if you want.” He said, as his team dispersed. </p><p>It was barely twenty minutes later that Garcia called back. “Bossman,” She said urgently, “I think I have something,” </p><p>“What is it Garcia,” He asked</p><p>“I noticed in several cases one of our missing persons using a credit card from somewhere between a few days to a few weeks after their reported disappearance. So I cross referenced this anomaly with the other missing persons on our list, and each one of them has some form of their identity used after they are reported missing. Normally, this would be a clue into finding them, but then all the transactions stop within a month.” She explained</p><p>“So he takes a victim, while he is using someone else’s identity, once he has killed that person, he uses that person’s identity until he finds another and continues the cycle.” Hotch mused aloud. “Who is the last missing person?” He asked</p><p>“Eva Mendez” Garcia said, “She disappeared from Phoenix, AZ, last month, she was terminally ill with leukemia.” </p><p>“Look around for any places that have been using that vics name,” Hotch requested. </p><p>“Aaron,” Rossi began, “This guy couldn’t be carrying 250 corpses around with him all the time, he must be finding a way to dispose of them slowly in a way that is impossible to trace.”</p><p>“Like burning them,” Hotch finished the thought, “Not many ovens get that hot though.” </p><p>“He wouldn’t have to find one everywhere he went, he could burn two or three skeletons at a time to make room for the next few.” Rossi reasoned. “I just think it’s impractical and nearly impossible for someone to have a growing collection of bodies that large if they were always on the move.” </p><p>“Unless he has a home base somewhere.” Morgan put in. </p><p>“He does,” Reid said, finally stepping away from a large map of the united states. “I didn’t know how to do this, so stick with me, I changed colour between each ‘Cycle’ where he reappeared on our radar, I numbered each starting from the beginning of the cycle, to the start of the next cycle. If we are correct, there will be 60 victims between cycles. You will notice a pattern.” They looked, it was there all right. They saw giant v like shapes dipping into a single state in the south before flourishing outwards towards another location. </p><p><br/>
“Alabama?” Lassiter asked. Juliet looked questioningly at the map as well.</p><p>“Well, it makes some sort of sense, if you think about it.” Rossi said, “So much of the state is rural that they won’t notice a large barn or something else that takes up a large plot of space. And since neighbors don’t really exist, no one will question him being gone so often. He may have a wife or family member who takes care of the land while he is away. Although there is probably little chance they know of his exploits.” </p><p>“I always thought cities were the most likely place to find serial killers,” Juliet pondered aloud. </p><p>“That’s true,” Reid said, “however this unsub wouldn’t really fit into either category. He would be considered a traveling killer.” </p><p>“So the maximum number of bodies he could reasonably have on him at one time would be about 60,” Hotch concluded. “He would probably be able to fit that in a shipping container.”</p><p>“At least.” Morgan reasoned. “We will keep looking.”</p><p>“It feels like we are getting somewhere.” </p><p>“Sir, hate to break up the party, but you are going to want to see this,” Garcia said hesitantly. “I think the unsub knows we are closing in. He just put up a message on a site.”</p><p>“Dark web?” Hotch asked</p><p>“Adjacent.” Garcia confirmed. “Ever since that pedophelia case we had with Agent Cole, I have been keeping tabs on sites connected to it or similar. I found a doll collectors website where someone talks about having playtime with a doll they recently acquired. They posted this last week, then they post the same thing twice more. Do Not Take, Play Nice, Share.”</p><p>Carlton felt sick, Shawn was being used by others. It was horrible. He needed to get his love out of there. </p><p>“Do they have a location, Garcia?” Hotch asked.</p><p>“No, Sir, you don’t understand,” Garcia said quickly. “He just posted something again, in the last half hour. I think he is running.” </p><p>“What does it say?” Carlton asked, his heart in his throat. </p><p>“Finders Keepers” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i dont usually end my chapters with giant cliffies like this, but i just couldn't resist. sorry...</p><p> </p><p>also, sorry it the next chapter takes a few days, I'm struggling a bit with writers block</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The mind is a dangerous place</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shawn is saved, but still far from out of the woods</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi Guys, </p><p>So sorry its been so long, I have had a really bad case of writer's block, it took me a while to finish this chapter. but it turned out to be a long one, so trade off. </p><p>TW, Trauma Recovery, Rape Recovery, hallucinations, Injuries, choking, double penetration rape (For like, a sec, then he is rescued) Restraint, discussion of injuries. Disassociation (I think that's everything)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was floating. Shawn felt gentle and familiar hands wrap him in a secure bundle of warmth that he never wanted to leave. For the first time in weeks, he felt safe. It was almost as though Sean had never captured him. A soft caress made him nearly purr in satisfaction. Wrapped in his blanket of tranquility Shawn opened his eyes and found himself in a familiar place. </p><p>Perfect emerald green grass stretched over the hilltop, stopping at the picturesque river. Golden rays of sunshine hit the cool clear water as it flowed over the small waterfall into the river below. Stout Oaks and ancient Redwoods, richly coloured cherry trees and heavily laden Apple Trees, towering Evergreens and spindly Yew trees, combined to make a forest that lined the riverbed on one side, that was both odd in composition and beautiful to look at. Bushes of all shapes and sizes were nestled along the incline to the waterfall. An adorable log bridge lay a quarter mile from the deepest part of the river which was crystal clear up close but glistened a turquoise blue from a distance. On the opposite side of the river from the forest lay a small blanket on the grass with a picnic basket, wine, cheese, meats, pineapple, numerous books, and best of all, Lassie. </p><p>This was his place. His Clearing. A place created by him long ago that he kept adding to as time went on. He had spent many hours there during his confinement the past few weeks, talking to Lassie, sometimes Gus and Jules were there, once the Chief and her husband, and Buzz and Francie, Gus and Jules, and even his dad and mom came and they all had a barbeque. Because in his spot, no one was restricted by distance or work. Nothing else mattered. But today all he needed was his Lassie. </p><p>He never knew what to expect when he entered his Clearing. He never knew who would be there, what would be there, or even what time of year it would be. Sometimes he was alone with a pile of books, once there was a small cottage, it was winter, and it was snowing and the river had frozen over. He liked not knowing, because whatever his Clearing gave him seemed to be exactly what he needed at that moment, even if he didn’t consciously know what it was. </p><p>His mom said it was a dissociation technique and it wasn’t healthy, but if it meant he didn’t have to be aware of what was happening to him while he was being raped repeatedly over the course of weeks, he would take the not knowing. He experienced enough of the imprisonment and tourture Sean inflicted on him not to want to have to be present for all of it. </p><p>He cuddled up cozily on the blanket next to his husband and leaned in for a kiss. Which the other man provided without hesitation. They sat there and had their picnic in the warm afternoon sun while it was forever at that perfect point in the afternoon sky. Hours later they got up to swim in the river, running up the hill to jump off the waterfall, enjoying the frivolity and lazy fun of the day. Shawn pushed Carlton off the waterfall and dived in after him, never touching the twelve foot deep bottom of the small lake. Once Carlton pulled Shawn into the water with him, holding him tight as the younger man tried to get away. There were no problems in The Clearing, no one was ever mad, injured, sick, or sad. His father was proud of him in His Clearing, there was no such thing as time there. He wasn’t being held captive, he wasn’t terminally ill, had never been raped. Everything was better in The Clearing. </p><p>But as always, time in The Clearing came to an end. He would never know how long had passed, but at some point, the sun would go down (or come up), and his limbs would start to feel heavy again. He wouldn’t be able to run or swim or make love the same way as even minutes before. Words would get caught in his throat, and his eyes would grow heavy. </p><p>Today, it happened after what seemed to be days lying around, flirting, sleeping, playing, eating with the only other person in the universe who mattered. They were in each other’s arms when the sun set and suddenly it felt like there was something squeezing him from within. He tried to gasp for breath but he could breathe ok, air was flowing easily through his body. He grasped at his chest but his movements felt sluggish and his limbs heavy. His Clearing disappeared and all he could see was the red of closed eyelids in a bright room. </p><p>No! He wasn’t ready to go back to that basement hellhole yet. He wanted his Lassie, where was his Lassie?!</p><p>He wanted to call out, but didn’t want to risk the pain talking always caused. He was already in so much. Silently he tried to assess his body, and as he did so, panic started to fill every fiber of his being. Agony coursed through his body from head to toe. He felt as if he was wrapped in cotton that was filled with needles. His limbs felt heavy and awkward. He couldn’t move. What was going on? Multiple beeps started picking up in pace and alarms went off. Something was gripping his chest and squeezing his throat. He felt as if an iron rod had replaced his spine, and it was on fire. There were drummers somewhere that he really wished would stop, and it felt like someone was slowly peeling off his skin.</p><p>“Shawn? Shawn!” A familiar voice called his name. “Open your eyes, please, come on baby, I know you’re awake, calm down, open your eyes, it's me. We are in the hospital. We rescued you a week ago. Come on, you can move, there are none of his drugs in your system anymore. Wake up please. Shawn?” a warm weight squeezed his hand. He knew that hand.</p><p>Sean hated it when he moved on his own. No, he couldn’t risk it. Sean could be goading him so he could carry out more punishments. He didn’t want to be sent to the outhouse again. Sean’s playtime was bad enough. Yet, for some reason, being lent out was always worse. Each person had a different cruel trick to try, or way they needed to be satisfied. As the weeks went on, more people came to each session, and they kept getting more sadistic. Sean never seemed to care. In fact, the worse Shawn looked after 6 or 12, or once even a full 24 hours left in the outhouse, the happier Sean seemed to be. Shawn hated being used by others. He wouldn’t move.  </p><p>“Don’t panic, you are hooked up to a ventilator. Let me get a nurse.” Carlton withdrew his hand. Part of Shawn tried to find it again. He forced his eyelids open as Carlton walked back through the door with a nurse mere moments later. He heard footsteps close by his head and something cold rushed through his veins. </p><p>“This should help with the pain,” a kind female voice he didn’t recognise told him as he felt himself drifting off again. The pain seemed to disappear under a fluffy plush blanket, and his entire body felt light as a feather as he fell once more into unconsciousness. </p>
<hr/><p>He was back in the basement, fire was shooting through his veins as a cruel voice laughed calling him a doll. He felt hands run over his torso and along his constricted lower half and he tried to squirm away, but it was as though something was holding him in place. His movements were heavy and slow. Laughing filled his ears again as he tried to get away from the unpleasant sensation roaming over his body. A whimper forced its way out and he flinched, expecting the violent shock of electricity to run through his body, but it never came. A warm hand cupped his face with a tenderness he had long since forgotten. He was sure it was a trick. Lassie couldn’t be here. Please don’t let Lassie be here! It was one thing for him. He deserved it. Lassie was too good, too pure, too gentle. Not a shameless slut like himself. After all those men using him like a sex doll, Sean manipulating him any way he wanted. He was so dirty. He knew Carlton wouldn’t want him anymore. He wouldn’t be surprised if they gave up on finding him, left him there, abandoned him to the madman who had taken and destroyed him. He was thoroughly broken, shattered, diseased. And then there was something else he felt like he was forgetting. A doctor’s appointment. An illness. He never got his diagnosis before he was kidnapped. It must have been a sign. A confirmation that his death was near. Carlton didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to watch Shawn die if he ever found him. It was cruel. He should spare the detective the pain. <em>It would be better if I just die out of the way down here, out of sight, out of the way. It would be better for Lassie.</em> He thought sadly. </p><p>“Don’t you dare start giving up now” A gruff voice said, and he felt the warmth around his hand grip it firmly as a beeping near him started to slow to a dangerously languid speed. “Shawn, everything is going to be ok now. Look at me,” </p><p>Shawn shook his head. It’s a trick. He thought to himself, Sean is playing that trick on me again. pretending someone rescues me is always his cruelest punishments. He opened soulless eyes to see the concerned face of Carlton Lassiter watching him.<em> If only that were true.</em> He thought, closing off the vivid hallucination in front of him.  </p><p>The voice which came from where the hallucination of his husband started talking again, desperately, “No, Shawn, love, just open your eyes again, I’m right here, I’m real. Listen to me.” Another hand wrapped around the first. Two hands now gripped a single one of his as a man pleaded by his side. </p><p>“Has he woken up yet?” A soft female voice asked from by his feet. </p><p>“I think he is half awake but trapped in his memories.” The Carlton hallucination said. He loved that voice, that vision. It calmed him, it loved him. He was one of the people he turned to in his head. </p><p>“He woke up earlier though, right?” the soothing female voice said</p><p>“For a few minutes,” He knew those voices. Was he really safe? He couldn’t be sure. It felt like it was too good to be true. For some reason it was getting hard to breathe. It was as though his mind and heart were telling him two different things. His mind had been conditioned to obey Sean’s will, but there was the smallest sliver of hope within his heart that was trying to convince him that the voices were real. </p><p><em>If the voices are real, Lassie and Jules are stuck with me in this dank basement too</em>. He thought to himself. <em>God, I hope I am imagining them again.</em></p><p>“Carlton?” The Jules voice seemed concerned. “What do you think he is thinking about? He looks so worried.” </p><p>“Shawn,” It was the Lassie voice now, “Shawn, please, baby, wake up.” He felt a kiss on his jawline. He flinched. <em>No!</em>  Shawn hated more than anything when those people kissed him. <em>Only Carlton can kiss me</em>! He felt miserable at the thought. <em>He’s going to hate me anyway because of  how used I am. The least I can do is make sure none of the men kiss me too...</em> He heard something like a door open. He turned away from the Lassie Hallucination and opened his eyes to see a highly realistic Juliet O’Hara looking over him, then meeting his eyes. </p><p>“He’s awake!” She gasped. “Shawn! We’ve been so worried.” His memory was playing tricks on him. His memory and Sean. He closed his eyes ruefully and shook his head slowly. <em>Remember, none of this is real, it’s not real, it’s not real, Jules isn’t here, Lassie isn’t here, Gus and Dad haven’t even bothered to make an appearance as a hallucination. Figures. </em></p><p>“Has he woken up yet?” A vaguely familiar voice asked</p><p>“Why is there such an intense look of shame on his face? I know that look. Rape victims have that look” the Lassie voice seemed angry. He hated it when Lassie was angry. <em>I’m</em> <em>sorry</em>, he thought, the thoughts once more heavy in his mind. <em>I’m sorry, I’m sorry…</em> He kept whispering the words in his head as the Juliet voice soothed him. </p><p>“What do you know about what happened to him?” The Lassie Hallucination seemed to be confronting someone. This didn’t happen in his dreams. Lassie was never an angry Lassie when he came to Shawn in the basement. They were always in his Clearing, or he was pretending Shawn had been rescued. Making him feel loved, being gentle, tenderly entering him as he lay unmoving. Lassie in the basement always fucked him at some point. That Lassie always ended up being Sean, he just preferred to think it was the handsome detective who was his husband on top of him than a violent psychopath. This Lassie didn’t seem to be interested in doing anything but holding his hand or running his hand through Shawn’s hair. And apparently fighting with someone. “Hotchner! What was on those videos?” </p><p>There was a long sigh. <em>NO!</em> Shawn thought.  He could feel himself starting to wake up. Eyes snapping open he turned them on those in the room he frantically and silently shook his head, panicking as he did so. He turned and took in his husband’s face more thoroughly, haggard from lack of sleep, bent over him. He reached up a heavy hand and slowly put it on his cheek, tracing the strong jawline, then his hand fell to the man's shoulder shoulder. With effort he put his hand back in Carlton's and he wrote four letters in the detective’s palm.<strong> R,E,A,L</strong>,?</p><p>The thin face broke into a gentle smile. “I’m real, I’m here, you’re ok.” Shawn’s hand fell heavily back to the bed as he closed his eyes again. He heard a whirring sound and felt the bed lift to a gentle angle. When he next opened his eyes a moment later the light was on and Juliet was on his other side and Agent Hotchner was at the foot of the bed with Agent Prentiss. </p><p>“You’ve been asleep for quite some time.” Prentiss remarked. “Thanks for the clue about the killings, it will be a big help in eventually tracking him down.”</p><p>“When did you learn morse code?” Juliet asked </p><p>“It was what was used for the window pane clues,” said Dr Reid entered the room. </p><p>Shawn shrugged, he looked around for something he couldn’t locate, finally signing, <em><strong>Textbook, Middle school</strong></em>. Juliet looked inquisitive at Carlton, who seemed to understand the language. So did Reid. <em><strong>Saw a chart once</strong></em></p><p>Reid nodded, translating the ASL out loud then replying, “Eidetic memory. I have that too.”</p><p>Juliet seemed confused. “So, you aren’t psychic?”</p><p><em><strong>I see what others don’t</strong></em>, Shawn answered. </p><p>“That’s not just an eidetic memory though is it?” Hotch asked. </p><p>Shawn was too tired to explain. Moving his limbs to sign after so long being still was challenging. <em><strong>Total recall plus Henry. Lassie can...</strong></em>, His eyes drooped and he fell into a restless sleep again. </p><p>Reid translated again and four pairs of eyes fell on Lassiter. “Why do you know?” Juliet asked. </p><p>“It started with the Dr Richard’s case. You now, the Doctor who was poisoning his patients. Shawn was one of them. When he got his appendix out apparently he came to see Shawn in the hospital and told him he had a type of terminal nerve cancer that left him only 6 months or so to live. He didn’t want to tell anyone, but it started affecting things like his balance and was going to affect his memory. So he confided in me the way he does his Psychic thing, Which is actually highly impressive. He had decided he wanted to take his secret to the grave. At the time he told me we weren’t involved.” He explained, turning to the BAU agents for a quick side note. “We started going out a few weeks after he told me, since we started spending so much time together. It just sort of… happened. Of course, we later learned that he wasn’t really sick, and he was being poisoned by Dr Richards, and he got better.”</p><p>“After Richards beat him up and shot him.” Juliet mumbled.</p><p>“Yeah, after that.” Carlton agreed. </p><p>“Wait,” Spencer stopped him, “So Shawn gets falsely diagnosed with terminal cancer, gets better, then actually gets cancer?”</p><p>Carlton cringed. “Well, we hope it’s not cancer, or terminal, but yeah.”</p><p>“Wow,” Spencer said, mystified. “The odds of that are -.”</p><p>“So how does the eidetic memory tie into the psychic thing, and who is Henry?” Emily asked, cutting Reid off before he could go off on a statistical ramble. </p><p>“Henry is his father, you met him. Good cop in his day. Terrible parent.” Carlton glanced around nervously. “He loves Shawn in his way, but he is always telling him how he is not good enough, will never measure up to his expectations, wasn’t fulfilling his potential, asking why couldn’t he be a cop, calling him useless. Etc. But he also, from about 7, Shawn was telling me, started training him to be a cop. Using his memory to see and notice everything around him, make connections, see what others missed, profile people instantly, escape from car trunks, find his way out of a forest.” </p><p>“HIs dad taught him how to escape from a car trunk?” Hotch asked, “How?”</p><p>“By locking him in his trunk, supposedly.” Carlton looked sadly at Shawn’s sleeping form. “Same with finding his way out of a forest. Led him into one and just left him there. When he played hide and seek with his friend Henry would teach him how to do it on the balls of his feet, be silent, and win. He didn’t allow Shawn to skip grades, even though school was far too easy for him, he got a 100% on the detective’s exam at age 15. Learned to shoot at 12.”</p><p>“If my childhood was that strict I would have run away,” Prentiss remarked</p><p>“You did run away,” Spencer said</p><p>“So did Shawn.” Carlton confirmed. “He and Henry had a huge falling out when he was 18, he bought a motorcycle and left. I heard a lot of this from Gus” He said to Juliet “Shawn doesn’t like talking about his childhood. </p><p>“Don’t imagine why.” Reid muttered. </p><p>Prentiss looked thoughtful, “Why was he pretending to be Psychic? Couldn't he have just been a private eye if he wanted to help?” She asked finally.</p><p>Lassiter looked uncomfortable. “Well, apparently I started it.” He said. “He called in a tip and I nearly arrested him for it. When we asked how he got his information, he said he read it off the manager’s face on TV, I didn’t believe him. I thought he had to have inside information, had to be lying. That’s when my partner at the time, before detective O’Hara, told him to give us an explanation, any explanation.” </p><p>Juliet snorted. “He gave ‘psychic’? Really? That is so… Shawn.” </p><p>“But he really does see everything in seconds.” Carlton said. “If you remember the Richard’s case, the second victim was stabbed with a knife.”</p><p>“You tried to arrest Shawn for something and locked him in the car. Almost as soon as he stepped into the house.” Juliet said. </p><p>“That’s what we said.” Lassiter acknowledged. “Really what happened was, he lost feeling in his leg and collapsed, I caught him and he told me to shove him up against the car to make it seem like he was just getting in the way. As usual. Which I did. He gave me the tip that I would find blood in that drawer.”</p><p>“Wait, He told you about that?” Juliet looked astonished, “No wonder we all thought he was psychic. I didn’t even see him look that way. He was on the scene for less than 30 seconds.”</p><p>“I know.” Carlton admitted. “He probably gave it a glance over when I hauled him out of there.” </p><p>“And he saw it then?” She asked, bemused, “It was on the underside of a closed drawer. That tip pointed us directly to the murder weapon.” </p><p>“Yeah…” Lassiter chuckled. “Honestly, what he can really do is far more impressive than any psychic crap he claims.” </p><p>“I was wondering why you suddenly liked him so much.” Juliet smirked</p><p>Carlton smiled softly to his sleeping husband and ran a hand through his unkempt hair. “I gained much more respect for him after that.”</p><p>“And you finally noticed his respect and admiration for you?” she asked</p><p>“Something like that.” Then he turned hard eyes on the three BAU agents, who were quietly looking on. “He said something about being ‘used’ by ‘men’ in his sleep. On a single man, but multiple. What aren’t you telling me?” He asked again.</p><p>“I don’t know if that’s for us to say.” Hotch said cautiously. “He will tell you on his terms.” </p><p>Prentiss glanced at the three of them, Juliet on one side, Shawn in the middle and Lassiter on the other. “You were there the entire time we were searching for him. You saw how he looked when we found him, forced those men off of him. You are more than aware of the chains we pulled off him. The shackles, the collars. Do you really need something else to feel mad about? He is already going to be in physical recovery for quite some time. Help him through that before  really trying to tackle his mental health. His and yours. You have enough to deal with.” </p><p>“He woke up?!” A frantic figure rushed into the room. “I thought I told you to call me when he woke up!”</p><p>“Gus, calm down,” Juliet said, tugging the man into a chair next to her. “He was only awake for like five minutes. He will wake up again.” </p><p>“But I wanted to be the first-” He stopped short, looking at Lassiter who glared at him, “Second person he saw when he woke up!” He whined. “It’s been a month, Jules!” He put his head in his hands. “An entire month since we have talked and had smoothies and tacos, watched the Breakfast Club and made Heathers references. I know I am a jackal, but this jackal needs his Rabbit.”</p><p>“Don’t jackals eat rabbits?” Hotch asked. </p><p>“Dont ruin my metaphor Agent Hotchner.” Gus said petulantly. “He is the Black to my Tan, he is the Brad Pitt to my Morgan Freeman.”</p><p>“Does that make Carlton Gwenyth Paltrow?” Juliet asked, amused.</p><p>“I think I am missing something.” Reid said slowly. </p><p>“He is the Keanu Reeves to my Alex Winter, the Elijah Woods to my Sean Astin, the Tom Cruise to my Anthony Edwards!”</p><p>“His Harrison Ford to your Peter Mayhew?” Carlton smirked</p><p>“If you think calling me Chewbacca is an insult, you are wrong.” Gus said smugly. “I am totally Chewbacca, He is loyal, fearless, follows Han into battle, and will rip your arms off if you cross him.” </p><p>“Well, that’s not you,” smirked Juliet. “Apart from following Shawn everywhere, you don’t share many qualities.” </p><p>“Hey!” Gus looked affronted.  </p><p>“Gus,” Juliet said after a moment. “He’s not talking.” she looked at him apologetically. </p><p>Gus gaped at her. “What do you mean he isn’t talking?! It’s Shawn! Shawn can’t go five minutes without talking!”</p><p>“He signed what he wanted to say when he was awake earlier,” Reid said</p><p>“When did he learn ASL?” Prentiss asked. </p><p>“Shawn is good at remembering stuff,” Gus said with a shrug of his shoulders. “He got bored in class a lot. He knows the runic alphabet and the Cyrillic alphabet also. Sometimes I would join in. but he could just glance through a book and know it, it’s kinda annoying. Not to mention how he downplays his intelligence. Most people think I’m the smart one. He just let’s people think that.”</p><p>“How smart are we talking?” Juliet asked tentatively? </p><p>Gus shrugged again. “No idea, His dad always wanted him to be a cop, so he never encouraged him to push himself to his full intelligence. I think he could have gone on to some amazing things if he wasn’t held back. He just got so bored in school. You have seen him on cases though. He loves the puzzle. I mean. Talking to the spirits…” Gus looked sheepish</p><p>Lassiter rolled his eyes. “I told them Gus, you can stop pretending.” </p><p>“In that case. Yeah, he loves the puzzle of a case. He sees it all. He could probably tell you what you wore on your first date, what the waitress was wearing, what you both ordered, what day it was, how many people in the restaurant were wearing hats, what kind of hats they were and what kind of people they were. Along with whatever else you wanted to know.” Gus rattled off. </p><p>Even Reid looked impressed. “I have an eidetic memory, but I can’t do that.”</p><p>“He can do that for any time or place you ask him for. It’s pretty incredible the amount of detail he is able to recount, the deductions he can make and the leaps he gets, and how fast it all happens. We have a 100% solve rate.” Gus preened. </p><p>“I guess eidetic memories, just like any other memories, can be trained to do different things,” Prentiss mused. “You, Spence, pushed forward at a young age and ended up graduating early and getting three PhDs, Shawn, on the other hand, was trained, against his will, I guess, to be hyper aware of everything around him.” Hotch looked thoughtfully at the pseudo-psychic asleep in the bed.</p><p>“Gus, why don’t you go ask the nurse if you can get Shawn a pineapple smoothie for the next time he wakes up, ok? He’s going to want something pineapple” Carlton said after a pregnant pause. </p><p>“You know that’s right!” Gus exclaimed and suntered off, giving Prentiss a look he reserved for beautiful women.</p><p>Hotch gave a small smile as the salesman took off down the hall. Emily hit Reid as she exclaimed, “Reid! Reid! Did you see! One of the elusive Hotch smiles!” </p><p>“Careful Hotch, one more this month and we will think you may actually be able to have fun,” A fourth BAU member entered the room. </p><p>Hotch sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Must I remind you all that this case has not yet been solved, my personal life will just have to wait.” </p><p>“That was why I came by,” Morgan said, “Garcia may have found a lead on the house he was held in.” </p><p>Carlton and Juliet jumped up. Juliet looked at Lassiter, “Carlton, stay with Shawn, or go home and sleep. You are in no position to go out right now. I will go. And I will ask Karen to come.” </p><p>Lassiter looked down at Shawn who was stirring fitfully in the bed. He took the sleeping man’s hand. “Ok. and Juliet, about Shawn’s psychic ‘gifts’,”</p><p>“They will remain as they always have. ‘He sees things no one else does,’  Karen doesn’t need to know more than that.” Juliet looked at the three agents. Prentiss and Reid looked at Hotch, who considered Shawn in the bed. </p><p>“That’s fine, and if we are in California again, we may just call upon him again.” Hotch said. “Just tell him to stop the cold reads, or at least think about what he says when he gives them.”</p><p>“He wasn’t in the best place before he was captured.” Carlton said apologetically. “He isn’t usually that abrasive.” </p><p>There was a *thwap* of flesh against thinly coated plastic as Shawn tossed violently in the hospital bed. Everyone’s attention was instantly fixed on the sleeping figure whose body became unnaturally rigid. His face was screwed up in pain as his legs began spreading as if of their own volition. His heart rate started speeding up, his breathing becoming shallow and uneven. Machines started beeping. </p><p>“Shawn,” Carlton sat by Shawn’s bedside again, trying to hold one of the rigid hands. Juliet tried to push the thin knees together. “Shawn, relax, you aren’t there anymore. Calm down. Wake up, breathe, breathe, love.” He ran a hand through sweat soaked hair. “Come on, Shawn, you’re ok.” beeping was becoming more rapid, louder.</p><p>A blue scrub clad nurse, a woman in her mid 50s named Nancy hurried into the room. “Oh dear,” She said, worry tinging her voice. “We have to calm him down, this is no good for his heart.”</p><p>“I know, I’m trying,” Carlton said. “He isn’t responding to my verbal directions.” </p><p>“Shawn,” The nurse spoke in a direct and commanding voice. “Wake up now, open your eyes.” </p><p>His eyelids clamped firmly closed. The nurse removed the nasal cannula and replaced it with an oxygen mask. “Shawn,” She said, “I need you to breathe for me. Calm down.” She turned to Lassiter. “How long has he been breathing this rapidly?” </p><p>“One minute and forty three seconds,” Spencer answered from the back of the room. </p><p>“I need the rest of the room to clear out please,” She said quickly. </p><p>Juliet gave Carlton a quick hug. “We are going to go check out the house. I will call you.” Then she retreated with the agents. In the distance Carlton heard her say “Gus, you can’t go in there right now, Carlton will come out and get you when you can return.”</p><p>He silently thanked her for keeping the panicky Guster from making the room more chaotic. Shawn was still in the midst of a nightmare and if he didn’t get his breathing under control soon, he could have another seizure. </p><p>“I am going to have to sedate him.” Nancy looked up at  Lassiter. She pulled a syringe out of her scrubs pocket and uncapped it. Just as she was about to stick the needle in the IV, Shawn started seizing. Nancy pushed a button on the wall as she pushed Carlton out the door.  “Code Blue, Code Blue” rang through the halls and the light above the door to Shawn’s room started to flash. Nurses and a doctor raced in to tend to the seizing patient. The curtain was drawn so Lassiter couldn’t see what they were doing for his husband to get him to breathe. Gus raced up to him as he stood outside the room. </p><p>“What’s going on?” He demanded. </p><p>Carlton didn’t stop pacing in front of the door. “His  heart was beating too fast and he was breathing too quickly. He couldn’t catch his breath. The nurse was about to sedate him when he started to seize.”</p><p>Gus blanched. “Again?” He asked. “How many times is that since he arrived?”</p><p>“He flatlined twice on the table while they were operating, and once more in the 48 hours he was in the ICU. He has coded three times in the week he has been here. Thankfully though, he hasn’t flatlined since he left the ICU.”</p><p>“Let’s hope it stays that way.”</p><p>“He is having a hard time figuring out what is real.” Lassiter said miserably. “It took a half hour earlier to get him to open his eyes because he thought I was some punishment sent by his captor.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Gus seemed sickened by the news. “That is one sick dude.” </p><p>Lassiter ran a hand over his face, scrubbing the exhaustion from it. “I can’t imagine what these past few weeks have been through for him.”</p><p>Gus stood next to his best friend’s husband and patted his shoulder, “Don’t worry Lassie, we will help Shawn through this. Soon enough he will be back to being his usual annoying self.”</p><p>The doctor came out then. “Mr. Spencer?” He asked, coming up to Lassiter. “Family of Shawn Spencer.” </p><p>“Shawn Spencer-Lassiter.” Lassiter corrected. “I’m his husband, Carlton Lassiter.” </p><p>The doctor nodded, “Mr. Lassiter, we got him back, and he will be ok. He flatlined again so we had to use a defibrillator to start it again. It took a minute, but we got his breathing back down to normal, and his heartbeat regular once more. He is under heavy sedation now, it should give him a dreamless rest to give his body time to heal. Shawn should be out for about 24-36 hours. I recommend you go home, take a shower, get some rest, and come back tomorrow.” </p><p>Carlton had dropped into a chair, relieved and filled with anxiety at the same time. “His heart gave out again?” He said quietly</p><p>The doctor was watching him. “Mr. Spencer-Lassiter has gone through a tremendous trauma, Not to mention the fact that he is starved to the point where his organs are close to shutting down. I actually want to talk to you about a nasal feeding tube. Getting IV nutrition isn’t enough anymore, he is dangerously thin and the lack of food could be part of his heart problems. It certainly will slow down his healing process if he isn’t eating correctly. Or enough.” </p><p>“He was having trouble keeping food down before he was captured,” Lassiter said, “We were working on trying to find out why. But it was getting pretty bad. It had been nearly two weeks since he had a real meal before he was captured.”</p><p>“And it’s been four weeks since he was taken, yes?” The doctor asked. “No wonder his heart is so weak. Especially with the amount of rib and lung trauma he still has. Yes, I recommend a feeding tube. It’s non invasive, goes through the nasal passage. He won’t even know it’s there.”</p><p>Lassiter nodded. “Please do, I would recommend some heavy anti-nausea medications also though.” The doctor nodded and walked off. </p><p>“You never told me that Shawn wasn’t eating.” Gus said, accusation heavy in his tone. “Neither did Shawn.”</p><p>Lassiter was slumped down in one of the visitors' chairs. “Do we have to discuss this now?” He asked, “Yes, Shawn hadn’t been feeling well, but I guess I forgot to mention it due to the fact that he had been kidnapped by a psychotic murderer. Sorry.” </p><p>Gus recoiled at Carlton’s tone. “I see your point. I guess I will go get some shut eye. Here is that pineapple smoothie.” He handed Carlton a bright yellow smoothie before turning and leaving the hospital. </p><p>Carlton knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at home that night. Just like he hadn’t been able to sleep at home all the other nights Shawn had been gone. It was some reassurance now that he at least knew where his husband was, but he was constantly on edge, not knowing the state of him. He walked over to the nurses station and found the nurse that tended to Shawn earlier. </p><p>“Nurse Nancy, Right?” He asked, </p><p>“What can I do for you dear?” She asked pleasantly.</p><p>“You were helping my husband, Shawn, the doctor said he is now asleep.” </p><p>“Yes, that’s correct.”</p><p>“I know visiting hours are almost over, but I am not going to be able to sleep anyway without him next to me, if I run home and take a shower and come back, would you mind if I spent the night?”</p><p>“We need to give him his feeding tube anyway, so run along, come back in an hour. Get some food while you are gone.” </p><p>“Thank you,”</p><p>“It’s sweet that you care so much about him. Newlywed?” </p><p>“We have known each other for years before we started to date, like 4 or 5 years. We dated for a year before I proposed, and our engagement was about 8 months. We got married 3 months ago. So, I guess it has been fairly recent. It seems like we have been together longer than we have. He drives me crazy, but I have never met anyone I love more.” </p><p>Nancy beamed. “That’s sweet.” She said again. “Of course, you may stay. But don’t forget to eat something. Don’t do it for me, do it for Shawn. He will need his big strapping husband to help him through his recovery.” </p><p>Carlton chuckled. “Yes, ma’am. Here, Shawn’s best friend went out and got this for him earlier, but of course now he can’t drink it. Pineapple mango, his favourite. Have it, or give it to someone who likes Pineapple, or split it. I don’t care.”</p><p>Nancy accepted the beverage graciously. “You don’t want it?” she asked.</p><p>Carlton shook his head. “I can’t drink a whole one. I will normally just steal a sip or two of Shawn’s when he gets one…” </p><p>“I understand.” Carlton nodded and left the hospital. </p>
<hr/><p>He returned exactly an hour later freshly showered and clothed in comfortable pants and a t-shirt with one of Shawn’s sweatshirts pulled on over it. He had gone to the cafeteria to grab a sandwich, a banana, an apple, and some Coffee. When he returned to Shawn’s room he saw a cot set up next to the bed and a new bag on the IV pole. It was connected to a thick tube that went in one of Shawn’s nostrils and disappeared. He sank into the cot next to the hospital bed and took Shawn’s limp hand, rubbing circles on the wrist with his thumb. He ran his other hand through the untidy brown locks on his head, staring into the thin sleeping face, lost in thought until a ping from his phone pulled him out of his revere. </p><p>Juliet: <em>Gus told me what happened. Are you ok?</em><br/>
Carlton: <em>I’m not the one in the Hospital. I’m fine.</em><br/>
J: <em>Carlton, Shawn’s your husband, you are human, it’s ok to admit that this is affecting you</em><br/>
C:<em>Ok, yes, I am anxious because he is sedated again, because he needs a feeding tube, because he flatlined again, because of the seizure, because of the dreams, because of</em> <em>a lot of things. Most of them because of Shawn right now. </em><br/>
J: <em>Are you at home? I can come over</em><br/>
C:<em> No, I am spending the night in his room. The nurse gave me a cot. </em><br/>
J: <em>That isn’t healthy Carlton, Go home. </em><br/>
C: <em>Why? I’m not going to sleep at home. I haven’t been able to sleep since he was taken. </em><br/>
J: <em>Fine. Will you at least eat something?</em><br/>
C: <em>Yes, ma’am. Don’t worry, you have an ally there. The nurse is also concerned about that. </em><br/>
J: <em>Good. Get some sleep. I will be by tomorrow.</em>  <br/>
C: <em>Night, O’Hara.</em></p><p>He put his phone back in his pocket and unwrapped his sandwich. Then ate it one handed, returning one hand to Shawn’s. He did the same thing with the apple and banana. Lassiter lay back on the cot, and pulled the covers over himself, closing his eyes. At once, as every other night since Shawn’s return, the scene of the previous week started playing vividly in his mind’s eye. </p>
<hr/><p>It was midmorning when Garcia found the final posting from the unsub which had expressed his interest in getting rid of Shawn. The rest of the day they had the entire police department split up searching everywhere for him. It wasn’t until late that night that Garcia got movement from the tracker she placed on the identities associated with the IP addresses that had accessed the previous posting and told the team that two of the pervs seemed to have figured out where to go. Carlton, Juliet, Hotch, Morgan, Prentiss and JJ rushed over there. They pulled their cars next to a children’s hospital that had a wing deserted. Juliet and Carlton looked at each other, noting that this would be a perfect place to hide someone. </p><p>As the four BAU agents and the detectives pulled up next to the building and ran through the doors, making their way to the abandoned wing. As they opened the wing’s door they heard a muffled scream that made Carlton’s blood run cold. Carlton stopped dead for a moment. Then hurried in the direction of the voice. </p><p>“Someone call for a bus!” Morgan called as he approached the scene</p><p>They pulled open the door and what they found nearly made Carlton want to kill someone. In fact, he probably would have if Juliet hadn’t stopped him. </p><p>Shawn was hanging in midair, naked and blindfolded, in the abandoned playroom, just above a small toddler sized plastic chair and table. Presumably he had been sitting in some way until the two men who were now focused upon him had changed that. Their were six rings in the ceiling, which had to have been put there by the kidnapper, through the rings were looped chains to the cuffs around Shawn’s ankles, wrists, throat and waist. One of the burly men had hold of five of them, the other man was gripping the chain to his waist cuff tightly and was pulling it and loosening it as he saw fit.  Both men were as deep in their prey as they could go, one of them had a large hand wrapped around his throat. </p><p>Hotch, Morgan, and Prentiss had their guns out and were pointing them at the men, “FBI,” Hotch said with authority, getting the attention from the men. JJ was on the phone, calling for an EMT. </p><p>“Shawn!” Juliet said shocked as she identified the man suspended in midair. </p><p>Lassiter ran over to catch Shawn from falling to the ground as Morgan and Prentiss pulled the men off of him. Juliet both hurried to their side as JJ and Hotch worked to release the bonds. “Lassie” they heard Shawn whisper with a tone that sounded very much like relief, Shawn’s body contorted in pain in the detective’s arms as what Carlton presumed to be electricity coursed through him. Carlton to cringe sympathetically watching the tortured man’s head fall heavily onto his shoulder. </p><p>“Shawn, don’t speak, we will get this thing off you.” He said, rubbing his husband’s back gently. </p><p>Juliet pulled off the blindfold. “Carlton, I think he passed out.” She said, tears making her eyes sparkle. </p><p>Hotch managed to release Shawn’s collar chain, and Shawn’s breathing suddenly grew easier. <br/>
“He must have been slowly choking all day,” Hotch said grimly. “Can you catch him when we release his arms and legs.” Carlton nodded as Hotch moved to help JJ with his wrist and ankle chains. </p><p>As soon as the shackles were off, Carlton wrapped the naked man in his coat, cringing as his husband’s skeletal figure disappeared into the blazer. A moment later a stretcher and paramedics ran into the room. </p><p>Prentiss and Morgan took the two men off to be processed for attempted human trafficking and rape, not giving them the chance to zip their pants back up. Lassiter complied with the paramedics as they strapped Shawn to a backboard, put a neck brace on him, and carried him to the stretcher. No one commented on the state that he was in, although Juliet could see how much everything that was done to Shawn was affecting her partner. Carlton insisted on coming with them as they transported him to the hospital, mentioning their marital status as reason enough for him to go. They had agreed, and sped off after starting Shawn on IV antibiotics. </p><p>Once they got to the hospital, the wait while Shawn was in surgery was almost more excruciating than the search for him. The detective paced the waiting room, greeting Henry and Gus as they entered a few minutes after he arrived, telling him that Juliet had called them. Juliet arrived with Chief Vick and a few members of the BAU a few minutes later. </p><p>Hours passed before they had gotten any word on Shawn’s condition. Madeline Spencer had arrived by that point, from her home in Vancouver, and she and Henry sat in a corner worrying quietly together. </p><p>Dawn broke by the time the doctor came out to talk to them. “Family of Shawn Spencer - Lassiter?” He asked to the waiting room. Immediately Henry, Maddie, Gus, Juliet, Karen, Carlton, and Agents Jareau, Prentiss, Hotchner, and Reid, hurried over. </p><p>“That’s us, I’m his husband.” Carlton said, quickly confirming the doctor’s question. </p><p>The doctor sighed and looked around at the mix of expressions. </p><p>“That bad?” Reid asked quietly, studying the doctor’s mannerisms. </p><p>“Let the man talk,” Prentiss chided</p><p>“Come on Em, you see it too.” Reid defended. </p><p>“Can I hear what the Doctor has to say about Shawn please?” Carlton implored. </p><p>The doctor looked at Carlton with a thankful yet apologetic look. “I am afraid there were some complications, Mr Lassiter. He flatlined twice on the table, it took a good few minutes to bring him back. Your husband has major trauma to most of his body. His torso in particular was badly damaged. He had major internal bleeding in multiple places, the outer laceration like it had been amaturely stitched and then was sealed using a hot wax which fused to his skin but the internal bleeds were left of their own devices. He has been receiving nutrition through an IV, but it seems to have been irregularly administered and the only kind of nutrition he has been given in weeks. A catheter was inexpertly inserted and has caused tearing in his bladder lining, Shawn also has been in a state of forced erection and has had the circulation to his testicals cut off for what looks like a good period of time. In addition it looks like something was heated and burned there. He has broken ribs, a punctured lung, a moderate concussion, and first, second, and a few third degree burns. He is also suffering from continuing muscle spasms from prolonged high voltage electric shock. We have put him in an induced coma for now, so that he will be able to start healing, I do have to warn you though, this amount of trauma and blood loss, We aren’t sure when, or if he will wake up.” There was prolonged silence among the gathered people. Stifled sobs were heard and Carlton turned to see Gus comforting Juliet while tears streamed from his cheeks and Henry comforting Maddie while his eyes sparkled with unshed tears. He wiped away a few tears of his own as he noticed Agent Hotchner motioning the doctor to the side. He moved closer so he could eavesdrop.</p><p><br/>
“It is undetermined at this point if he will be able to reach sexual stimulation from the front anymore.” The doctor was saying.  Carlton wasn’t sure what question the FBI profiler had asked to get that reply. But it wasn’t a reply he liked that much.</p><p>“And a rape kit?” Hotch was pressing now.</p><p>“Yes, we ran one.” The doctor said, “We aren’t sure what we will find in the results of the semen that are to come back, but yes, it looks like this wasn’t the first time. he was torn repeatedly. There are no signs of any lubrication used.” </p><p>Hotch nodded. “You will run the results of the DNA through your labs?”</p><p>“Of course.” the doctor said</p><p>“If you don’t have time, we will do it.” Lassiter spoke up from where he was eavesdropping. </p><p>Hotch turned to look at him. “I was hoping to spare you from that.” he said stoically. </p><p>“I’m a Detective,” Carlton said, not showing his pain. “I was there when we found him. I know it happened at least once.” he turned to the doctor. “Can I see him?” He asked</p><p>“They are settling him into a room now. No more than one visitor at a time.” The doctor said. “Ten minutes per visitor.” </p><p>Twenty minutes later a nurse came out asking for the first visitor for Shawn and all eyes landed on Carlton. He stood from where he had taken a seat and followed her to a room in the CCU. </p><p>“He will be in Critical Care for a day or so, until he is out of the woods. Then we will send him to the ICU.” The nurse said. Lassiter stopped at the door and stared at his husband in the bed. Shawn was white as his sheets, covered in bandages and had tubes coming from everywhere. He was hooked up to a respirator to help him breathe and was on a heart monitor to keep a close eye on his heartbeat. Carlton ran a hand through Shawn’s messy overlong hair and placed a chaste kiss upon his still lips before sitting in the chair next to his bed. </p><p>“How did we get here again, Shawn?” Carlton asked aloud. “You need to stop this, I swear it is taking years off of my life worrying about you.” He placed a hand on the skeletal hand on the covers, making sure not to knock out the iV or knock off the oxygen monitor. “I need you back, I can’t sleep when I am always worrying about you, I can’t sleep without you in our bed. I never thought I would grow to love someone the way I love you, not after Victoria, but Shawn, I think I love you far more than I ever loved her. You taught me what a happy relationship looks like. I need you in my life.” He laughed sardonically. “I don’t think I have ever said half of these things to you when you were awake. I don’t know if I could. But Shawn, when you walked into my life, I learned what it was to feel alive again. The moment you told me you were dying I felt my heart break before I even knew I loved you. When I knew you were going to be ok, and you loved me too, it was as though my life was worth living once more. I don’t know what Doctor Kuthri is going to say, but Shawn, Pineapples, Penny, we will get through it together, and I will be by your side. Just survive. I don’t care how. Stay alive.”</p><p>The nurse was at the door. “Time’s up, sir.” She said, “You have had a little extra time. Privilege of the husband.” She winked at him. As Carlton got up to leave Shawn’s heart monitor started beeping loudly, and then a loud alarm went off. The nurse shoved Carlton aside and ran in to check on her patient. “Code blue, He is flatlining,” She pressed a button on the wall and sirens went off, nurses rushed in, one of them bringing a crash cart with them. Carlton was moved out of the way as he looked on in horror while they attempted to bring the love of his life back. </p><p>“Shawn!” He gasped. </p>
<hr/><p>Sitting bolt upright, he woke instantly from his memory. Tears were in his eyes, and Shawn’s name was on his lips. Carlton looked into the bed next to him where his husband still slept and grasped his hand once more. “I miss you, Shawn,” He whispered, pressing his forehead to the thin hand. Resting his head on the bed next to the unconscious psychic, Lassiter tried once more to find sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please K&amp;K!! I love reading what you guys think!</p><p>Pineapple nickname borrowed from Pineapples and Green Berets by Anonymous_seal</p><p>“Penny” is derived from Spencer - Spence - Pen - penny. </p><p> </p><p>Thought I would clear that up!<br/>Sorry for any confusion!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Hodgkin's Lymphoma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>partial diagnosis is given, The team narrows down the profile, they go to dinner, JJ and Jules talk boys</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this chapter took so long! I've had a bit of writers block and started writing a few more psych fics. I sense the ending of this one approaching though, so look out for that!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before visiting hours started the next morning, Dr Kuthri stopped by Shawn’s room. She glanced at her patient and back at Carlton. “I am sorry we are not meeting on better terms Mr Lassiter.” She said carefully. </p><p>“Detective,” Carlton corrected automatically. Then glanced at Shawn, remembering he wasn’t here as a detective at the moment. “Me too.” He paused. “You never called with a diagnosis.” He tried to not sound accusatory. </p><p>The doctor looked at her chart, as though trying to decide the best way to phrase her next thought. “I need to run a few more specialised tests before confirming my theory,” She said, “But I believe he has some sort of autoimmune complication to a general Hodgkin's Lymphoma.” </p><p>Carlton grew worried. “How will the delayed treatment and his capture impact his rate of survival?” </p><p>“First we need to confirm my hypothesis, if it is a paraneoplastic syndrome, we will deal with it from there.” She rifled through her charts. “When we last spoke the tests showed an aggressive level 3 tumor, but we haven’t confirmed malignancy or seen if or how much it has grown in the past month.” </p><p>Lassiter ran his hand through Shawn’s hair, as though memorising the feel of it through his fingers. “As his significant other, you are his healthcare proxy, and therefore can approve any tests that need to be done in his place.” Dr Kuthri continued. “I understand he has been sedated to speed up his healing process, any tests we do will not need him to be awake.”</p><p>“What kind of tests do you need to run?” Carlton asked</p><p>“A biopsy of the tumour, another MRI of his brain with contrast, a spinal tap, and some more blood work,” She rattled off. </p><p>“None of that will hurt him?” Lassiter asked suspiciously.</p><p>“The biopsy will require a small cut, and the spinal tap may leave him sore, but it would be more of a problem if he were sitting up, or walking. He shouldn’t feel it lying down. The ache should go away in a day or two.” Dr Kuthri watched Carlton, and seeing his hesitancy looked down at Shawn’s chart again. “He will be carefully monitored during the MRI,” She reassured. “He can go while on the respirator and heart monitor. They won’t be a problem.” Carlton nodded. </p><p>“Ok, that’s fine.” He said heavily. “Please do what you must. But I would like to go along if I could, even to just sit outside the room while the test is performed. If possible.” </p><p>“I will make a note of it,” She said, writing something on the clipboard. “A nurse will be by later with forms for you to sign, we will begin the tests later today.” </p><p>“Thank you Dr,” He said with a nod of his head. </p><p>“Detective,” She returned, then she spun on her heel and swept out of the room.</p><p>Henry and Maddie Spencer came to sit at their son’s side starting as soon as visitor’s hours started, even though Carlton told them that he had been given a long term sedative and wouldn’t wake for at least another 12-36 hours. They had both been there every day while he was asleep the past week for at least half the visiting hours and often only left when the nurses kicked them out. Henry, as per his usual self, had barged into the conference room when he heard his son had been kidnapped and demanded to be part of the investigation. He only backed down when the Chief and the Unit Chief of the BAU, Agent Hotchner, refused point blank to allow him to work the active investigation. He compromised by ordering someone to tell him where they were every night when they knocked off. The job nearly always fell to Lassiter or Gus. Sometimes Chief Vick did it. But the three weeks that Shawn had been gone made Henry even more angry and irrassible than ever, and no one, except maybe Shawn, was able to deal with him in that mood. </p><p>Thankfully Madeline came down a week after her son’s disappearance and was able to act as a go-between. She at least was able to keep her feelings in check long enough not to bite the heads off of the well meaning detective, or friend, just trying to update them on the progress of the slow moving case. Of course, no one told either one of them the main link in victimology, or that Shawn had been targeted personally. They also refrained from speculating on any theories with them, especially after certain things were revealed that were too sensitive to tell any kidnapped victim’s parents. </p><p>Gus came by that afternoon with Juliet. Lassiter thought he spied the younger man holding his partner’s hand as they entered the room, but he said nothing. He had spotted a nurse holding papers headed for the room at the same time Gus and Juliet entered. He went to meet her in the hallway so no one would see or hear the conversation. </p><p>“These are the medical consent forms for the healthcare proxy, right?” He asked. “For the tests Dr Kuthri wants to run?” </p><p>The nurse nodded, flipping through the pages. “Please fill these out and sign and date here, here, here, here, and here” She pointed to a bunch of lines where the words “Healthcare Proxy Signature” underneath an x with a long line. Next to each one was a smaller line asking for the date.  </p><p>Carlton sped read through the forms and filled them out as quickly as possible. “Here,” He said, shoving the clipboard back at her. </p><p>She smiled gently at him. “We will come do the biopsy in a short while.” </p><p>“No one in the room there knows he is getting these tests or what they are for.” Carlton said quickly. “He wanted to keep it that way. Can you just say they are generic tests when you do them?” </p><p>“We do the Biopsy and the Spinal tap in the room, should we tell everyone to leave?” She asked politely. </p><p>“That would be great.” She nodded, and Carlton headed back into the hospital room. </p><p>“What was that about?” Henry asked as Carlton took his seat next to Shawn’s sleeping form once more. </p><p>“They just wanted to discuss a few things about his care,” Carlton said, meeting Henry’s eyes as the man studied him, searching for lies. It was the truth. A truth. So Lassiter was easily able to convince the ex-cop that he had nothing to hide. </p><p>Half an hour later a nurse came in and encouraged the Spencers to take a leisurely lunch in the cafeteria, or go out. Leave the hospital for a while and clear their heads. Both Madeline and Henry refused, but the nurse was adamant saying that she needed to take Shawn for a few tests and it would be best if the visitors go take a break for an hour or so. Maddie reluctantly agreed and tugged Henry with her. Lassiter had planned to stay where he was, and take advantage of his right as medical proxy to oversee bedside medical procedures, but as they were taking Shawn somewhere else, he figured he might as well go to the cafeteria and get some coffee and something to eat. </p><hr/><p>At the same time as Shawn was going for his tests, Morgan, JJ, Hotch, Prentiss, Rossi, and Reid, along with Juliet, were examining the house where the psychic had been kept for three weeks.They had started the day before, but there was so much to go over, with the numerous bodies in the video cameras blind spot that they had returned with CSU to continue processing and searching the house. They had split up, Pretiss and Juliet took upstairs, Reid and JJ were taking the ground level, and Hotch, Morgan and Rossi took the basement/torture chamber. </p><p>They were each busy examining their own area when Morgan suddenly spoke up. “Hey Hotch, why did you tell Detective Lassiter that we might call upon the psychic when we are in the area next? You know we don’t work with psychics.” Rossi tuned and stared at Hotch as Hotch chuckled. </p><p>“He’s not psychic.” Hotch said easily. “Lassiter explained the whole thing. He pretended to be psychic so he wouldn’t be arrested for a crime he didn’t commit. Apparently he tried to tell them that he figured out the culprit by watching the news, and no one believed him, they thought he had inside information. They were about to arrest him when Lassiter’s partner at the time, told him to just give them any explanation as to how he knew what he did, and he said that he was psychic. He thought it was a one off, but then he got hired on something else on his way out the door. It just kind of snowballed.” </p><p>“I knew there isn’t such things as psychics.” Rossi said with satisfaction. “Besides, he is way more accurate than most that I have met. So, did Lassiter tell you how Spencer does it?” </p><p>“The kid is a profiler. He does what we do.” Hotch said. “But a damn good one. Somewhere between a profiler and detective. It helps that he has total recall like Reid, and has hyper observational skills. He is also apparently really smart, he just pretends to be a hyperactive idiot. More than likely he is a genius with ADHD”</p><p>Morgan looked slightly impressed. “But, he isn’t a cop, he hasn’t taken any of the classes, where did he learn that?”</p><p>“His father was a really good cop in his day, it seems that he was training Spencer from a young age to use his memory as an observational skill for when he became a cop.” Hotch explained. “His father started training him really early, and was so hard about it that it turned Spencer off of any desire for law enforcement. He probably has been profiling longer than any of us, except Rossi.”</p><p>“But he is a detective now, I thought he didn’t like law enforcement.” Morgan asked curiously. </p><p>“My guess is that he still wants to help people, he just doesn’t want to be part of the law enforcement that does it.” Rossi mused. “That’s interesting though, no wonder his cold reads were so accurate.”</p><p>“Oh, Lassiter also apologized about that,” Hotch added. “He said that Spencer isn’t normally so abrasive, he tends to prefer to poke fun at people than actually dredge out someone’s past like he did when we met him. From what Lassiter said, Spencer’s been in a bad place recently because of the illness and tries to hide it, but isn’t always successful.”</p><p>“It’s true that he didn’t look that great when we saw him.” Morgan recalled. “He looked like he was in a lot of pain.” </p><p>“So, Hotch, are you going to tell the Chief?” Rossi asked. “The kid is defrauding the police, getting in the way of investigations, withholding information…” </p><p>“My understanding is that since he became a consultant, their solve rate has become top rate,” Hotch said. “I’m guessing the Chief is operating on a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy. She likes that he gets her results and closes cases, they have solved many cold cases as well, apparently. Their solve rate seems to be something like 150%.”</p><p>“Does someone need to bring Reid down here to tell you how impossible that is?” Morgan asked sarcastically, “Or are you going to explain.”</p><p>“It’s possible if they solve cases they aren’t hired for,” Rossi said. “So we aren’t going to say anything then?”</p><p>“I don’t think we should interfere with something that works.” Hotch shrugged. “O’Hara said it best when she learned what was true. She said ‘I will tell the truth, he sees what we don’t’, Which is fair, and true. He notice in seconds things that no one would notice for hours or days.”</p><p>“I guess not all eidetic memories are the same,” Morgan said with a chuckle. “I’m done with this area, you guys done?”</p><p>“Yeah,”</p><p>“Yes, let’s get CSU down here to process the scene and we can get Garcia to run the names on those stands. Cross off some of the missing people on the list and figure out if we can see where he has been recently.” Hotch started up the stairs, pulling out his phone and directing the crime scene unit down to the basement. </p><p>An hour later the BAU were gathered in the conference room looking at the new names on the board. They had found 20 victims with poles run through them like they had seen the unsub threaten Shawn with in the video. The most recent victim led them to believe the stands were stuck into them peremortem. </p><p>“What are we missing?” Hotch asked his team.</p><p>“What is the significance of this month?” Reid asked. </p><p>“Why five years between resurfacing?” Prentiss mused</p><p>“Is there anything that ties the victims together besides the illnesses?” Morgan added </p><p>“Why was Shawn so important he broke pattern?” Rossi sat back in his chair, watching as JJ wrote on the whiteboard. </p><p>“I want to know why terminal illness is so important to him,” Garcia’s voice came over the conference room speaker. </p><p>“Significance of playroom?” JJ said aloud as she wrote her question down on the board. </p><p>“Why the patients?” Hotch asked. “If they are terminal, they are going to die soon anyway, right? So wouldn’t he want to choose someone he had more of an impact on?” </p><p>Reid was studying the questions on the board. “I think these are all asking the same thing.” He said slowly. “If we find out his trigger, everything will be clear.” </p><p>“Playroom suggests he was a child, so possibly a mother or father figure in his life had some terminal disease of some sort.” Prentiss looked through the file, </p><p>“The drastic mood shifts along with the verbal abuse and gaslighting we saw him inflict on Spencer indicate something personality altering, such as a drug or tumour.” Rossi continued then, seeing Reid look up at his name, added. “Not you Reid, the other Spencer.”</p><p>“He said words that are normally aimed at a female,” Reid put in. “Bitch, Whore, Slut. I would hazard to guess that the person in question is a female authority figure in his life. Or was. The terminal aspect makes me think she has long since died.”</p><p>“I agree,” Morgan nodded. “Five years could just be him accounting for the statute of limitations, or it could be something else. Like, what if it was the number of years said person was in remission?”</p><p>“That’s an interesting thought” JJ concurred. “The month might be the month she died.”</p><p>“So, last question,” Hotch said, “Why Shawn? What is so important about him?” </p><p>“I was wondering,” Garcia asked tentatively, “Could it have anything to do with the fact that they have the same first name?”</p><p>All eyes but Reid’s flicked to the speaker. “How do you know that?” Hotch asked quickly</p><p>“It was in the first video. He said, ‘my name is Sean too, but my name is ess ee ay en, not ess ach ay double ewe en.’ Then Shawn said that he was a psychopath, and the unsub went on to say that they would become such good friends.” Reid summarised, reciting the conversation word for word. </p><p>Everyone fell silent. “I guess we were so busy with Lassiter we missed that part.” JJ confessed. She went back to the board and wrote SEAN at the top in large letters. </p><p>“That can’t have been the only reason Spencer was picked, was it? It seemed like the unsub picked him even before he knew he was ill,” Prentiss sat down next to Rossi, Reid joined her, as did Hotch and Morgan. </p><p>“You’re right,” Hotch said. “Garcia,” He turned sharply to the conference phone.</p><p>“Yessir!” She replied attentively. </p><p>“I need you to find anyone with the name of Sean, spelled as our unsub spells it, who may have had a female guardian or mother with terminal cancer roughly 20 - 25 years ago.”</p><p>“In the whole country?” She asked nervously. </p><p>“Start with the Pacific Northwest.” Morgan put in. </p><p>“Good call.” Hotch nodded, approvingly. </p><p>“He would probably have been a kid then, somewhere between 5-10 years old.” Prentiss added. </p><p>“This is gonna take a minute.” they could hear Garcia typing at record speeds. </p><p>“Try cross referencing your results with anything you have on Shawn Spencer.” Rossi tossed in. </p><p>“Will do!” She said brightly, “I’ll hit you back when I’ve got something!” they heard a beep and the phone disconnected. </p><p>They looked at each other. “Dinner?” JJ asked the group. They all nodded and headed out of the conference room. </p><p>“Shawn woke up yesterday,” Reid said absently. JJ, Rossi, and Morgan stopped and turned to Hotch. </p><p>“Aaron, you didn’t say,” Rossi accused, as gently as he could. </p><p>“They had to sedate him again, so he won’t wake up until tonight or tomorrow.” Prentiss replied, covering for Hotch. </p><p>“What happened?” JJ asked, concerned. </p><p>“Panic attack, they think.” Prentiss said. “But he was having trouble breathing. All I heard from O’Hara was that they gave him some long term sedatives to help his body heal, and he won’t be awake for a while.” </p><p>As they were entering a medium sized diner, Hotch’s phone buzzed. Do you need Shawn’s diagnosis for your profile? That was a good question. As they sat down he asked, “How would a diagnosis fit in this? Do we need it, or can we let Lassiter keep it private?” </p><p>“We asked Garcia to look into how the shawns intersect, it’s doubtless she will find his diagnosis in there.” Prentiss reasoned. </p><p>Morgan shook his head. “My girl’s programs only look for what they are asked to look for, they won’t give any excess information.” </p><p>“Why don’t you invite him and O’Hara to dinner with us.” JJ recommended brightly. “We can discuss it in person!” The rest of them nodded. Hotch shrugged and messaged the invitation to the detective, who declined, as he expected. </p><p>“He said that Shawn could wake up any minute, and he wants to be there.” Hotch said. </p><p>“We should go visit then, bring him something to eat.” Prentiss said with a grin. “O’Hara said she would be happy to come join us and get something for Lassiter to go.” </p><p>Juliet joined them not ten minutes later, taking a seat between Prentiss and Morgan. “Agent Morgan,” She greeted, a small blush rising up her cheeks. “Hi Emily, thank you for inviting me. Reid, Agent Hotchner.” She looked at Rossi and JJ, who she hadn’t spent as much time around. “Evening Agents Rossi and Jareau.” </p><p>“Please, call me JJ,” JJ said with a smile. “Everyone does.” </p><p>“How have Will and Henry been doing with you being gone this long?” Hotch asked curiously. </p><p>“Probably about the same as Jack has.” She retorted. Then after a pause said, “Not too well, I try to talk to them every night, but the time difference is hard.”</p><p>“You guys have kids?” Juliet asked curiously. “Must be hard with what you do.”</p><p>“It really is.” JJ said. “Will and I make it work, He understands because he is a Cop, but Haley…” </p><p>“She left.” Hotch finished shortly. “Jack wasn’t even one.” </p><p>“That’s terrible, I’m sorry,” Juliet said, remorse clear in her tone. “How old are they now?”</p><p>“Jack is 6, and Henry is 4.” JJ replied. “But they have lots of family. When we are around we are all always hanging out, and the kids often join us.” </p><p>“Henry’s my godson.” Reid said proudly. “He is very smart.” </p><p>“He went as his favoirte FBI profiler for halloween one year.” Morgan said. “It was like looking in a funhouse mirror. The minireid.” </p><p>“If you are referring to the mirrors that make you look smaller or larger than you actually are, then I disagree.” Reid said, “Henry wore similar clothing to mine, but he has very different looks. He is JJ’s son, after all. He shares her facial features. Or will. Currently he looks more like Will. DId you know that children tend to look more like their fathers for the first few years to reassure the paternity of their offspring?”</p><p>“Is that true?” Juliet asked, curiously.</p><p>“Everything Reid says is true.” Rossi replied. “His area is random facts and statistics. The Eidetic memory and lighting fast reading means that he absorbs knowledge really fast.” </p><p>Juliet thought about that. “I don’t think I have seen Shawn read, ever. I am pretty sure he has ADHD though, he cannot sit still to save his life.” </p><p>“That must be an interesting experience for him.” Reid mused. “Hyperactivity plus hyper observant and an eidetic memory? Interesting mix. The Head Detective said he was genius level smart also.” </p><p>Juliet nodded. “He normally acts like a child though. Can’t act like a grown up to save his life. And I am not just using an expression. He has had a gun pointed at him more times than I can count simply because he could not stop talking about stupid shit. He has ended up in the middle of hostage negotiations, gotten himself kidnapped, you name it.”</p><p>Prentiss chuckled. “Sounds a bit like you, Reid.”</p><p>Reid stiffened. “I don’t talk about, quote, unquote, Stupid Shit.” </p><p>Morgan laughed. “But you don’t deny the other part?” Reid blushed. </p><p>“You see that constant reckless and/or approval seeking behavior a lot when parents or guardians set standards that were impossible to reach as a child. Did one or both of his parents have impossible standards?” Rossi asked. </p><p>“His father,” Juliet said, nodding. “He still does. Anytime Shawn finds himself in trouble  and we call Henry he answers with, ‘What did that idiot do now?’. Last year, when I told him that Dr Richards had kidnapped him and he was in the hospital after being beaten up, he just asked what Shawn did to deserve it.” </p><p>“Does Shawn get into trouble or make trouble a lot?” Hotch asked, a frown on his face.</p><p>“Not really.” Juliet replied. “He can be annoying, he can be talkative, and hyperactive, but he is always helpful, he always goes to the crime scene and knows what parts of it not to disturb, he knows how to follow a lead, and most of the time he can figure out when to call us in for backup. Even when they were young, from what Gus tells me, Shawn was never outright bad. He occasionally misbehaved, as little boys do, tested boundaries, but it doesn’t seem like he ever had malicious intentions, never stole, or hurt anyone or anything, most of it was school related. Not finishing assignments, or doing them incorrectly. You know, kid stuff. Gus also said his dad was upset that Shawn wouldn’t go fishing with him because he felt bad for the bait.” </p><p>“I never did that when I was in school.” Reid objected. </p><p>“You also graduated high school at 12,” JJ said, rolling her eyes, “You aren’t exactly a control group.” </p><p>“It seems pretty standard child, and there doesn’t seem to be any lack of empathy,” Rossi evaluated. “His father is probably just hypercritical, which made Shawn push back more.” </p><p>They ate dinner while they talked, talk about Shawn turned into talk about the case, which turned into discussions of other cases that the BAU did or the SBPD closed. They discussed the Yin Yang murderers, Foyette, The Roller Derby Thievery case, and were discussing the Anthrax case when they started settling the bill and Juliet received the to-go order for Carlton. </p><p>Juliet looked at her watch. “Visiting hours end in 45 minutes.” She said, “Anyone else going to the hospital?” </p><p>“I will go with you, Detective O’Hara.” Hotch said. “I would like to talk to Detective Lassiter.” </p><p>“I’ll come too,” Morgan said, “I didn’t really get to see him yesterday.” </p><p>“Same,” JJ said, </p><p>“Just so you know,” Juliet warned, “Shawn might not be awake.” </p><p>“That’s fine,” JJ and Morgan said in unison.</p><p>“Why don’t you ride with us, Detective,” Hotch said politely, “We can drop you off at your car on our way to the hotel.” </p><p>“All right, Thank you, Agent Hotchner.” She said, getting into the back with JJ. “And please, Call me, O’Hara, or Juliet.” </p><p>“Only if you call me Hotch.” He replied with a small smile. </p><p>“You can drop the ‘Agent’ for me too.” Morgan said. “We have been working together for a month, I think it’s time.” She blushed again and smiled. JJ elbowed her as Morgan and Hotch sat facing forward and started talking. </p><p>“Morgan is pretty cute, isn’t he?” she whispered to Juliet. “Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure every woman with eyes has pictured it. Along with any gay man. Between Hotch, Morgan, Rossi, and Reid, we have every woman’s dream guy in one place.” </p><p>Juliet smirked slightly. “Stoic, Strong, Senior, and Sweet?” she asked “The four S’s” </p><p>“I was going to say the four M’s  Monosyllabic, Muscular, Mature, and Mesmerizing.” JJ giggled. </p><p>“It really isn’t fair, you work with such good looking guys, although, to be fair, you and Emily are equally attractive on that end.” Juliet huffed. </p><p>JJ laughed. “Thank you, I do have to say though, your department isn’t too bad either. The tall muscular one is a sight.” </p><p>“Buzz?” Juliet giggled. “He really is. And married.” She sighed. “Why are all the attractive people taken? Shawn is with Lassiter, not that I wanted him, I mean, I was attracted to him initially because, come on, who isn’t? He looks attractive now, but you should have seen him when he was a healthier weight.” She joked. She pulled out her phone and showed JJ. </p><p>“Really?” JJ looked surprised. “I see what you mean, they do look very happy together though.” </p><p>“That was taken at their wedding.” Juliet smiled at the memory. “It was only like 4 months ago.” </p><p>The car pulled up to the Hospital parking lot and Juliet put away her phone. “By the way,” She said to JJ, “I want to see pictures of your son sometime!” JJ grinned. </p><p>“Anytime.”</p><p><br/>They got out of the car and made their way up the familiar route to the room Shawn was staying in. Opening the door, they found Lassiter at Shawn’s bedside with a large smile on his face, and Shawn signing something, his bed angled slightly up, staring at the detective with a light in his eyes that they hadn’t seen for a while. Juliet’s look saddened when she noted the respirator still taped to Shawn’s open mouth. </p><p>“Hi Shawn!” Juliet bounded into the room and took a seat on the other side of the bed as if there were no worries in the world. </p><p>Shawn waved brightly, signing <em><strong>Hi Jules</strong></em></p><p>“Are you feeling any better?” Hotch asked. </p><p><em><strong>Better than what? </strong></em> Shawn asked, confused. </p><p>Lassiter, who was translating, explained, “He doesn’t remember what happened.” He came over to the newcomers, saying quietly, “He doesn’t need to know.” They nodded. </p><p>Juliet held out the box to Carlton. “Here Carlton, I got you something from the diner. Burger with everything on it and a side salad, thought you might want a break from the hospital food.” </p><p>Carlton flashed her a smile, “Thanks O’Hara.” </p><p>Shawn touched her arm to get her attention, <em><strong>Thanks Jules, husband will forget to eat unless someone reminds him.</strong></em> </p><p>Carlton gave a mock scowl as he translated, then replied. “That’s not true,” Shawn shot him a look. “Ok, Not always true…” Juliet chuckled. </p><p>“Good to see you awake, Kid” Morgan grinned. </p><p>“Yeah, you have been asleep a while.” JJ added. </p><p>“I heard you got a diagnosis.” Hotch looked at Carlton, changing the subject. </p><p><em><strong>I was asking about that when you walked in</strong></em> Shawn signed. </p><p>Carlton translated then looked around at the group nervously, Shawn’s parents weren’t there, and neither was Gus. He shot a look at Shawn. “I thought you wanted to be discreet.” </p><p>Shawn just nodded then gave a small shrug and jerked his head pointedly at Hotch. Carlton seemed to get the message. </p><p>“I believe what Shawn means is that he will share with Hotch if he needs to, but no one else.” Lassiter said. Shawn nodded in agreement. </p><p>“I had a feeling,” Hotch said stoically. Juliet stood, “Would you all wait in the hall for a moment?” He asked Morgan and JJ. They nodded and left the room. Once the two of them and Juliet had left, Shawn put a hand on Lassiter’s, signalling for him to continue. </p><p>“Dr Kuthri came by earlier to order more tests while you were sleeping,” Carlton started, explaining things to Shawn. “She said she had a partial diagnosis, but she wanted to see if anything had progressed while you had been captured and wanted to confirm her theory.” Shawn looked apprehensive. “She said you had some sort of a neurological complication to a stage three Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Cancer of the lymph nodes. I have been looking it up, and there is a high recovery rate from this, so you should be just fine.” </p><p>
  <em> <strong>What about the Neurological complication? </strong> </em>
</p><p>“Dr Kuthri didn’t say yet what it was. She should have results from the tests soon.” </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Bad? </strong> </em>
</p><p>“I don’t know yet, Shawn, they might not be. But if they are, we will get through them together.” Lassiter assured him. </p><p>“So the diagnosis isn’t terminal?” Hotch asked. </p><p>“Not that we could tell, no.” Carlton confirmed</p><p>“But it is malignant?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>Hotch thought for a moment. “That might be something. Dr Kuthri you said? I wonder if there is a connection there. Thank you for confiding in me,” He said to Shawn, “I won’t let anyone else on the team know as it doesn’t seem pertinent to the case.” Shawn gave him a small smile, then yawned. “May I let everyone else back in?” Shawn nodded sleepily. Hotch opened the door and the other three entered the room once more. </p><p>Shawn waved to them all as his eyelids slowly got heavier. </p><p>“You can sleep if you’re tired, Shawn,” Juliet returned to her seat on the other side of the bed. “We don’t mind.” </p><p><em><strong>Thanks</strong></em>, He signed. Carlton kissed his forehead, and soon Shawn was asleep once more. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Diagnosis and reaction</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Husband! Husband!</em>
  </b>
  <span> Shawn tapped a sleeping Lassiter while signing the single word of ‘spouse’, which was shorter and easier than spelling out any of Lassiter’s nicknames. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lassiter roused himself quickly from the cot he settled himself on once more after Shawn fell asleep the night before and looked up to see Shawn more cheerful than he had been in a long time. He broke into a smile. “Hi Shawn, are you feeling better today?” He moved off the temporary bed and kissed the younger man on the corner of his mouth, being unable to kiss his mouth properly because of the respirator still coming out of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shawn gave a half hearted shrug, </span>
  <b>
    <em>You look tired, you should go home for a bit</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lassiter brushed the hair off of Shawn’s forehead, “Don’t worry about me. I’m getting more sleep  now than I did the whole time you were kidnapped.” Shawn’s eyes turned worried, he reached up and placed a hand gently on the man’s jaw. Carlton leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and placing his hand on top of Shawn’s. The detective took the hand from his cheek and kissed the palm, closing injured fingers over the kiss, then kissed each of the fingers. “Please don’t worry about me, concentrate on getting better.” Shawn patted the bed next to him and motioned for Lassiter to join him, attempting to move himself over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Lay with me?</em>
  </b>
  <span> Shawn asked, his eyes wide. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, but only if you get some more sleep, you need it.” Shawn nodded, and Carlton carefully ducked under the tubes and wires, moved Shawn slightly and while picking up his shoulder and maneuvered himself half under Shawn, half next to him. He tucked the blanket around them both and wrapped an arm around him, watching Shawn’s face as he did so, in order to make sure he wasn’t hurting him. Finally, he pulled his husband in close, spooning him gently, and felt Shawn relax against him, his head on Carlton’s chest. The familiarity and warmth seemed to do them both good because it didn’t take long before they both were drifting off, taking comfort in the other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was how Juliet and Gus found them a few hours later when they came to visit before heading off to work. Shawn, laying practically on top of Carlton with Lassiter’s arm draped loosely over the thin broken body next to him, Carlton’s nose nuzzled into Shawn’s hair. As they watched they saw the heart monitor speed up and Shawn start to toss, whimpering slightly. Carlton’s hand came up from behind and carded through his hair, the other pulling him closer. They watched the older man kiss the tossing man’s forehead and soothe him back to sleep. It didn’t take long before the heart monitor started beating at a normal rate again. They could see Lassiter whispering something into Shawn’s ear and saw the younger man relax again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It seems Lassie found a way to keep Shawn calm,” Gus remarked, “It worked the other day too, they have something special, don’t they?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Juliet nodded. “He certainly cares alot about Shawn, and Shawn loves Carlton equally. They are a good match.” She jumped as she saw blue eyes pierce her from within the room. She smiled sheepishly as Carlton raised an eyebrow at her and motioned for them to come in quietly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They entered the room, “We just wanted to visit before going to work,” She said to him quietly, but it looks like Shawn is still asleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t sleep well last night,” Carlton explained, passing a hand lovingly through the longer than normal hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you?” Juliet asked concern for her partner clear in her expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I slept better after he asked me to join him, I’ll admit.” Carlton looked slightly guilty. “It’s nice having him in my arms again. I’ve missed the feeling.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is nothing to feel guilty about,” Juliet replied. “It’s normal with someone you love.” She grabbed towards Gus’s hand without thinking about it. Gus kissed her hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should go,” Gus said, looking at Shawn’s sleeping form. “We both have work,” He hesitated, then said, “Tell him I will be back later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Carlton curled back into Shawn’s still diminished form as Juliet and Gus left the room. He brushed his hand through the unkept hair once more and snuggled into a comfortable position, closing his eyes again and falling back asleep almost at once. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>It wasn’t long however until Dr Kuthri was knocking and entering the room, waking Carlton again, who softly woke Shawn once more. Shawn blinked awake then gave a small smile and wave to the doctor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to see you awake, Shawn,” She said, then looked at her chart. “The results from the tests we ran yesterday have come back, I thought you would want to discuss them before the rest of your family gets here. Shawn looked at Lassiter, who looked pointedly at him, as if to say, “It’s up to you.” Shawn nodded. Then he signed. </span>
  <b>
    <em>No one else will know?</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lassiter started to translate, but Dr Kuthri replied, “No, not unless you want them to.” She smiled at them, “I am fluent in ASL.” she explained at Lassiter’s slightly shocked look. He looked intrigued. “More on that later, tests have concluded that you have a quite rare autoimmune reaction to a rather common type of cancer.” She launched into the explanation. “Shawn, when we first examined you a month ago, you had stage three hodgkin's lymphoma, which is treatable and easy to recover from, however, in this past month, it has progressed quite a bit quicker than we would have liked to see. It has developed into an aggressive stage four. This does not mean it is terminal, it just means it is advanced. It also was not helped by where the person who held you decided to drill into your skeleton, because he drilled right through two of the tumours at your pelvis.” She pointed at two of the sutures that had been covered. “This aggravated them and made them infiltrate your bone marrow, which was open and available for infiltration at the time.” Shawn shot worried looks at Carlton, who looked equally worried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>You said something about an autoimmune something??</em>
  </b>
  <span> Shawn asked, hesitantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you have what we call, Paraneoplastic Cerebellar Degeneration,” She said casually, “It can cause unsteady or imparied walking, lack of muscle coordination in your limbs, inability to maintain your core posture, dizziness, nausea, involuntary eye movement, double vision, difficulty speaking, or difficulty swallowing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlton squeezed Shawn around the shoulders, “What is the prognosis?” He asked, “What is the possibility of recovery?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, once we treat the cancer, we will have to see what state you are in, Shawn,” Dr Kuthri said. “But many patients have seen a significant portion of their motor functions return after a period of time and effort on their part. We also will have to take a look at how far the bone marrow cancer has spread, because the Hodgkin's lymphoma has made its way into your bone, as I mentioned before. So we will need to run a few more tests. But overall, I feel confident that once you are done with treatment you should be able to go back to a fairly normal life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shawn raised an eyebrow. </span>
  <b>
    <em>Fairly normal?</em>
  </b>
  <span> He asked wryly</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can still perform fine motor function, which to say is rather remarkable.” Dr Kuthri noted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shawn shrugged a shoulder. </span>
  <b>
    <em>I haven’t tried anything besides signing,</em>
  </b>
  <span> he admitted. He felt slightly frustrated. He tried to bring a hand up to wipe the tears in his eyes but missed, hitting the pillow behind him. A hand came around and gently brushed at the wetness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are thinking too much.” Carlton said seriously. “You could do it if you didn’t think you would fail.” He brought a hand up to his face again, miscalculating the distance and hitting himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Things might be challenging for him for a while.” Dr Kuthri said patiently. “Try to work with him, his motor functions are going to be what are going to really be taking the hit, so he will need your help more than ever. Have you figured out why he hasn’t started talking again yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shawn had started sobbing into Carlton’s shirt, grabbing at it with shaky fingers. “Well, right now of course it’s because of the respirator, but even when he woke up and he wasn’t connected to one, he wouldn’t talk. They think it may be psychosomatic.” Carlton said. “Something that happened during his captivity, most likely. When we found him he was wearing a modified shock collar, which from burns on his neck they estimated he had been wearing most of the time he was taken, so we think he was conditioned against speaking.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dr Kuthri nodded. “Well, when he does start talking again, that will be another thing that might be affected by the PCD, and since everything is still continuing to progress as long as the malignancy is within him, we need to do the operation to get it all out as soon as he is strong enough to survive it.” She studied his vitals and looked at his chart. “Unfortunately, I don’t think that will be happening within the next week or two, he needs to gain at least another 5-10 pounds back, so he isn’t at risk of cardiac arrest,” She was looking at Shawn who was now sleeping on Carlton’s shoulder. “Increase in weight will also add to his energy levels and help with his immune system, unfortunately since PCD is an autoimmune response, his lack of immune system may actually be helping him right now. We will work on weight gain for now. I will prescribe some intravenous medication to slow down any cancerous cells from progressing further and steroids to keep his immune system from returning, thereby holding off on the progression of the PCD. I will alert nurses to keep a vigilant eye on visitors, and make sure everyone is extra cautious around him. I suggest you do the same.” He nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, doctor.” He said, gratefully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a look at the bag hooked up to his food line. “I am going to ask them to put something else in this next time they change it, I want to get some different nutrition to get into him. And if he feels like eating once they take him off the respirator, I highly recommend it. I have a feeling he will still be nauseated for a while though. But any food consumed the regular way is progress. Liquid diet to start with, of course.” She headed to the door. “Any questions for me?” She asked before she left. He hesitated, then looked at the man in his arms and shook his head. “I will be monitoring his weight gain from afar, and check in a few days from now. Ok?” He nodded. She placed the chart back on the bed and left the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlton sighed and lay back in the bed, carefully pulling Shawn closer to him conscious of the wires and tubes keeping him alive as he kissed his brow. “We will get through this together, ok?” He whispered to the sleeping man. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry its much shorter than normal</p><p>I have had this much written for a while, but I haven't figured out where I'm going from here. so i was at a bit of a crossroads. I decided that I owed you guys at least this bit. Any suggestions on where to go from here would be awesome though.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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